The Night She Wore Black
by maniacalmuse
Summary: E & B are a happily married couple with a great love life, but they both crave something darker. When Bella pushes them over the edge into an intense new lifestyle, will they embrace their new roles? Or will they be torn apart? AU/AH/OOC/BDSM
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I don't own Twilight, but this story – including its plot and characterizations – is alllll mine.**

**Well, here we go. I've had my little break and now this story is back on in full force. I've been cleaning it up a little, but for the most part it remains the same as before. I recommend that all readers, both new and old, read from the beginning just so you're up to date and it's fresh in your head once we catch up to where I left off (chapter 21). Chapters will go up once a week on Mondays to allow new readers to get into the story and old readers to re-read if they want to. Sorry if that bugs you, but it seems like the best way to ensure everyone has the same reading experience. **

**I've had so much help and encouragement from wonderful people throughout the writing of this story. I would like to extend my eternal gratitude and love to the following amazing women: _AngelGoddess1981_, who stands by my side to this day, for always being there for me and this story by reading, betaing, hand-holding and anything else I've ever needed; _herinfiniteeyes_ for being my very first beta and fandom-made friend; _WriteOnTime_ for recommending this story to her own readers and betaing in a pinch; and _kimpy0464_ for reading, reviewing, recommending, betaing, and encouraging everything about this story from start to finish. I can honestly say that _The Night She Wore Black_ would be nothing without them. Thank you for being everything that you are, ladies :)**

**AngelGoddess1981 will be my official pre-reader, beta, and hand-holder as I once again post this story. I love her in indescribable ways, and you're all going to want to puke with how much I mention that by the time this story is done. Just kidding ... maybe.**

******Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed before, to the readers returning to see this story through, and to the newcomers who I hope enjoy it as much as everyone else once said they did :)**

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****WARNING: This story will contain themes and situations which may not be appropriate for all readers, including BDSM (Bondage, Dominace and Submission, Sadism and Masochism), the potential for graphic personal injury and physical pain, and coarse or offensive language. Please consider how you might react to these themes and situations before you begin reading this story. Thank you.****

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_**~ Chapter 1 ~**_

_**(Bella)**_

I awoke with a hand rubbing slowly up and down my side, its soft smoothness belied by the strength evident in its grip. I smiled sleepily and sighed. There was no better way to wake up than this.

Edward pulled himself up to my back, spooning me from behind, and placed a soft kiss behind my ear. "Good morning, beautiful," he whispered. I hummed in reply.

Kissing behind my ear again and then slowly trailing his lips down the back of my neck, he slid his hands around to my front and began to caress my hips and stomach. I knew exactly where this was headed, and I wanted it ... badly.

He inched my pink silk nightie up my thighs and slowly pulled it up and over my arms, lightly trailing his fingers back down my body once it was removed. His hands began roaming over my exposed flesh, teasing the sensitive areas he knew set my skin aflame.

I was already panting heavily by the time he moved his attention lower, focusing on the arousal he had awoken between my thighs. My body was ready for him, aching to feel every inch of his lust as he continued to play me like a symphony. "Enough, already," I moaned. "I can't take it anymore." Edward chuckled softly, removing his hand and positioning our bodies to join. I took a deep, shuddering breath, and then we were one, moving in the fluid rhythm that years of lovemaking had given us.

His hot breath against my neck was like fire on my already burning flesh, but I welcomed it, bringing a hand up to twist my fingers into his hair and pull his mouth against my skin. He kissed my shoulder before his tongue traced a winding path to my jaw, the sensation of his warm lips moving to my ear driving me wild. We had only just started and I was nearly undone.

It seemed my body was having a similar effect on Edward as his movements behind me became faster and more determined. His breathing turned to panting and his hands gripped my hips tighter, signalling that his release was near. I let go, allowing the heat building within me to explode in waves of ecstasy as Edward's pace became increasingly erratic. Soon he was done too, his face burying into my neck as his own pleasure consumed him.

We slumped against one another breathlessly, limbs still quivering in the aftermath of orgasm. Edward pulled me tightly to his chest. "Ahhhhh," he breathed out. "Now _that _… is a good morning."

I rolled my eyes and giggled as I moved away from him and climbed out of bed.

"Get up, Edward Cullen. It's time to get ready for work."

**x - X - x **

I tapped my pen angrily on my desk as I stared at the papers before me in frustration. What was becoming of our school system when eighth grade students handed in homework like this? How had this become acceptable English?

_I think the author was whack bcos she didn't just say_

_what she meant she was all confusing and shit_

_and used words like hath and she just wants her dude to bring her flowers._

What the hell? I asked for their interpretation of Elizabeth Barrett Browning's Sonnet 44 and I got this garbage? And did I read a 'shit' in there? Holy crap, this was depressing.

Tired of losing brain cells over my class's disturbing misuse of language and grammar, I let my mind wander back to my sexy morning with Edward. The man was so damn talented. We had a great sex life and I got off every single time. He was so generous and giving, even in bed.

Yet I couldn't ignore the feeling that I was missing something; that I wanted something more. As amazing as our sex life was, there was a tiny part of me that I knew was going unfulfilled. I wanted him to take me. Really _take me. _Hard. Aggressively. I wanted him to hurt me a little. Just a little.

I brought it up with him once years ago and it didn't go over well. He tried, for me, but I could tell it was forced. He would bite, but not hard enough. When he held me down, I could easily have wriggled free. It was like he thought he would snap me in half if he threw me down on the bed. I snorted to myself. I might be petite, but I wasn't fragile.

I sighed and rested my chin in my hand. I wanted this. I wanted it bad. But how was I to go about getting it? How indeed…

_**(Edward)**_

I opened the front door to our house, glad to finally be home. It had been a long day in the lab and all I wanted was to curl up with my Bella and relax.

The first thing that hit me when I walked in the door was the smell. It was floral, but spicy. Roses and ... I didn't know what else. Cinnamon, maybe? Mixed with vanilla? It was exotic, and … well, almost erotic. I swallowed the saliva suddenly pooling in my mouth and once again breathed deeply. The aroma was deliciously intoxicating. I wanted to find the source immediately.

I closed the front door and shrugged out of my jacket, hanging it in the hall closet and slipping out of my shoes before I padded silently into the kitchen. Bella stood with her back to me, arranging a tray with crackers, cheeses, and sliced fruit. I noticed an open bottle of wine and two wine glasses sitting on the counter.

She was wearing a white silk robe that ended just above her knees. I followed the lines of her calves down to her bare feet, trailing my gaze back up her legs and then over her small hips and straight back. Her hair was pulled up into a haphazard bun atop her head, exposing her long, graceful neck.

I was such a lucky bastard.

Leaning against the doorframe and crossing my arms over my chest, I lightly cleared my throat to get her attention. She turned and flashed a smile at me that lit up the whole room. "Edward," she said, almost breathlessly. "I've been waiting for you."

"So it appears," I replied with a smirk. "This looks wonderful. To what occasion do I owe the gesture?"

A spark of mischief flashed in her eyes but was gone the next second. "Do I need an occasion to enjoy a romantic evening with my husband?" she asked coyly.

"Of course not," I replied, though I wasn't entirely convinced of her innocence in this. I knew her all too well; she was up to something.

"Well then, let's get to it," Bella said, picking up the tray of food and heading for our bedroom. "Bring the wine?" she asked over her shoulder.

Quickly grabbing the wine and two glasses, I followed her down the hall. As I entered our bedroom I immediately found where the arousing smell was coming from. The lights were out but there were candles burning everywhere, causing shadows to flicker and dance along the walls. There were red and white rose petals scattered over the bed and on the floor. I also noticed a box wrapped in silver paper tied with a black ribbon sitting on my bed side table. To say I was blown away would be the understatement of the century, maybe even the millennium. I just stood in the doorway and gaped, taking it all in.

Bella set down the tray and turned to me, beckoning to me with her finger. My legs walked to her but I was fairly sure I'd left my brain outside in the hallway. I stopped in front of her and wrapped her up in my arms, at a loss for what to say. She snuggled into my chest for a few seconds before pulling away to sit on the bed while I continued to take in the romantic setting she had created.

Bella took the wine and glasses from my hands – honestly, I hadn't even realized I was still holding them – and then moved to the table, pouring us each a glass. She handed me my drink and picked a grape off the tray, bringing it to my mouth. I parted my lips slightly and she slipped it between them, licking her fingers clean as she watched me chew; it was one of the sexiest things I had ever seen. We continued this for several minutes, feeding each other and drinking our wine in comfortable silence. When the tray was nearly empty, Bella stood and moved it to the top of our dresser.

She came back over and stood between my legs, leaning down to kiss me. It was a slow, sweet kiss, and I could taste the strawberries and wine on her breath. She pulled back and narrowed her eyes at me with a playful smirk on her full lips. "You're wearing entirely too many clothes."

You didn't have to tell me twice.

I pulled my sweater over my head and quickly undid the buttons on my oxford shirt. Her hands were already undoing my belt as I shrugged out of the shirt, and she was pushing my pants down my legs before I could get there myself. Lastly I removed my socks, leaving me standing in my underwear.

Bella pushed me down so I was sitting on the bed and then walked around to the other side, picking up the silver wrapped box and coming back around to sit beside me. She looked nervous all of a sudden and cast her eyes down as she handed it to me.

"It's time to open your present," she told the floor.

I took the box from her and ducked my head so I could meet her gaze. "I thought you were my present," I teased, trying to lighten the suddenly tense atmosphere around her.

She took a deep breath and looked me straight in the eye. The mischievous glint was back and I would be lying if I said I wasn't a tiny bit nervous myself. "Just open it."

I pulled loose the black satin bow and tore into the paper. It was a small, black wooden case with a lock on it. I looked at her curiously and she silently handed me a small key attached to a red ribbon. I put the key in the lock and turned, hearing the slight click as it unlatched. I found myself holding my breath as I slowly lifted the lid on the case.

When I finally saw what was inside I let out a gasp of surprise. There were two red silk scarves, a pair of shiny, silver handcuffs, and a small leather whip. I looked up to Bella with wide eyes, feeling goosebumps of panic creep up my spine. "Bella, I … we've talked … about this. I can't. It's too much. I'll hurt you. I could _hurt_ you. I wouldn't be able to handle that. I just can't!" My heart was hammering so violently I was sure she could hear it.

"Sssshhh," she whispered. "You can and you will. I want this, Edward ... more than you realize. I _need_ this. I know you think I'm this delicate, fragile little thing, but you're only looking at the outside."

She was slowly loosening the tie on her white silk robe as she spoke. "I may be the picture of softness and purity on the outside, but on the inside I'm something else completely."

Her robe fell to the floor, revealing a scanty black lace bra and panty set. The bra pushed her beautiful, full breasts up and in, just begging me to snuggle my face between them. Her panties were low cut, accentuating the soft curve of her hips and rear, and through the thin lace fabric, I could see that she had waxed ... bare.

I groaned involuntarily as my traitorous body reacted to the delectable sight before me. "Bella, I want to. I do, I swear. But when I look at you, I see every promise I made to never hurt you, and I just … I just … I can't ever hurt you."

She placed a finger under my chin and forced me to meet her stare, which blazed with an intensity that could have burned our house to the ground. "I know that, Edward," she said as she reached down and pulled an item I hadn't noticed before from the box. I watched in stunned silence as she slipped a black velvet mask over her head. It covered the top half of her face, but I could still see the warm chocolate of her beautiful, burning eyes. "That's why tonight ... I'm not Bella Swan-Cullen."

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**A/N 2: And with that, TNSWB is back! :D **

**Please see my profile for links to the awesome story banners made by AngelGoddess1981 and Readergoof, and a montage I made of the items worn and used in this chapter.**

**Reviews make me happy. *mwah!***


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks to all my readers, new and old! There are some more revisions in this chapter, mainly the rewording of a whole lotta filthy smut. I can't believe I used to write so dirty O_O Hopefully I was able to keep things hot while being a little more ... classy ... this time around ;) **

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**WARNING: You should never, EVER engage in BDSM role play without a clear understanding of boundaries and a mutually established safeword system. Doing so is extremely irresponsible and dangerous for both parties. We will be addressing this issue and our newbie couple's lapse in a later chapter. **

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_**~ Chapter 2 ~**_

_**(Bella)**_

The seconds ticked by as Edward stared at me.

I could see the conflict raging in his eyes and I was making myself crazy wondering how he would react. I wanted this so, _so_ much, and after all the effort I put into creating this scene I honestly didn't know if I could handle his rejection.

Edward swallowed as he clenched and unclenched his fists, his eyes giving no clues to how he would respond. He still hadn't said a word. The room was so quiet I could actually hear the clock that hung on the wall behind me. _Tick ... tick ... tick._

I was so sure of myself before; so sure that with all I had done to make this right for him he would let down his guard and give me what I wanted. Now all I felt was the sickness of embarrassment creeping up my throat and setting my face ablaze. Mission failed – it was time to go cry in the bathroom.

Distressed and humiliated, I silently turned to leave the room when suddenly Edward leapt from the bed. His arms engulfed me and we stumbled a few steps before my back met the wall with his body pressed forcefully against my chest. His eyes locked with mine, the fire in his gaze paralyzing me where I stood. For an instant I was stunned, but then reality hit – _this was actually happening_. Electricity crackled between us like a lightning storm; I could almost hear it lashing and snapping through the air.

Holding me prisoner against the wall, Edward growled. He_ growled. _It was low and deep in his chest; he sounded like an animal. I honestly didn't know what scared me more – that my husband had been replaced with a sex-crazed mountain lion or that I had never been so turned on in my life. He kissed me hard on the lips, his tongue invading my mouth as his fingers dug into the soft flesh of my upper arms. I moaned lustily, the thrill of the moment and the feel of his hands gripping me roughly making my whole body weak with longing; I probably would have collapsed to the floor if he hadn't been holding me up.

Abandoning our kiss, Edward nibbled along my jaw and down to my throat ... and then he bit me. Stars exploded in front of my eyes as arousal more intense than I had ever known coursed through me, leaving me trembling as his teeth left my neck and he trailed wet, open-mouth kisses down my chest. His hands travelled to my back where I expected he would unhook my bra, but to my intense surprise he grabbed the sheer fabric on either side of the clasp and ripped it clean apart. I spent a hundred and twenty dollars on this set earlier – the most I'd ever spent on lingerie – and yet in the heat of the moment I couldn't find it in me to care that it was now ruined; Edward's reaction was more than worth what it cost. He raised his head and met my stunned gaze, yanking the bra from my body and tossing it behind him. It landed on the lamp shade.

Breaking our stare, his mouth claimed my breast while his hands moved lower, one gripping my butt while the other slid between my legs. He touched me roughly – almost frantically – his fingers sliding into my panties so he could pleasure me skin-on-skin. I tried to moan again as he worked me toward the edge of orgasm, but all that came out this time was a strangled mewl that probably made me sound like a cat being tortured. I clamped my teeth shut, hoping my desperate panting would be enough to keep him going.

Edward's breath was hot on my chest as his tongue continued to tease my sensitive flesh, and then I was done, clenching my eyes shut as pleasure filled me like a balloon and exploded in tingling waves up my spine and down my legs. _WOW_. Orgasms were always incredible, but I had never, _ever_ felt anything as powerful as the one that was currently screaming through my body. It was an orgasm to the power of a hundred ... maybe even two hundred.

My thoughts spun as I tried to wrap my mind around what just happened, but I didn't get a chance to think on it as suddenly Edward threw me over his shoulder, carrying me caveman style to the bed. He took a second to tear off my panties before he literally threw me down and proceeded to strip off his boxer briefs – honestly, I hadn't even noticed he was still wearing them. I sat up onto my knees, anxious to see what was next, and within seconds Edward loomed before me. "I want your lips and tongue to pleasure me," he instructed, his voice low and husky. I sucked in a breath at his fierce, commanding tone; it was so sexy it made me shiver.

I didn't waste any time taking him into my mouth, using every trick I knew to get him panting and shuddering in pleasure. It wasn't long before he began to tense, his body preparing to reach its release. His fingers wove into my hair, holding my head steady as he began to thrust gently. I was a little surprised as he had never taken over like this before, but I relaxed my jaw and went with it, enjoying the way he seemed so natural in his control over me. Quickly his movements became more intense, his breath laboured and eyes clenched shut, and then he was finished, coming in my mouth while grunting in satisfaction. I swallowed.

After sliding himself out from my lips, Edward let go of my head and just stood there for a minute, breathing heavily. I took the opportunity to look him over. His hair was a wild disarray of bronze, and his face and torso were slick with sweat, making him practically shimmer in the candlelight. I could see all the muscles of his arms and chest, taut and straining against his skin. The man was a god – and he was all mine.

He opened his eyes to meet my stare, and a corner of his mouth turned up into this wicked half grin that would have melted my panties had I been wearing any. Damn, he was hot. Edward bent down to kiss my forehead before he leaned forward and reached around me to the box I gave him, which had been sitting forgotten on the bed. He pulled out the handcuffs and waved them in the air tauntingly.

"Lay down on your belly with your arms above your head," he instructed.

I held back for a second, suddenly very, very nervous. I knew I wanted this and that I was the one who started it, but this was uncharted territory for us. What was he going to do to me and would I like it? Would it hurt too much ... or would it hurt too _good_? Edward noticed my hesitation and leaned toward me, saying in a low voice, "I said lay down with your arms above your head. It would be wise not to make me wait."

Goosebumps popped up all over my body at his menacing tone, but I took a deep breath and remind myself that this was Edward – my husband of seven long and happy years – and that he would never, ever do anything to harm me. I did as he commanded, lying down and clasping my hands above my head. He leaned over me and I felt cold steel wrap around first one wrist, then the other, followed by a light clicking sound as the cuffs were secured. Edward didn't actually cuff me _to_ anything, he just left my hands restrained and resting above me on the bed.

I turned my head to the side and closed my eyes, nervous but undeniably excited about what he was actually going to do to me. Then I felt it – a soft tickle moving down my spine. I couldn't see behind me so I didn't know what was causing the sensation. The tickle trailed down my back, across one butt cheek and then the other, and then down my leg to my foot. It moved up and down my sole a few times and then suddenly, _SMACK_. I felt the sting as the crop* struck my skin. It hurt for exactly one second before pleasure shot up my leg, setting my insides on fire. I gasped at the intense feeling and silently begged him to do it again.

Edward trailed the small whip back up my calf, stopping to circle it along the back of my knee. _SMACK_. Again, I felt the sting and registered the pain before pleasure pulsed within me once more. I couldn't help but moan, thankful that it actually sounded somewhat sexy this time. The tip of the whip was on the move again, slapping first one butt cheek and then the other in two rapid flicks. I moaned even louder. The sensation was unreal; better than anything I had fantasized.

Edward continued his meandering path up my body, dragging the whip and slapping first the small of my back, then one shoulder and the other. The feeling was so intense that I was actually twitching in response to the stimulus at this point; it was almost embarrassing, but I didn't care. His teasing ended just behind my ear, where I felt his hot breath as he leaned down and whispered, "You like that, don't you." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yes. God, yes!" I replied, my voice trembling with lust. I had never wanted anything as badly as I wanted him in that moment.

He didn't say anything; he just moved behind me and yanked my hips up off the bed. I didn't even have time to gasp or take a breath before he was inside me, his hands gripping my hips violently as he thrust all coherent thought from my already addled brain. I fell apart. All I could focus on was the amazing pleasure of his forcefulness – it was raw and all consuming.

My heart hammered in my ribcage as pleasure began flowing through me, and then Edward spanked me. He _spanked_ me; with an open palm and right on the soft fleshy part of my butt. I came completely undone as my steadily building orgasm suddenly crashed out of me like an explosion and I began screaming in pleasure. I had never actually s_creamed_ in pleasure before. It unnerved me a little bit – I was sure I sounded like a lunatic – but what did it matter when I was swimming in ecstasy like never before?

I was spent but apparently Edward was not, as he continued his frantic thrusting behind me. He growled that hot, mountain lion sound and spanked me again – hard. If I hadn't actually been here as an active participant I wouldn't have thought it was possible to have _another_ mind blowing orgasm. They were just pouring out of me like a waterfall. I was screaming again and there might have been actual words coming out of my mouth, but I had no idea what on Earth I could be saying at this point.

Thankfully by now Edward had also reached his peak, grunting as his climax overtook him. I didn't necessarily want this to be over, but my limbs had turned to jelly and my throat was raw from panting and screaming. Edward released my hips and slowly lowered me to the bed, crawling up to my head and popping the catch on the handcuffs to free my hands. I rubbed my wrists and noticed that they were red, but I wasn't bothered at all. This experience was so incredibly worth any bumps or bruises I might have sustained.

Edward lay down beside me and I rolled over onto my back, resting my head on the pillow. We were both still breathing heavily and neither of us seemed to have anything to say to the other, but what did you say after sex like that? _Um, wow?_ That seemed kind of inadequate, so I went with my first instinct and just kept my mouth shut. It was a comfortable silence anyway. I closed my eyes as I relaxed into our bed.

Just as I was drifting off I realized I was still wearing the black velvet mask. I'd had it on this whole time and somehow completely forgot it was there. I wondered briefly how ridiculous I looked before remembering that Edward just took me like a crazed animal, so I reassured myself that it couldn't have been that bad. I peeled the mask from my sweaty face and tossed it carelessly to the floor, then fell happily into sleep.

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**A/N: Well, Bella got what she wanted and is one happy girl. But what did Edward think of the whole charade? Please leave me some review love and tune in next time for the aftermath in EPOV!**

***A ****crop**** is a small whip.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I'll be travelling and therefore unable to post this chapter on Monday, so you get an early update this week. Don't get used to it ;)**

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_**~ Chapter 3 ~**_

_**(Edward)**_

I couldn't take my eyes off the ceiling.

Bella's breathing was slow and even in deep sleep, but I was still wide awake with my heart pounding frantically in my chest. It wasn't exhilaration that had me so worked up though, it was panic – absolute panic.

At first I was confused as Bella stood before me in scanty black lingerie and a mask over her eyes. I didn't understand why she wanted to hide her face from me. Then she said it: _"Tonight, I'm not Bella Swan-Cullen." _I realized in that instant that she knew. She saw right through my restraint and knew how much I wanted this too. How I wanted to take her – control her – use her for my pleasure and give her so much pleasure in return. It was all so damn depraved.

She was too good for this; too sweet and pure, and just ... Bella.

Her words whispered through my head again. _"Tonight, I'm not Bella Swan-Cullen."_ The mask – the woman knew exactly what she was doing.

I had battled with myself to refuse her. I felt like a monster was raging inside me, begging to be released so he could consume her, taking everything she offered and more. It terrified me; I had no idea what would happen if he broke free. Then I watched her turn to walk away from me, from _this, _and I just snapped. The cage door swung open and the monster jumped forth triumphantly, easily snatching up his prey. In that instant, Edward Cullen was nowhere to be found. I was an animal – fierce in his desires and determined to devour the feast that lay before me.

I swallowed hard and blinked my eyes, bringing myself back to the present. I felt like I was going to suffocate, or maybe have a stroke. I needed to get out of this room and calm the hell down.

Forcing myself to sit up on the bed, I warily surveyed the scene of destruction I had caused. The picture frames across from the bed were all askew from where I slammed Bella against the wall. Her bra hung haphazardly from the lamp shade on her bedside table. The bottle of wine had been knocked over and a deep red stain soaked the carpet. Most of the candles were still burning, but rather than casting warm, romantic shadows around the room, they now danced an eerie flicker in the deep silence.

I stood up and pulled on my underwear, stepping over the spilled wine to get to my dresser. I slipped into a pair of dark grey lounge pants and a black t-shirt, all the while keeping my back to the bed. I didn't want to look.

I couldn't look.

I stood there for countless minutes, breathing heavily with my eyes clenched shut. I was so afraid to see what the animal had done to her – what _I _had done to her. I had to do this, though ... for her. I had to make sure she was okay and take care of her if she wasn't.

Taking one final deep breath, I turned slowly and laid my terrified eyes on the woman who meant more to me than anything. I started up at her head, moving my gaze down to her face. Her cheeks were tinged pink and her lips were puffy and swollen, but her expression was peaceful as she slept. Maybe things weren't as bad as I'd feared...

Then I saw it – a large and purple bruise on her neck, my obvious teeth marks marring her perfect flesh. Bile crept up from my stomach before I swallowed it back down. My eyes travelled further down her chest and I saw her right nipple was crusted with dried blood; apparently I bit her at one point – hard enough to break the skin. Fire burned its way up my throat and I gagged on it, nearly throwing up into my hand. I couldn't take this. Before I could stop myself though, my eyes moved down her body to her hips and ass, where more dark bruises and red scratches peppered her creamy skin.

I ran to the bathroom and slid to the floor, leaning against the wall behind me with my head in my hands. My whole body was shaking with terror and fury for what I had done to her. What was I going to do? _I have to get out of here._ _I have to take care of her._ My instincts warred within my mind as I sat curled up and trembling with rage. I wanted to run. I wanted to get as far away from her as I could so I would never be able to hurt her again.

Never.

Bella was my more than my wife, she was my _life_ – the woman whose feet I worshiped at every day for allowing me the privilege of loving her. She was everything I ever dreamed of as a young man: beautiful, compassionate and caring; funny, intelligent and trusting.

Trusting... She trusted me and _I_ _hurt her_, betraying every promise I'd ever made to keep her safe. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand _myself_. She deserved so much better than this ... so much better than _me_. Everything around me faded as I retreated into the dungeon of my mind, chastising myself for being too weak to prevent this. The minutes ticked by as I sat there in my own personal hell, but eventually I came to my senses enough to pull myself together and go check on Bella.

She was still sleeping soundly, curled up on her side. I pulled the comforter from my side of the bed and wrapped it around her securely, tucking a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. I stood there for several minutes, staring at her beautiful face, before I finally decided that she wasn't in any physical danger and that I could just let her sleep.

I moved quietly around our bedroom, trying to erase all signs of our night together. I straightened the pictures on the wall, removed her bra from the lampshade, picked up the empty bottle of wine and tried to blot up the spill as best I could. I put Bella's mask, the handcuffs and whip back in the small black box, locked it, and then considered taking it out back and setting it on fire. I slid it under the bed instead. Then I got up and moved around the room, blowing out all the candles until the room was bathed in darkness.

I left Bella sleeping deeply and made my way to the living room, where I collapsed onto the sofa and just let my mind go blank. I couldn't think anymore; thinking made my head ache and my heart throb. I just lay there and stared at nothing instead.

Hours passed without my realizing them, and I was surprised to find the sun had risen when I heard Bella padding quietly into the living room. I shifted my head to look her over. She had showered and dressed, and was wearing a deep blue collared shirt that thankfully hid the horrible mark on her neck.

She stopped half way into the room and smiled shyly at me. "Good morning."

I swallowed and opened my mouth, but no words came out.

She tried again. "Um, I guess we should talk about last night?"

Again I opened my mouth to speak, but I had no idea what to say or where to start. My mind was screaming _"Run Bella, run! Run as far away from me as you can. I'm an insane animal monster and you're not safe here!"_, but even in my current state I knew that we needed to have a real, rational discussion.

I cleared my throat and tried again. I was finally successful, my voice coming out low and gravelly. "Bella, I am so very, very sorry. Please believe that I didn't mean for any of this to happen to you."

She gave me a strange look. "What?"

The words tumbled out of my mouth like vomit. "I'm just so fucking sorry! I can't believe what happened; what I did. I don't know what came over me. It was like I was possessed or something and I just couldn't stop myself! Please tell me you're okay. Are you okay? Please tell me you're fucking okay!"

Her expression became even more confused. "What are you talking about? I'm not hurt ... not at all. Well, ok, I have a few scratches and bruises, but nothing major. They'll be gone in a couple of days... Why are you looking at me like that?"

I hadn't realized that I was gaping at her. My mind was spinning out of control. "What do you mean it's nothing major? I saw your body last night – your neck ... your breast ... your hips. That's major shit, Bella. It's really fucking major!"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, stop being so damn dramatic. I'm fine! Seriously. Last night was – it was … I can't even find the words to describe it. I've never experienced anything like that before. I've never felt so alive and just – just..." She took a deep breath. "_Alive._"

I dropped my head and ground the heels of my hands into my eyes. I couldn't even comprehend what she was saying; it was just too messed up.

She walked forward and crouched down in front of me. "Edward, look at me."

I let out a gust of air and raised my head to meet her gaze. She took my hands and looked straight into my eyes. "Last night was the most amazing night I have ever known. Ever." She smiled a devilish grin. "I can't wait to do it again."

I barely avoiding knocking her over as I jumped to my feet. "What the fuck are you talking about? What do you mean you 'can't wait to do it again'? Are you insane?"

Bella stood slowly, staring at me in disbelief. "What the hell is wrong with you? Look at me ... I'm standing here in front of you, telling you that I just experienced the most magical night in the history of sex. What about that do you not understand? It was incredible! Why would we not do it again? Everything about you last night made me think that you wanted it as badly as I did. I thought it was amazing for you too."

"Stop fucking saying that!" I yelled, surprised by my own furor. I had never, _ever_ raised my voice to her like this before, but in my current state of distress I found I couldn't seem to stop myself. "Last night was not magical. It was _not_ amazing. I all but beat the shit out of you and you _liked it_? _You want me to do it again?_ Don't you see how incredibly fucked up that is?"

The second the words left my mouth I knew I had made a grievous error. She snapped her teeth together, her lips forming a hard line. I cringed as I watched the emotion flash across her eyes. Embarrassment? Hurt? Anger? It was probably all three.

Her small hands clenched into fists at her sides as she walked slowly across the room. I took a tentative step back and braced myself, convinced she was going to hit me – not that I didn't deserve I after what I did. But instead she stopped with less than an inch between us, stood up on her toes and glared straight into my eyes, whispering, "Of all the people to judge me... How dare you, Edward Cullen. How _dare you_."

Without another word she turned, snatched her jacket from the closet and stormed out, slamming the front door behind her.

I just stood there, frozen in shock and terror. Oh shit.

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**A/N: The Night She Wore Black was featured in the Perv Pack's Smut Shack's Lemon Report! :D Endless love to kimpy0464 for recommending this story and sending most of you my way! **

**Please let me know your thoughts? **

**xoxo,**

**TMM**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: A-a-a-a-and, we're back! **

**Before we get going today, I just want to make everyone ****aware that I reply to all reviews via PM and not through FFn's review reply function. This is because a PM leaves me with a record of my reply while the review reply function does not, and I am not comfortable sending communication without a backup copy of my remarks. My apologies if this means I am unable to reply to your reviews. Please know that I read and appreciate every one!**

**Love to AngelGoddess1981 for betaing :)**

**Moving along...**

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_**~ Chapter 4 ~**_

_**(Bella)**_

I fled.

I had to.

The force of my emotions in that instant was so strong I knew that if I didn't get out of there immediately I was going to do something I would regret – like take off my wedding ring, shove it up his nose, and tell him to get the hell out and never come back. Luckily, I was _just_ far enough on the right side of reasonable to know that doing something like that would be a very bad thing.

So I ran out the door, jumped into the Volvo, slammed it into drive, and peeled out in a flurry of smoke and rubber. As soon as I reached the end of the block I pulled my phone from my jacket pocket and pounded Alice's number into the keys. She answered on the first ring.

"Hello?"

"That motherfucker!" I screeched. "Fucking rat bastard, piece of shit, motherfucking asshole!"

"Bella?" Alice said, sounding alarmed. "Bella, what's the matter? Are you okay? Where are you?"

"I'm coming over. Are you home? You'd better fucking be home!"

"Yes, I'm home. What's going on? You're seriously freaking me out here."

"I'm just around the corner; I'll be right there," I said, hanging up on her and angrily tossing my phone onto the seat beside me.

Alice Cullen was Edward's younger sister – two years younger, to be exact – and had been my best friend since our first day of Preschool together. If Alice and I were any closer, we'd be the same person. She'd been there for me through everything – _everything_ – as I had been there for her.

It had never mattered between us that Edward was her brother. When I first developed a crush on him at thirteen, she jumped around and clapped and squealed at my admission, telling me excitedly that we would be 'so perfect together'. The first time Edward kissed me when I was fifteen, I ran straight to her all in a fluster of nerves and excitement, and she hugged me and sat with me for hours as I giddily replayed the moment over and over in my mind. She was there for me when Edward went away to college the next year, staying with me night after night as I cried myself to sleep. She was even there when I decided at eighteen that I was ready to lose my virginity to the only man I would ever love. We talked about it for weeks, and when it finally happened, I told her everything and she just smiled and hugged me and told me over and over how happy she was that I was happy.

There was no one else in the all world like Alice, and that was why I went straight to her with all this insanity.

She and Jasper's grey, mid-size bungalow came into view and I slammed on the brakes, screeching to a stop at the curb in front of it. I flung myself from the car and stumbled up their walk, taking the porch stairs two at a time and crashing through their front door without knocking.

I was immediately met with one-hundred-ten pounds of fur, paws and slobber – all in the form of their massive Rottweiler, Brandon. Why Alice owned a dog that trumped her own weight class was something I would never understand. She loved him like he was borne of her own body though, and he really was the most loyal and friendly dog I had ever encountered, so I'd happily embraced him as my 'nephew'.

"Ooof! Brandon, get down! Ow! Yes, it's good to see you too," I said, attempting and failing to untangle myself from his powerful advances.

Alice came running around the corner and smoothly grabbed him by the collar, ushering him through the kitchen and out the back door. It was like watching a five year old child tame a bear – something I'd never become accustomed to seeing, no matter how much time I spent here.

She was back in a flash, standing before me with wide eyes and her mouth set in a worried frown. "Bella, _please_ tell me what is going on! I'm losing my mind with worry over here!" she begged. "Are you okay? Is Edward okay?"

At the mention of his name, profanities spewed from my mouth again. "Fucking prick! Of all the fucking people in all the fucking world! Who the fuck does he think he is? That motherfucker! I should go back there and cut his fucking balls off! Rat bastard motherfucker!"

Alice held her hands up in the air, palms out, like she was talking a jumper away from the ledge. "Okay, honey, just _slow-w-w_ down ... you're not making any sense. Who's a rat bastard motherfucker? And where in the name of all that is holy did you ever learn language like that? Have you been hanging out at a biker bar behind our backs?"

I clenched my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration – a move I had picked up from Edward years ago. I took a deep breath and looked up at her again, trying to decide where to start.

"Edward…" I paused and blew my breath out, taking another deep pull of air through my nose. "Edward and I – Edward and I…"

Then the tears came.

Alice was quick to comfort me, rubbing my back and whispering soothingly. "Oh, Bella, don't cry! It's okay; I'm here. Whatever this is, we'll get through it. But you need to tell me what happened. Did you and Edward have a fight?"

I sniffled loudly. "No. Yes. I don't know. Maybe?"

"_Oka-a-a-y._ Where's Edward?"

"At home."

"And is he all right?"

I shrugged. "I think so. He was when I left." Thinking about him made my earlier rage bubble back up to the surface. I still couldn't believe all the horrible things he had said to me ... and about me. "Asshole," I muttered, my foot tingling as I imagined kicking him in the nuts.

Alice grimaced at my continued vitriol toward her brother. "Okay ... right. Maybe Jazz should go check on him?"

"Yeah, sure ... whatever." Even I was surprised at my indifference about his wellbeing, but I was just so, _so_ furious. I couldn't remember ever being this angry before. Honestly, it was a little scary.

"Er, okay then. Hey, Jazz? Jasper!" she shouted.

A few seconds later he was with us in the foyer, frowning at my dishevelled state. "What's going on?"

"I think Ed and B had a fight," she answered for me. "Do you want to go check on him? He should be at home."

"Oh. Um, yeah sure." Jasper looked extremely confused. "But ... what happened? You _think_ they had a fight? Bella?" He looked to me for clarification. My nostrils flared as I recalled Edward's painfully offensive words – _"Do you realize how fucked up that is?"_ I clenched my teeth and took a deep, angry breath.

"Don't! ... get her started." Alice cut in, obviously sensing another foul-mouthed tirade from me. "Just go see Edward. Please?"

"Of course," Jasper said, immediately reaching into the closet for his jacket. He slipped into his shoes and gave Alice a quick kiss on the top of her head before he walked out the door.

"Call me if there's trouble!" she shouted after him. He turned back and touched his first and second fingers to his forehead – the signature Jasper salute.

After watching him drive away, Alice closed the front door and turned back to me with raised eyebrows. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Did I? Not really, but I knew I probably should before fury consumed me and I sprouted horns and a tail. I rolled my eyes and huffed. "I guess."

Alice blinked at me a few times. "Let's go sit down then." She led the way to the living room, curling up on one end of the couch while I plopped ungracefully onto the other. "Whenever you're ready..."

I just sat there for a few minutes, trying to decide the best place to start. There was so much back story to be told, but right now all I could focus on were his barbed words – _"I all but beat the shit out of you and you _liked_ it__?"_ "Edward's a bastard," I spat.

"Uh huh ... you've already made that _quite_ clear. A 'rat bastard motherfucker' if I recall your words correctly."

I sighed and dropped my head into my hands. I was being a childish ninny and I knew it. Alice was my best friend –always so caring, patient and understanding with me – and she deserved a whole lot better than what I was giving her right now. "I'm sorry," I mumbled against my palms. "This whole thing is just ... _ugh_!"

"I'm sure it is, honey." Her voice was soft and kind. "Take your time. I'm not going anywhere."

After a few deep breaths to focus my thoughts, I opened my mouth and let it all out. I told her about being satisfied but wanting more intensity in our sex life, and how I tried to go about getting it with the new lingerie and the black velvet mask. I told her about Edward with the handcuffs and the whip – how erotic it had been to feel the sting on my skin and how I exploded in pleasure when he spanked me. I told her how wild and ferocious he had been, and how he seemed to be so comfortable – so _perfect_ – in this role. I finished up with how I had fallen into a deep, satisfied sleep and woke up still feeling the thrill of our wild night together.

Then I told her about how I had come into the living room in the morning to find Edward lying on our couch looking like a zombie, his hair a frightening, greasy mess and dark circles under his puffy, red eyes.

"I expected our conversation would be slightly awkward, but I honestly didn't think he'd just lose it like he did."

"He lost it?" Alice asked. It was the first time she had spoken since I began relaying last night's events to her.

"Oh my God, I've never seen him like that before! We've had a few pretty heated arguments, but this morning he was yelling and swearing and..." I cringed at the memory. "He basically called me a pervert ... a dirty whore."

Alice's eyes bulged out of her head and her tiny hands clenched into fists. "HE _WHAT_?" she nearly screeched. "I'll _kill_ him! He _is _a rat bastard motherfucker!" The look of sheer rage on her dainty face was so terrifying that my stomach clenched and I instinctively leaned away from her.

"No, no, no!" I instantly back-pedalled. "He didn't use those words exactly, but ... he might as well have."

Alice let out a breath but her fists remained clenched in her lap. "Ok then, what exactly _did_ he say?"

I thought back to this morning, trying to remember his words. "Well, I told him that I wasn't hurt that bad and –"

"Wait a second," Alice interrupted. "What do you mean _'that bad'_?"

I shrugged. "I have a couple of bruises and scratches from him grabbing me and whatnot, but we were rough with each other. It's kind of to be expected, I think."

Alice eyed me warily. "Can I see for myself just how _'not that bad'_ these bruises are?"

We'd never kept secrets from each other, so I pulled my shirt collar aside to reveal the deep purple bruise on my neck, where you could still faintly see Edward's teeth marks right in the center. Alice gasped lightly.

"That's the worst of them, I promise," I said, trying to reassure her.

She nodded, but then looked away from me as if she was uncomfortable and unsure of what to say.

"What is it?"

"Nothing for right now," she hedged. "You were telling me what Edward said to you that wasn't, _'You're a dirty whore.'_" Her eyes narrowed as she said those last words.

"Right," I continued. "I told him that I was okay ... that it was all so incredible and I couldn't wait to do it again. Then he just went wild. He said that _'he all but beat the shit out of me'_ and that _'it was fucked up that I wanted to do it again'_. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, because I honestly thought that he enjoyed it just as much as I did. I was there – he was into it."

"Hmm ... so what did Edward say after his little rant?"

"Nothing. I just told him off and stormed out. Then I came straight here."

"Hmm," she repeated, folding her hands behind her head and leaning back against the couch.

I huffed in exasperation. "_Hmm_? What exactly does _that_ mean?"

"Just give me a minute. I need to process all this," she said absently.

Sighing, I sat back and waited silently. Alice had the most amazing insight – she cut right through the crap that everyone else got all hung up on and saw straight to the core of things. I valued her advice more than anyone's in the world.

"He's scared," she said after a few minutes.

"Edward's scared? Of what?" I asked, more than surprised by her conclusion.

"You know how he is ... the man is a drama queen – drama king, whatever. He does everything over the top, and that includes how he feels about things; how he feels about you," she answered.

I was seriously confused. Edward had always been ridiculously overprotective of me, but what did that have to do with him spanking me while we made love? "I don't get it."

"Well, you said he seemed into all this kinky stuff just as much as you are. And honestly, that doesn't surprise me one bit, you two just seem like the type –"

I cut her off. "Excuse me? What do you mean we're_ 'the type'_?

She tried to wave me off. "I don't know. That's not important now."

"Yes it is," I argued. "Tell me what you meant by that."

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Fine... You and Edward are both so inhibited in daily life; you're comfortable with normalcy. You don't take risks or do anything dangerous – _ever _– so it's not surprising that you would need an outlet like this – a way to get out whatever craziness is locked up inside of you."

I gaped at her – the woman was unreal. Here I was, thinking I just wanted to harmlessly spice things up in the bedroom a little, only to have her come along and tear into my psyche, telling me I'm boring as plain toast and that I need to get out there and live. "Holy shit, you are so right. We're a couple of uptight assholes!"

Alice giggled. "Well I didn't say that _exactly_. But getting back to Edward and the whole reason this is such a mess…"

"Right ... go on."

"He's so crazy in love with you I think it's skewed the way he thinks where you're concerned. His protective instincts are in overdrive. He would do anything – and I mean _anything_ – to keep you safe. So when he saw that he had physically harmed you, no matter how minor _you_ may think it is, he felt like he had failed you. He's scared of letting you down by allowing you to be injured. He wants to protect you from everything, and in this case, it's from himself."

"Wow," I breathed. "Do you really think that's it? That's just so … wow."

"I think you two need to face each other as adults who love each other deeply and figure out what this means for you. I know Edward can be ridiculously unreasonable some times, but he loves you more than anything. Find a way to work this out so both of your needs are being met."

I stretched my body toward her, pressing my face to the cushion between us. "Oh sage Alice, I humbly bow at your mountain top of wisdom."

She snorted. "Just make it right, okay? I know you can."

I sat up and smiled at her gratefully.

Then her phone rang. "Hello?" Alice paused for a minute, listening. "Yeah, we're good here. How's Ed?"

She nodded and then turned to me. "Edward wants to know if you're coming home."

I took a deep breath. "Yes ... I'm on my way now."

Alice relayed my message to Jasper and then said goodbye. "Jazz is coming home now, and Ed's waiting for you at your place."

"Okay."

We stood up and walked to the door, where Alice retrieved my jacket from the closet. Strangely, I didn't even remember taking it off.

"So ... you're good now?" she asked once I was ready to go.

"Yes," I replied, pulling her into a hug. "Thank you so much."

"You silly girl ... you know I'm here for you through anything – _anything_."

"I know. I love you, Ali."

"And I love you. Now go! Call me if you need to."

I drove home carefully, thinking over everything Alice had told me. It all made so much sense now, and I knew that we would find a way to make this work for us. We were Edward and Bella – we would always make it work. I stopped the car in front of our house and got out slowly, steeling my resolve as I made my way up the walkway to our front door. I stepped inside, hung up my jacket, and walked into the living room.

Edward was sitting on the couch, freshly showered and dressed, his bronze hair in its usual shiny disarray. I looked at his handsome face and my heart stuttered in my chest. No matter what, I would always love this man with everything I was. No matter what, we would _always_ make it work.

He looked up at me and smiled tentatively. "Hi."

"Hi."

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**A/N: Well, well, well ... we're getting into the thick of it here – Mr. & Mrs. Cullen have some serious shitaki to work out before Spankward shows his face again. It's going to be one hell of a ride, and I very much hope you'll all buckle up and join me for it! **

**I had kind of a shitty week so I'm a bit behind on review replies. I'll try to catch up asap! **

***mwah!***


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I don't own Twilight. Just in case you forgot ;)**

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_**~ Chapter 5 ~**_

_**(Edward)**_

She came back.

Relief washed over me as Bella walked into the living room, her beautiful brown eyes hesitantly meeting mine. Just seeing her again was indescribably wonderful – like I would imagine a deep breath of air to drowning lungs; living again after almost dying. I was so thrilled to have her home my heart felt three sizes too big for my chest.

I looked her over as she stood in the foyer, scrutinizing her face for any clues to how she was feeling. She appeared understandably guarded, but thankfully didn't look as though she wanted to chop me to pieces and bury me in the back yard. I said a silent thank you to Alice for sending her back in a much better state than I was expecting.

We stared at each other for what seemed like forever, a thick silence settling around us until I couldn't take it anymore. "Hi," I said lamely, immediately annoyed with myself for the ridiculously understated greeting.

"Hi."

Bella eyed me expectantly, and I knew it was time to try to fix the damage I had caused. I ran my fingers through my hair nervously, clearing my throat before jumping in head first. "First let me say that any apology I offer you is going to be completely inadequate to make up for the way I acted this morning. Losing my temper and saying the awful things I did – that was completely inexcusable. I acted like a jackass. No, worse. I can't even think of a word bad enough to describe the pitiful excuse for a person I became."

The corners of her mouth curled into a small smile. "Rat bastard motherfucker," she said quietly.

I was shocked. Sure, Bella swore occasionally – when she was agitated or trying to drive a point home. It was usually reserved to the old standbys though, like 'shit', 'fuck' or 'bitch'. But_ rat bastard motherfucker?_ I had never heard her utter something so incredibly profane and … dirty.

It totally turned me on.

What the hell was wrong with me?

I shook my head, trying to clear my inappropriately perverse mind before grinning back at her. "Sure, let's go with that."

A single breathy laugh escaped her, and then Bella came to sit beside me on the couch, sinking into the plush leather cushions with her head back and her hands resting loosely at her sides. She looked exhausted. I wanted so badly to reach out and comfort her in my arms, but I withheld, unsure if I was welcome to yet.

She sat there for a moment not meeting my gaze, then she finally sighed. "Edward, what the hell happened here? Really ... I'm just so confused. Why did everything explode in our faces like this?"

I cringed. I honestly didn't have an answer for that yet. "I don't know."

She nodded but remained silent. My mind drifted back to my earlier conversation with Jasper.

"_Bella is a grown woman, Edward. She's smart, she's strong, and she can make her own decisions where her personal welfare is concerned. If she says she's okay, then you need to believe her and trust that she knows what's best for herself. You're not her guardian – you're her partner. You have to let her walk beside you as an equal. You can't force her into whatever mould you think is best for her, she'll only resent you for clipping her wings. Take a step back and let her fly on her own." _

Damn it. I hated just how right he was – especially because his insight didn't paint a very attractive picture of me. I knew what I had to say to her now though.

"It's my fault," we blurted out at the same time.

"What?" we said in unison again. "Stop that!"

We both laughed heartily. It felt so incredibly good to laugh with her after all the shit from this morning that I never wanted to stop. More important was to deal with this mess though, so when our chuckles died down I reluctantly continued my admission.

"Let me go first," I began, but she cut me off.

"No, let me. I'm the one who started this whole thing, and I want to step up and shoulder my responsibility."

I started to protest – to tell her that she had absolutely no part in my fuck-uppery of this situation – but then Jasper's words ran through my head again. Right ... I had to let her be her own person; I had to let her have her say.

I took a deep breath, determined to hear her out and give her views the full consideration they deserved. "Ok. I'm listening."

"I was selfish, Edward. I wanted something that I knew you weren't comfortable with, and I manipulated you into giving it to me anyway. It was wrong of me to do that to you and I'm so, _so_ sorry."

I hated to hear her blame herself, but I also couldn't deny that her words struck a chord in me. What she said was … true. We _had_ talked once about her wanting me to be rougher with her sexually – biting and pinching and tying her down. I had balked though, telling her that while I found the idea of those things exciting, I didn't feel that I could go through with it. I was afraid that I would go too far and actually hurt her physically. _And look at how it turned out, _my conscience berated_. Big surprise ... you hurt her. _

I mentally slapped myself for going back there, refocusing my attention on Bella's heartfelt apology. "Thank you," I said sincerely. "That really means a lot to me."

She smiled and continued. "I just want you to know that I never intended to put you in a situation that would cause you so much stress. I guess I just thought that if I could _show_ you we could do all these things I wanted ... that you would enjoy yourself too, and realize this kind of thing is right for us. It felt right for me anyways." Her face fell and her shoulders slumped when she finished, almost as though she was ashamed.

My heart clenched as I realized that I'd hurt her so much more than physically. I had been so focused on how I had harmed her on the outside that I neglected to care for her on the inside. I needed to fix this – now.

"Baby, I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that I made you think that what we did last night wasn't amazing for me as well – because it was. The sounds you made ... the things you did to me ... the way you trusted me and gave your body to me – I can't even tell you how much I enjoyed it. It was truly incredible."

Her head snapped up and her scorching gaze bore into mine. "Do you mean it?" she demanded. "Do you really mean that?"

"Yes, I mean it, but I also need you to understand why I went off the deep end this morning. I didn't mean to say such horrible and hurtful things to you – I was just so confused about everything. As much as I enjoyed myself in the moment, when I saw your body bruised and bloodied it made me sick to know that I had found pleasure in causing you harm. I felt like the worst kind of monster," I confessed.

Bella turned toward me and reached up to run her fingers through my hair. "You're looking at this the wrong way," she said softly. "You didn't get off on giving me bruises and hurting me. We shared something deep and intense last night – something primal and instinctual that went beyond who we are on the outside. The marks on my body are superficial, and I am one hundred percent serious when I tell you that _I am not hurt_. I mean, I'm sure you have some marks of your own too."

"What?" I said, taken aback by her suggestion.

She shrugged. "I wasn't very gentle with you either ... I all but tore your shoulders from your body. Here, let me look." She reached down and grabbed the bottom of my shirt, pulling it up my back and bunching it at my neck. Whatever she saw made her snort in amusement. "Come with me."

I followed as she stood from the couch and led me into our en suite bathroom.

"Take off your shirt and turn around."

I complied, slipping my t-shirt over my head and dropping it to the floor, my back to the mirror as I twisted my head to look. I sucked in a quick breath when my eyes landed on the angry red gouges on my shoulders. How I managed to go all this time without feeling even one lick of pain from my back was completely beyond me. I'd been so wrapped up in worry for Bella that I didn't even realize I was wounded myself.

She cocked an eyebrow at me as I gaped at my reflection. She definitely looked amused ... and a little smug. "Are you hurt, Edward?" she asked, a knowing look in her eyes.

"Uh, no," I answered truthfully.

"Right," she said casually. "And neither am I."

The force of this new revelation nearly knocked me on to my knees. I staggered over to our bed and sat down heavily, dropping my head into my hands. Bella came over to sit beside me.

"Do you see now, Edward?" she asked gently.

I did. I really, really did.

"Yes ... but ... you're going to have to give me some time here. I can't just jump into this headfirst and not expect to react exactly like I did this morning. I'm going to have to work at beating back all my instincts that tell me to protect you from this."

"I understand," she said. "Take as much time as you need. You know I'll always wait for you."

I looked up into her beautiful face. She was positively radiant – her unyielding love and devotion shining like the sun. I had to have her, but not to ravage her like last night ... to worship her like she deserved.

"I love you," I whispered, raising my hand to her face and cupping her cheek. "You're everything to me."

Bella closed her eyes and sighed contentedly, pressing her warm flesh further into my palm. My thumb gently stroked the soft skin of her jaw as I brought my other hand up to run my fingers through her long, silky hair.

_Worship her._

Leaning forward, I pressed my mouth softly to hers, pulling back slightly and then kissing her again before my lips wandered to her cheek, across her jaw and down her long, slender neck. My hands moved to the buttons on her shirt, deftly freeing them and sliding the garment from her body, careful to avoid the bruise on her neck.

_Worship her._

My mouth found her delicate collar bones, tongue caressing them as my hands made quick work of the clasp on her bra. Her chest now bare, I let my instincts take over – kissing, licking and sucking all the places I knew made her tremble and gasp.

_Worship her._

Her jeans were next to go, the slight tick-tick-tick as I lowered their zipper making my pulse quicken with anticipation. Pants, panties, and socks removed, I lifted her legs onto the bed and then stood, stripping my clothes before climbing atop and settling between her legs.

_Worship her. _

Our eyes locked as my hands gently gripped her hips, holding her still as I eased into the heat of her body. We began to move rhythmically – skin sliding fluidly against skin – going faster, harder, and deeper in the mutual need to express our love.

_Worship her._

All too soon we were panting heavily, arms and legs tangled, pulling each other closer ... and yet somehow never close enough. Our bodies were slick with sweat as we moaned and groaned lustfully, the pleasure building steadily within me quickly nearing its breaking point.

_Worship her._

Bella climaxed first, crying, "Oh God, oh God, oh _God_!" as her orgasm ran its course. One more thrust and I was done too, grateful that she had let go before me because there was no way I could have held on any longer. Her body ... her sounds ... just _her_ – it was all enough to send me reeling into euphoric release.

"Bella," I whispered, my voice strained and choked with emotion as our movements slowed to a fulfilled stop. She sighed contentedly in return, her eyes closing and head dropping to the side.

I smiled down at her lovingly, kissing her forehead before gently pulling away and rolling off the bed. I grabbed a spare blanket from our closet and then lay back down, covering us as I wrapped my arms around her once more. Naked and spooned together comfortably, Bella sighed one last time before drifting off to sleep seconds before me.

_Worship her._

The words whispered one last time in my head before I sank into a deep and peaceful afternoon slumber.

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**A/N 2: ****I don't know about the rest of you, but I was definitely in need of some sweet, sweet lovin' after the angst party we had in the last two chapters. Phewf!**

**Please leave me some review love and encouragement on your way out :) I'll send a teaser for the next chapter to everyone who does! **

**Love to AngelGoddess1981 for betaing! **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I don't own Twilight.**

**Love to everyone who's reading and reviewing; and to Ang for betaing :)**

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_**~ Chapter 6 ~**_

_**(Bella)**_

"Edward, do you think we're boring?"

It was Thursday morning and we were sitting at our breakfast table, drinking coffee and eating bran muffins before work. We had fallen right back into our routine – comfortable and normal as ever – after the incident that I was now not-so-fondly referring to as: _'My Husband is a Ferocious Sex Animal but Doesn't Know How to Handle His Irrational Feelings About It and Give Me Universe Altering Orgasms Again'_ – or just 'Saturday Morning Sucked' for short.

Edward lowered the newspaper he was reading and peered at me atop it. "No. Where did that idea come from?"

"I don't know... It's just something Alice said about us when I was over there on Satur…"

He winced slightly and I stopped mid-sentence. We had said our apologies and come to an understanding over the whole thing – not to mention the fantastic make-up sex we'd been having every day since – but the subject of last Friday night and the subsequent Saturday morning fallout was still unfortunately raw for us. We tried to avoid discussing it if we could.

I grimaced in apology and Edward gave me a small, forgiving smile before furrowing his brow and looking at me quizzically. "Alice said we were boring?"

"Well, maybe not in so many words, but it just got me thinking – when was the last time we had fun?"

"Two Sundays ago. We went to a matinee movie with Alice and Jasper," he answered immediately.

I snorted. "That's not _fun_; it's entertainment. And you said it yourself – it was a _matinee_. It doesn't even count as a 'night out' because it was the middle of the afternoon."

"Okay... We went to the new art gallery opening last month with my parents."

"Oh my God," I huffed. "There are so many things wrong with that sentence I don't even know where to start. Let me sum it up in three points for you: last month, art gallery, and parents. Enough said."

Edward just chuckled and shook his head.

"I'm talking about real _fun. _When was the last time we got our pulses racing?"

He shot me a devious smirk. "Well, there was this morning in the shower…"

I rolled my eyes. "Be serious, please. Have we become that couple, Edward? Are we so caught up in the mundane happenings of our everyday lives that we forgot what it feels like to have real, genuine, heart pounding, eye-sparkling fun?"

"Someone's dramatic this morning," he teased.

I wrinkled my nose and glared at him. "Ha ha, smart guy. I'm going to remind you of this little conversation when you're sitting on the front porch whittling wood and yelling at the neighbourhood kids in a couple of years."

Edward folded up his newspaper and set it down on the table, shooting me an amused but exasperated look. "I'm thirty-one years old, Bella. I've got a long time to go yet before the brats around here get to deal with my persnickety-ness."

"Not at the rate we're going," I shot back. "And you just used the word "persnickety". Only people seventy-five and up say that. You're not even half way there and you're already talking like an old man! Don't you see, Edward? If we don't get out and enjoy what youth we have left, before we know it we're going to be perched in front of the television in his-and-hers matching recliners, yelling at the idiots on Wheel of Fortune while you fiddle with a Rubik's Cube and I crochet doilies for the end tables! Doesn't that freak you out at all?"

He rolled his eyes and muttered "dramatic", but then looked at me and grinned. "All right, I'm game. Let's have some fun! What did you have in mind?"

Uh oh...

"Erm, I have no idea," I confessed.

Edward threw his head back and laughed loudly as I crossed my arms and gave him the harshest stink-eye I could muster up at seven o'clock in the morning.

Still chuckling lightly, he looked back at me and mock-wiped a tear from his eye, his lips twitching with suppressed mirth. "Well, when you figure it out, you let me know. In the meantime I have to get to work. Those microscopes aren't going to distinguish cancer cells by themselves!" he concluded with a wink.

I loved this man, but he sure knew how to be a dork sometimes. I shook my head and laughed silently to myself as I stood from the table, carrying my now empty cup and plate to the sink.

Edward came up behind me, reached around to balance his dishes on top of mine, and then spun me around, pulling me into his arms. He placed a light kiss of the tip of my nose and said softly, "Really, baby. If you want fun – we'll have fun. You're right... I don't want to be a seventy-five year old man on the inside, when on the outside I'm clearly a young and virile stud."

He was trying and failing to conceal his smile as he finished his sentence, and I couldn't contain my giggle as I reached down to lightly spank his firm behind.

"You just wait, Edward Cullen," I joked. "I'll think of something and I bet that you can't even keep up with me. Maybe I'll stop and pick out a La-Z-Boy for you on the way home."

"You do that," he conceded. "That way you'll have something to put your feet up on after I run circles around you at … whatever we're doing."

"Nice one," I teased. "All right, get out of here. Eric should be by to pick you up any second now."

He leaned in again and kissed my forehead, my cheek, and finally my mouth. His lips tasted of coffee and bran muffin and … _Edward_. He was just delicious.

"I'll see you at six," he said, releasing me from his arms and turning to leave.

"Braised beef salad with bleu cheese and walnuts for dinner tonight!" I called after him.

God, what was I just saying about boring? My husband was leaving for work and I just shouted tonight's dinner menu to him... Blah_._

I searched my mind frantically for something even mildly more exciting than 'braised beef salad' and then called out to him again. "Hey, Edward?"

He stopped and turned his head back around to look at me. "Yes?"

"Nice ass."

**x – X – x**

I stared blankly at my computer monitor, silently begging my first term student evaluations to write themselves. How many more times could I possibly say, _"Your child does not appear to be taking his/ her studies seriously. Please contact me at your earliest convenience so we can schedule a meeting to discuss a plan of action."_ without marching straight to my Principal's office and handing in my immediate resignation? Ugh.

Leaning back in my chair, I pulled my brain away from the depressing lack of focus and motivation my students were showing and instead thought about my conversation with Edward this morning. He had been receptive to the idea of getting out and doing something new, and now I needed to figure out what exactly that something was going to be. I'd come this far in my quest for excitement; there was no way I was giving up now.

I sat there for several minutes contemplating different avenues of adventure, eventually coming up with … nothing. How could I not think of even one thing remotely exciting to do on a Friday night in Seattle? This was even worse than I'd originally thought.

After cringing at my complete lack of ideas, I decided that I needed a new plan of attack. Ok, so maybe _I _was boring and unexciting, but that didn't mean everyone else I knew was. Then inspiration hit me like a strike of lightning - _Rose. _

Rosalie McCarty was the wife of Edward's college roommate, Emmett. I first met her when I was nineteen and went to spend the weekend in Seattle to help Edward get settled into his new off-campus apartment with Emmett. Edward and I had discussed living together since I would be transferring to U-W that fall after completing my first year of studies at Peninsula College in Port Angeles, but we'd agreed that playing house at that stage in our relationship would only complicate things and get in the way of our schooling. So now Edward was moving out of the dorms and I was moving in. I wasn't thrilled with the situation, but student housing was cheaper and my scholarship money unfortunately only went so far.

To say Rosalie and I started our relationship off on the wrong foot would be a gross understatement. Emmett, Edward and I had been unpacking boxes all day and we had just taken a break for dinner when Rosalie arrived. I'd heard nothing but good things about her from both of the guys, so when we were introduced I excitedly stepped forward to shake her hand. Only the toe of my sneaker caught on a stray box, which caused me to lunge forward and toss my entire glass of Orange Crush right into her beautiful face.

I'd stared in horror as the sticky orange soda slowly dripped down her long blond hair and over her perfect chin, ending in orange splotches all over the front of her white sleeveless blouse. As I continued to watch dumbly, Rosalie lowered her shocked gaze to her now ruined designer shirt before snapping her head up to glare daggers straight into my soul. I'd been just about to open my mouth and let loose a string of grovelling apologies when she beat me to the punch, unleashing the terrifying fury that was Rosalie McCarty nee Hale.

"You clumsy jackass!" she screamed at me. "This shirt is a Michael Kors original! Do you have any idea how many bitches I had to poke in the eye to get through the mayhem when it was released in store? Or how much money I paid my butler to stand outside all night and keep my place in line?"

I had never been one to enjoy confrontation, but there was no way I was going to let some chick I just met push me around. I narrowed my eyes and replied acidly, "Obviously way more than you could afford, considering you didn't have enough money left over to buy yourself some class – or grace."

She sneered at me, launching right into a second tirade. "What would you know about _grace_? Judging from this little display, you have about as much grace as a drunken elephant. How is it you've managed to get this far in life with all your original parts still intact? Or at least what I assume to be all your original parts, because I can say for certain that nobody else would pay good money for what you've got under those hillbilly overalls you're wearing."

I was quick to retort. "Sizing me up for donation already, are you? Heidi Klum's nose isn't quite working out for you? Not that I blame you for wanting a rework, considering the half-rate Barbie Doctor you let carve you up clearly went overboard with your lip plump. But then, I guess you can be thankful they draw attention away from your unfortunately lopsided implants. They're staring at me a bit cockeyed."

We had yet to break gaze in our little showdown, but out of the corner of my eye I could see Edward and Emmett gaping at us with their eyes practically falling out of their sockets. From the looks on their faces, I was mildly surprised they didn't have their arms wrapped around each other in fear.

I'd resumed my focus on Rosalie only to see that the fury in her eyes had dimmed and she was now looking at me with a calculating gaze, her still-dripping head cocked to the side in concentration. I was bracing myself for another verbal attack, but to my surprise she stepped forward with her hand outstretched. "I'm Rose. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

I shook her hand, my brain now fuzzy with confusion, before she turned to Emmett and said, "I'm just going to get myself cleaned up, babe. I'll be back out in twenty. Save me some pizza, would you?" With that, she headed into Emmett's bedroom and shut the door behind her.

My shocked gaze turned to Edward and I raised one eyebrow at him in question, but he just shrugged and continued to stare at me with wide eyes and a slack jaw.

Finding nothing in the way of an explanation from my boyfriend, I turned next to Emmett, who shook himself out of his stupor and broke out into a deep, booming laugh. "Baby Bell, you might very well be the first woman in twenty years to stand up to Rosalie Hale. You had better be planning on you two being the best of friends, because there's no way you'll shake her off now."

Emmett hadn't been exaggerating. After Rose re-emerged from the bedroom, she casually grabbed herself a slice of pizza and plopped down in the middle of their black leather couch, patting the space beside her and smiling at me. We chatted about everything and nothing while the guys continued moving furniture and unpacking around us, and by the end of the evening we were already becoming fast friends. I learned quickly that once you got past the cold, hard exterior, she was warm and loving and even more beautiful on the inside.

Not to mention _wild _– the girl loved to party. I didn't know why I was only thinking of this now, but I wasted no time shutting down my Report application and bringing up my instant messenger program. I signed in and was thrilled to find that she was online. I quickly opened a new chat box and typed:

_B. Swan-Cullen__: Rose, I need your help. _

Her reply popped up immediately.

_RosyThorns__: What do u need? Is everything OK?_

_B. Swan-Cullen__: Oops, that came out wrong. Everything's fine._

_RosyThorns__: Good, u freaked me out for a sec. What's up?_

_B. Swan-Cullen__: I'm boring Rose. I need to have some fun. What can E and I do for fun? _

_RosyThorns__: LOL, you lost me girl. What do u mean ur bored?_

_B. Swan-Cullen__: Not bored, BORING. Actually, I guess I'm both. I don't know... I just realized the other day that we never do anything really fun anymore. I want to get out and find some excitement. _

_RosyThorns__: Excitement? How bout skydiving? I know an instructor. Has his own plane n everything…_

_B. Swan-Cullen__: Yikes! Nothing that extreme … yet ;) Start me off a little slower please. What are you and Em doing this weekend?_

_RosyThorns__: Going to a club on Sat. Drinks n maybe dancing. We go every other week._

_B. Swan-Cullen__: What do you mean you go every other week? How come you've never invited us? You suck, Rose :( _

_RosyThorns__: Sorry hon. Didn't think dancing was ur thing. _

I sighed and dropped my forehead into my hand. Everyone around me thought I was a total buzzkill. How could I not have realized this before? I grumbled to myself and typed a reply.

_B. Swan-Cullen__: See, even you think I'm boring! Help me, Rose. HELP ME!_

_RosyThorns__: LOL! Ur not boring. Just laid back. So come w/ us this weekend! It'll be great. Club is a cute little jazz bar rest of week but on Sat they bring in this amazing underground DJ. I promise u'll have fun! Pls come, B!_

_B. Swan-Cullen__: OK, you're forgiven, haha. That sounds perfect! Where and when?_

We made our plans and said goodbye until Saturday. The idea of plugging away at more student evaluations gave me an instant brain cramp, so I shut down my computer and tidied up my desk before heading home. I couldn't wait to tell Edward about our first real night out in years.

**x – X – x**

I stood in front of my full length mirror, turning nervously back and forth as I studied my nearly unrecognizable reflection. Saturday evening had finally arrived, and I'd spent the last two and a half hours showering, shaving, buffing, plucking and all around polishing my entire body from head to now-pedicured toe. My hair was curled and fell in long, loose waves down my back, thankfully covering the backless shirt Alice had demanded I get for tonight.

Knowing full well that nothing I owned was suitable for a night out at a club, I insisted that she take me shopping earlier this afternoon. Alice had mercilessly dragged me from store to store as I tried on more clothes in one afternoon than I had in my entire life, occasionally picking up something for herself as she loaded me up and pointed me toward the fitting rooms.

She finally settled on a shiny, emerald-coloured satin halter top which was loose in the body but ended in a wide band that sat on my hips, paired with a short black denim pencil skirt with a long slit up the front and black stiletto ankle boots. I'd never worn anything like this in my entire existence; but I couldn't deny that I looked good, and I felt unbelievably sexy.

Taking one last look at myself in the mirror, I snatched up my light jacket and headed out to the living room to find Edward. He was sitting on the couch, lazily flipping through the channels with his feet on the coffee table and a bored look on his face. Hearing me walk into the room but not looking up, he grumbled, "TV sucks anymore. I don't know why we even bother paying for…"

He stopped short as he finally turned to see me standing in the doorway, all ready to go. His eyes glazed over and he swallowed, tugging on the neck of his cream-coloured crewneck tee shirt while his eyes raked over me, from my head to my feet and then back up again.

"Um, Alice picked it out for me," I said shyly. "You don't think it's too much, do you?"

"No. No, definitely not too much," he replied absently. "But I think I'm going to spend much less time socializing tonight than I will fighting the men off of you. Maybe we should stop and pick up a taser on the way there."

I giggled. "You clean up nicely yourself." That was definitely the understatement of the year, as I knew full well that I would be doing my share of chasing off the women out to steal my husband from me tonight. He was a specimen of a god in his snug tee shirt and low slung, dark rinse jeans – accentuating the lean muscles of his arms and chest, his tight butt and long, slender legs.

A taser might not have been such a bad idea…

Edward stood from the couch and came over to sweep me up into his arms, lifting me from the ground and pressing his mouth firmly to mine. Then he pulled his face back and looked deep into my eyes. "I am the luckiest bastard in the world..." he said earnestly, "...to have a real life goddess as my date tonight. You look incredible."

"Thank you," I replied a little breathlessly. "I feel incredible. I really do."

His face broke out into a wide grin as he set me down and took my jacket from me, holding it out so I could slip it on. He then took my hand and led me to the foyer, pausing only to grab his own coat and put on his shoes before opening the front door and allowing me to step outside first, finally locking up behind me.

We spent the thirty minute drive to the club in a comfortable silence, occasionally sharing tidbits from our workweek with each other or commenting about the songs that came on the radio. Edward found a parking spot a block away, and we walked back toward the club hand in hand, finding our four friends waiting outside for us.

After exchanging hugs and hellos, Emmett led us inside and to a table near the dance floor, which was already filled with flashing coloured lights and a smoky mist. The music was upbeat and loud, the pounding bass causing the floor to bounce and the pictures to rattle on the dark panelled walls. Edward helped me out of my jacket, hanging it over the back of my chair, and then held out his hand to steady me as I climbed up onto the high-backed barstool.

A tall young waitress wearing all black save for a deep red apron came by to take our drink orders. "Three Crantinis," Rose announced, looking from Alice to me for signs of protest. We both nodded. The guys each ordered a bottled beer and the waitress left with a promise to be right back.

Once our drinks arrived we spent some time catching up on our lives, shouting into each other's ears and craning our necks closer to one another in an effort to hear over the music. At some point Emmett requested a second round of our drinks and a straight shot of vodka for everyone except Edward, who had excused himself from anymore imbibing since he would be driving the two of us home when the night was through.

After pushing a shot glass to each of us, Emmett winked at me and then raised his glass in the air. "To Edward and Bella," he boomed, "For finally getting a life."

Everyone else raised their glasses in toast, but I just rolled my eyes at his teasing and threw back my shot, grimacing at the strong taste but enjoying the warmth that slowly crept into my belly. I could feel the alcohol going to work, relaxing my limbs and lowering my inhibitions, so I leaned into Rose and shouted into her ear. "When do we get to the dancing part?"

Rose instantly broke out into a wide smile, grabbing Alice and me by the hand and leading us out onto the center of the crowded dance floor. She released us from her grip and both she and Alice immediately began moving to the sharp beat of the music, bringing their arms up above their heads as their hips swayed and their feet shuffled on the wooden floor.

I watched them nervously for a few seconds, the reality of the situation suddenly crashing down on me – I didn't dance ... _ever_. Sensing my hesitation, Rose put an arm around my waist and pushed her hip into mine, rocking me side to side with her in time to each throb of the deep bass. She grinned at me and winked, and I smiled back at her, feeling the confidence seep back into me and send a rush of adrenaline through my veins. I stepped away and closed my eyes as I let the music wash over me, my mind letting go and my body taking over as I moved my limbs to the beat.

I opened my eyes again to find Alice and Rose beaming at me in obvious pride, so I moved in closer to them and we continued to dance, laughing as our bodies bumped together, swaying and gyrating and rubbing up against each other in the heat of the moment.

I couldn't believe how I'd been missing out all this time. I was nearly high from my excitement and my body buzzed with energy and life. This was exactly what I was looking for. I was having … _fun_ – real, genuine, heart pounding, eye-sparkling fun.

Suddenly remembering Edward was here with me, I looked out between the writhing bodies to see him leaning back against our table, his head cocked to the side as he watched me with heavily lidded eyes and a sexy smirk on his face. I let my vision expand outward and was not at all surprised to see every woman within ten feet of him biting her lip and eying him up and down, clearly trying to decide how to approach him. I looked back to Edward who was still staring only at me, and I couldn't help but smile that my god of a husband had eyes for me alone.

I leaned close to Alice and yelled into her ear. "I'm going to talk to Edward." She nodded and I made my way off the dance floor, still bopping and swaying lightly as I walked.

Edward wrapped his arms around my waist as I reached him and we smiled at each other for a minute before he leaned in to whisper to me. "You are by far the sexiest thing this place has ever seen. No man in here can keep his eyes off of you – myself included, of course."

I beamed at him and pressed myself closer into his arms. "I feel incredible. Full of life and energy and just … _happy_. Thank you so much for bringing me here tonight. This is just the kind of fun I was looking for."

Edward's smile grew wider and he leaned in to kiss me on the forehead. "Like I would miss an opportunity to see my wife let loose on the dance floor. You nearly brought me to my knees with the way you were moving out there. I can't wait to get you home and show you a few moves of my own."

Hot damn_._..

I leaned back to look into his face and was met with wild, lust-filled green eyes and a wicked crooked grin. A sweet rush of longing settled between my legs, sending tingles through my body right to the tips of my fingers and toes. "I think I'm ready to go now," I said breathlessly. Boy, was I ready.

Rose and Alice had returned to the table by this time, so we said a quick goodbye to everyone, thanking them for inviting us and assuring them that we would join them again then next time they came here.

Edward and I all but ran to the car and he peeled out the second both our doors were closed. I drummed my fingers impatiently on the armrest, needing for us to hurry up and get home so I could tear the clothes from his body and ravish every inch of him.

My mind wandered, filled with sexy thoughts of my husband and me, when suddenly I noticed he was taking a wrong turn. "Edward," I said quickly. "This is the wrong ramp. Our exit is the next one up."

He looked over at me and winked. "I know."

I was confused ... and curious. "Where are we going? What are you doing?"

The wicked, crooked grin he flashed made my heart beat a little faster. "Being spontaneous."

"Spontaneous?" I echoed, barely daring to believe what he was saying.

"Yes... _Very_ spontaneous." Then he stepped on the gas and we sped off into the night.

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**A/N: Remember my little deal from last chapter? I'm thinking you'll all be lined up for that teaser now ;) So click that little review button before you go, and I promise I'll put you out of your misery!**

**See you next week! **


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I don't own anything to do with Twilight other than a glass cabinet full of collectables. Yes, I'm that nerdy. **

**Ang's laptop was in for repairs this weekend so she couldn't beta for me :( Any mistakes you see are my own.**

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_**~ Chapter 7 ~**_

_**(Bella)**_

My heart stuttered in my chest. We were being ... _spontaneous_?

Seriously?

Edward had _never _done _anything_ spontaneous. Everything with him was always planned right down to a meticulous 'T' and then flawlessly executed according to his lists and flowcharts and whatever other perfectionist means he employed to get the job done. It was a trait of his that I'd always been thankful for in the past, because it meant that most of our endeavours flowed smooth as a calm ocean and we were rarely met with any type of storm to rain on our parade. But now that I felt the thrill of him acting on a whim and stealing me away in the middle of the night, I couldn't help but hope he might send his obsessive-compulsive tendencies packing and let this crazy, carefree Edward Cullen take up permanent residence. I definitely wanted to get to know him better.

Edward drove and drove as I sat there impatiently, squinting out into darkness and looking for any kind of clue as to our destination. I was so excited to know where he was taking us and what we were going to do when we got there that my hands were shaking and my stomach was doing an endless loop between my belly and my throat. After what felt like hours but was probably more like fifteen minutes, the car slowed and we took a sharp right turn. The headlights washed over a large wooden sign and I turned to him in confusion.

"Alki Beach Park? But it's nearly one o'clock in the morning—the park's closed and the gate will be locked. What are we doing here?"

"Parking," Edward replied.

His cryptic, one-word answer only confused me further. I still didn't understand. "Parking?"

Edward glanced at me and smirked. "Yes, parking. And we don't need to get into the actual park; I'm just taking advantage of the long, deserted drive up to the gate," he said with another wink.

I stared at him stupidly for a few seconds before my brain finally clicked into gear, his intentions becoming clear as glass. "You mean—_parking,_ parking? Like we're going to have sex in the car? Out here?"

His cocky smile faltered at my shocked expression. "Uh, yeah. Well that was the idea anyway," he said uncertainly. "We don't have to if you don't want to though... Never mind, I'll just take us home."

I snapped out of my stupor, quickly putting my hand on his arm to stop him from turning the car around. "No, Edward—wait! I'm sorry; you just took me by surprise. I don't want to go home."

He looked back to me with a cautious grin. "We're going to do this then?"

I raised my eyebrows and bit my bottom lip around a smile, nodding hurriedly. The initial shock of Edward's suggestion was quickly being replaced by wicked excitement. It had just occurred to me that at twenty-nine years old I'd never had sex in a car. There was no way I would allow myself to go to my grave without having this experience.

_Let's get it on..._

_...in the car._

Edward pulled the Volvo over to the side of the narrow road, the tires crunching to a stop on the rocky gravel. I peered out my window nervously. The path up to the park was lined on both sides by tall, thick trees, making it seem as if we were parked in a tunnel. It was dark—much darker than it ever got in the city. If it weren't for the excitement of what I knew we were about to do, I would've been seriously freaked out by our surroundings.

"Wait here," Edward said as he climbed out of the car and went around to the trunk. He came back with a deep green fleece blanket and flipped the driver's seat forward, leaning into the back to spread the blanket across the seat.

_Always a gentleman_, I thought happily to myself. _Even when we're about to get busy in the car out in the middle of nowhere, he's still thoughtful enough to want to protect my butt from chafing on the leather seats. _

_Or else he wants to protect his leather seats from being chaffed by my butt... Hmm. He does have an unhealthy infatuation with this car... _

I frowned at the unromantic thoughts my mind had taken. Leave it to Bella Swan-Cullen to ruin a perfect moment by over-thinking it.

I rolled my eyes at myself and switched my attention back to Edward, who was now walking around the outside of the car to my door. He opened it swiftly and extended his hand to help me stand. A shiver of apprehension rocked me as the cool night air tickled my bare arms and legs. Why did it have to be so creepy out here? This was the most daring thing Edward and I had done ... well, ever ... and I didn't want to kill the moment by being a sissy. I took a deep breath to calm my fluttering heart. This was good—everything was going to be fine—Edward was here—he would protect me from anything that might jump out of the trees. Yes—there was absolutely nothing to worry about. Thankfully my fears began to subside, but even so, I was grateful when he flipped the seat forward and motioned for me to climb into the back.

I inelegantly struggled my way past the seatbelt and through the small opening, collapsing onto the seat and scooting over to allow Edward to climb in beside me. Looking all around, I studied the backseat of the car from this perspective for the first time, having never ridden back here myself. It looked very small. I wrinkled my forehead and wondered exactly how Edward was planning for this scene to play out.

He was sitting beside me now, and he reached a hand up to stroke my hair from the top of my head down to the center of my back. "Have I told you yet that you look stunning tonight?" he asked softly.

"You might have mentioned it once—or twice," I replied with a smile.

My hand came up to trace his cheek and across his sharp jaw, feeling the day's worth of stubble prickle my fingers. He sighed and closed his eyes, leaning his head into my palm. "I love the way you love me," he whispered.

I melted. He was the most amazing man ever. No one could make me feel as cherished as he did. "Edward," I whispered back to him. "Make love to me—in the car."

I giggled but then Edward opened his eyes, his lust-filled gaze locking with mine; and in an instant I was straddling his thighs, my skirt hitched up around my waist and his pants now puddled at his feet. He was already rock hard as he ground my hips against him roughly, bringing his face to mine and attacking my lips with a frenzied passion. I wrapped my arms around his neck and returned the kiss fervently, my tongue meeting his stroke for stroke as we continued to grind against each other.

Wasting no time, he reached between us to push my panties to the side; and in one fluid motion we were joined, moving with a smooth, slow, tantalizing rhythm. I sighed in pleasure as he filled me completely over and over again. Our bodies fit together perfectly—like we were made for each other alone—stretching and stroking in all the right places until we were both sweaty and panting.

My insides were in a frenzy, the delicious warmth of pleasure building up for my release, when—_thump_—my head hit the roof of the car. I shook off the unpleasant surprise and continued to focus on my approaching orgasm, but then—_thump_—again_ ... _and_—thump—_again! Ow! With that, my orgasm was lost. Damn it!I hissed in frustration.

"You ok?" Edward panted.

"Yeah. I just need to…" I leaned back slightly, trying to bend my neck to avoid hitting my head again, and was pleased to find that this new angle caused him to hit new heights within me. "There we go."

We found our groove again, both of us moving more frantically as our pleasure continued to rise, and soon my first orgasm was approaching for the second time. Then I noticed that my ankles were pressed awkwardly into the edge of the seat, and my feet were quickly and painfully falling asleep. I tried my best to ignore it and focus on my impending release, but just like before, my orgasm was lost. Damn it, damn it, damn it!

"Edward," I sighed dejectedly. "This isn't working. Can we change positions?"

My question seemed to have snapped him out of a fog. "What? Oh, yeah sure."

I climbed off his lap and we shifted awkwardly around each other until I was lying back on the seat with Edward hovering over me. His knees were bent at a ninety-degree angle and his feet were pressed up against the back driver's-side window; which did not look very comfortable, but he didn't complain before we began to move again so I assumed all was well.

I tangled my hands into his hair while he began kissing and nipping lightly at my neck. Edward was really grunting by this point and I assumed his release was close, so I sped up my hips to try to get him over the edge, even though my own orgasm was nowhere yet in sight. I heard his breath hitch and was sure he was just about to let go when my worst nightmare suddenly came true.

_Knock, knock, knock._

We both froze and our heads shot up toward the driver's side back window, where Edward's feet were still pressed up against the glass. The windows were all fogged over and dripping with condensation, so I couldn't see outside—and thankfully whoever was out there couldn't see in.

My mind raced with a million ridiculous but still frightening possibilities:

Axe murderer...

Man with a hook...

Robbers...

Sicko who will lock us in his basement and torture us...

Aliens.

Edward and I looked back to each other with wide, panicked eyes, both of our pounding heartbeats audible within the small confines of the Volvo.

_Knock, knock, knock. _

The loud rapping sounded again and this time a man's deep voice followed it. "All right, kids. Get yourselves decent and come on out of there. This is the police."

Mayhem broke loose in the car. Edward shot up off of me in a flash, hitting his head on the roof and falling to the side onto the floor, ending up wedged between the back and front seats. I was kicking my legs as I tried to pull my skirt over my hips and down my thighs, cursing as my panties got caught and ended up around my knees. I could hear Edward's belt jingling as he tried to get it done up, and judging by the amount of time it took him to be successful, his hands were shaking just as badly as mine.

Edward wrestled his way back up off the floor and turned to me with panicked eyes. "Are you ready?" he choked out. I met his terrified gaze with my own and nodded. Speaking was an impossibility for me at this moment; it was all I could do not to scream.

Slowly reaching for the handle, Edward opened the driver's side door, took a deep breath, and then climbed out. I shook my hands out in front of me, trying to muster all the courage I could before taking a deep breath of my own and following him out.

Once I managed to extricate myself from the seatbelt, which oh-so-inconveniently decided to wrap itself around my neck and choke me as I tried to climb out of the car, I stumbled over to Edward's side and reached for his hand. He wrapped his arm around my waist instead, pulling me in close to him in a gesture of protection. I was thankful to have him supporting me, because my knees were knocking together so fiercely that I didn't know how much longer I would have remained upright.

The police officer shone his flashlight into both our faces, causing me to squint and recoil a little after the darkness of the Volvo. Red circles danced in front of my eyes as he lowered the light and frowned at us.

"How old are you two?"

"Thirty–one," Edward replied; while I squeaked, "twenty–nine."

The officer's frown deepened and he eyed us uncertainly for a minute before asking for both our identification. We silently handed him our driver's licences, which he took with narrowed, calculating eyes. "Wait here," he instructed as he glared at us, then turned and walked back to his cruiser. He climbed inside and proceeded to punch who-knew-what into the little computer mounted on the dash.

We stood there in silence, waiting for him to return, while my mind raced in frantic speculation. _Are we going to get arrested? Will we have a record? Holy crap, my dad's a cop! Not just a cop—he's Police Chief Swan! If I have a record, won't he be able to read it? Will he see that his grown daughter got arrested for boning her husband in the back seat of their car like a couple of horny teenagers? I'll never be able to look him in the eye again! _

I must have been shaking and hyperventilating, because Edward's arms suddenly wrapped around me and he pulled me into his chest. "It's ok, love," he whispered soothingly. "It's going to be fine. We're here together, and we're both adults. The worst he can do is give us a ticket for public indecency. We won't go to jail; don't worry." He continued to rub soothing strokes up and down my back, occasionally kissing my forehead, and eventually my breathing slowed as my panic subsided.

I heard the officer's footsteps crunching on the gravel road behind us, and he cleared his throat as he approached. I turned around to see him standing in front of us, his glare replaced with a barely repressed smirk. "Well you _kids, _I've checked your records and you're both clean as a whistle, so I'll let you go with a warning this time. Just keep your business out of the public areas and we won't have any trouble. This road is regularly patrolled, so don't let me catch you here again. Now go on home." With that, he returned our driver's licences and walked back to his cruiser, where he waited for us to drive away before following us as far as the main road.

Edward pulled back onto the freeway and we drove silently for a few minutes, until I finally turned to talk to him and noticed that his face was plastered with an ear-to-ear grin. What the hell?

"Why the hell are you grinning like that?" I demanded.

He turned to look at me and his green eyes were wild. "That was the most thrilling experience I've ever had in my life!" he exclaimed. "First the sex ... and then getting caught ... and my adrenaline was pumping and I just couldn't believe that I had somehow found myself in a situation like that! It was just … _wow_!"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My husband, the refined and reserved Edward Cullen, was turned on by _danger?_ My pulse started racing as I quickly realized what this meant and how I could use it to my advantage. I lowered my voice an octave and said as huskily as I could, "Oh-h-h, you liked that, did you? Getting caught being … _naughty_? Did it make you … _excited_?"

Edward's head snapped around to meet my gaze and his wild, hungry eyes bore into mine. I instantly recognized the look on his face—it was the same one I saw last Friday night when he took me like an animal; when he first dominated me.

Holy crap. Did this mean ... ?

He didn't say anything though, he just stomped on the gas as we flew around the corner and came to a screeching halt in front of our house. He was out of the car in a flash, yanking open my door and barely allowing me to remove my seatbelt before hauling me out of the car. He grabbed my hand and pulled me up the front walk, sliding his key into the lock in one smooth motion as he slammed the door open and dragged me inside.

I heard the deadbolt click as I bent over to remove my boots, but before I could Edward picked me up and threw me over his shoulder, practically running us down to hallway to our bedroom.

* * *

**A/N 2: Well, well, well ... are we about see the return of Spankward? If you want to find out, leave me a nice review and I'll be sure to send you a teaser for the next chapter! **

**Shameless self-promotion in 3 ... 2 ... 1:**

**I wrote a ridiculous Jasper/ Alice one-shot for the 'Pineapple Awards' called _'To Love a Pixie'_ and I'd love for you all to read it. It's seriously insane, but hopefully worth a laugh or two ;) You can find it under my stories on my profile.**

**My girl AngelGoddess1981 also wrote a hilarious one-shot for the Pineapple Awards called _'The Mechanics of Thrust'_ and it is so ... fucking ... funny! Check that out, along with her just completed BDSM fic, _'Teacher's Pet'_—a super sexy, Domward vs Dommella smut-fest that will leave you writhing and panting for more—on her profile. **

**xoxo**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Soooo sorry for the late update, my loves. FFn was all fail-like and then I got distracted by a one-shot and ... yeah. Sorry, sorry, sorry. How about I make it up to you by posting an extra chapter sometime next week? Yes? Am I forgiven now? Yous guise are the bestest! :)**

**Quick reminder about responsible BDSM: **_**no **__**safeword—no spankie.**_** Got me? Again, we'll be addressing B&E's failure to practice safe kink in a later chapter. Mmkay? Mmkay.**

* * *

_**~ Chapter 8 ~**_

_**(Edward)**_

I turned back onto the freeway, letting the events of the last ridiculously fucked-up thirty minutes wash over me.

Much to my disappointment, sex in the backseat of the car was pretty much a failure. Somehow it hadn't occurred to me before we got out there that I was a bigger than average guy—tall and lean but respectably muscular— and by comparison I drove a really small vehicle. Initially I'd been excited about this new (to us) experience, but once I was back there and got a good look around the cramped interior I started to have serious doubts about the logistics of the situation.

Then Bella climbed into my lap and sheathed me with her wet heat, and I forgot all about any worries I'd had regarding the mechanics of the situation. Until we started moving—and the force of her weight on me coupled with her downward thrusts caused my ass to wedge painfully into the crease of the seat behind me. Add to that my shins being jammed into the center console between the front seats, effectively cutting off blood flow between my knees and my hips, and I was starting to lose feeling in my dick. I'd never tried before, but I was pretty damn sure that it was impossible to get off when one's dick was numb.

At some point I'd heard Bella hiss, so I asked her if she was okay. She said yes, but then leaned her body back away from me, putting even more pressure on my knees and effectively causing my shins to dig even further into the hard plastic console in front of me. The sharp pain sent a wave of nausea through me, but Bella seemed to be really getting into things by that point; so I'd kept moving with her anyways, trying to enjoy what I could of the painful but none-the-less exciting experience.

I'd been exceedingly grateful when Bella appeared to be seconds from her release, and did my best to block out the agony in my lower extremities so we (or at least _she_) could finish. Only then she'd cut through my concentration and requested a change in position. I was relieved beyond words as we'd shifted around the cramped interior, thinking maybe I'd get to enjoy the situation after all.

That was until we ended up in a distorted version of the missionary position, which to my utter dismay was even worse than the first debacle. In order to fit myself over top of her on the seat, I'd had to bend my knees at ninety degrees and lean my feet on the window. I was determined to make it work though, so after pushing back inside of her I tried to ignore my discomfort and lose myself in the moment. Only then my pants slid from my ankles to puddle around my knees, and my belt buckle became wedged between my shin and the door of the car. _That_ I couldn't ignore—every time I thrust forward my legs would press backward into the door, and I found myself bracing for the moment I was stuck through with the prong.

Thankfully by then Bella had increased her speed against me, so again I was sure that she was going to come any second. I'd picked up my own pace to try to send her over the edge, but to my horror the increased thrusting caused my knees to wedge painfully into the crack between the seat and the door, and I found myself grunting in pain with every movement I made. By that point I was silently begging her to just come already so I could get the hell out of the car before my legs were damaged beyond repair, and then it happened—the belt buckle finally shifted and the prong scraped up my leg, gouging into my flesh. _Fuck, fuck, motherfucking fuck!_ my brain had screamed; that shit hurt worse that anything I'd felt in a long time. My breath caught in my throat and I'd been just about to bite my own tongue to stop the flow of obscenities from streaming out ... when my worst nightmare came true.

The whole 'Officer Cockblock' scene had been the rancid icing on the rotten cake that was the whole craptastic experience. Not only was I fairly sure my knees were going to require surgery to regain full range of motion, but Bella had been in near-hysterics and I wanted to kill myself for dragging her into it with me. I'd tried my best to soothe and reassure her that we weren't going to be arrested and taken to jail, and was thankful when her breathing slowed and she'd stopped trembling in my arms.

I'd known for certain what she was freaking out about, too—my father-in-law was Chief of Police in our home town of Forks. If we were to be arrested and charged, the transgression would go on our permanent records ... which he would have full and complete access to. I also knew that if the worst was to happen, the one who should _really_ be worrying was me, as Charlie owned a multitude of guns and was very well trained at using them. I didn't doubt for a second that he would shoot me in the foot if I ever got his precious daughter into trouble—which in hindsight I _probably _should have thought of before taking us out there.

Relieved but not entirely surprised when 'P.O. Smirks-a-lot' let us go with a just a warning, I had quickly helped Bella into the car so we could haul ass out of there and not look back.

Only now that we were out of the horrific situation and safely driving away, I found myself starting to feel something other than fear—and okay, intense embarrassment—creep up my spine. I felt … _thrilled_. The after-effects of adrenaline were still tingling through my veins, and my head was spinning with … _excitement._ For the first time in a long time I felt _alive_, and I suddenly understood Bella's want to have real, genuine, heart-pounding, eye-sparkling fun. This was amazing. I couldn't help the ridiculous grin that spread across my face.

"Why the hell are you grinning like that?" Bella demanded, breaking me out of my musings.

I opened my mouth and the words just tumbled out. "That was the most thrilling experience I've ever had in my life! First the sex ... and then getting caught ... and my adrenaline was pumping and I just couldn't believe that I had somehow found myself in a situation like that! It was just … _wow_!" I babbled excitedly.

As soon as I said it I realized that I'd mistakenly alluded to enjoying the horrible car sex, but just as I was about to correct myself and beg her to never ask me to do it again—she cut me off.

What she said next caught me completely off guard. "Oh-h-h," she purred, "You liked that, did you? Getting caught being … _naughty_? Did it make you … _excited_?"

Something familiar and dangerous rattled in my chest, and my head snapped around to meet her wicked gaze without me meaning it to. Her gaze was positively burning with lust and desire, and as I stared into the fire of her eyes I felt the shift within me—my hold on rationality snapped. All thoughts of anything but ravaging the delicious woman before me were lost as I slammed the gas pedal into the floor, sending the car flying around the corner into our neighbourhood before I brought us to a screeching stop in front of our house.

Launching myself out of the car, I sprinted around to tear the passenger door open and rip Bella from her seat, practically dragging her up the front walk and throwing her inside the house in my frantic need to devour her.

Thankfully—and surprisingly—I thought to lock the door before I threw Bella over my shoulder and high tailed it to the bedroom, where I hastily set her on her feet and flicked the second switch on the wall, turning on just our bedside lamps. When I looked back Bella stood before me, trembling slightly with wild eyes and an excited grin.

"You. Naked. Now." I growled.

Without hesitation she was kicking off her shoes and tearing her shirt over her head, revealing her perky breasts to my eyes as they bounced slightly with her movement. I was instantly and painfully hard, and she was only half undressed—nothing compared to the hold this woman had over me. Her fingers fumbled briefly with the button on her skirt, but she still had it undone and off within seconds. Clothes scattered around the room, she now stood before me in just a lacy black thong, her chest heaving with laboured breaths as she watched me.

My eyes narrowed. "I said _naked_." Stepping forward, I put one hand on her hip while the other reached around and grasped the top of the offending garment. With a sharp pull I easily tore it up both sides; it fell apart in my hand and I dropped it to the floor. "Don't disobey me again," I whispered into her ear.

Bella shuddered and took a sharp breath. "I'm sorry," she breathed. "It won't happen again."

_That's better_, I thought. _She needs to know who's in charge here—me. _

"On your knees," I commanded.

She dropped to the floor immediately and lowered her gaze to the ground.

I had something else in mind though. I put a finger under her chin and tilted her face up so she could look into my eyes. "Watch me."

I took a few steps backward before reaching for the hem of my shirt. My fingers grasped the fabric and I pulled it up my stomach and over my chest, only breaking gaze with Bella when I slipped it over my head. The shirt hit the ground as I watched her stare trail slowly over my torso, lingering on my right arm before making its way back down to my abdomen. She chewed lightly on her bottom lip and took a slow, deep breath.

Never taking my eyes off her, I unclasped my belt buckle, sliding it from the loops in my jeans before wrapping it into a coil and placing it on the dresser behind me. "We'll save this for later," I said with a wink.

Bella's eyes widened and a shiver rocked her body, but then the corners of her mouth twitched and she licked her lips, biting deeper into the bottom one as her tongue disappeared.

I unbuttoned my jeans and lowered the zipper, sliding them down my legs together with my underwear. Stepping out of both, I quickly removed my socks before striding casually back over to Bella. She looked up at me with wide, expectant eyes. I grabbed my solid dick and pointed it at her. "Pleasure me."

Bella wasted no time taking me into her mouth and I immediately groaned in satisfaction. Her hand replaced mine around the base of my shaft, and she gave it a gentle squeeze as her lips dragged slowly up and down my length. I closed my eyes as the intense warmth of her soft, swirling tongue teased my release to the surface quicker than I'd like to admit, but the woman was good—damn good. I groaned deeply once again as my balls begin to tighten, gripping Bella's shoulders and urging her on. "Fuck, baby. Faster."

She increased her already fast pace as my dick slipped in and out of her mouth, hitting the back of her throat on every other pass. One more strong suck and I was done; I clenched my ass and thighs, tightening my hold on her as my orgasm took hold and I spilled into her mouth. Awash in the aftermath of pleasure, I took a deep and satisfied breath before looking back down to Bella. She looked pretty damn pleased with herself—as she should. It was time to reward her hard work.

I held my hand down to help her up from the floor. She wobbled slightly as she stood, but the wicked grin on her face told me she was okay to go on.

"Lie down on the bed and spread your legs—wide," I instructed her.

Bella nodded and quickly complied, stretching out in the center of our bed with her feet pointing to opposite corners.

Her hungry eyes watched me as I walked around the end of the bed, where I picked up my belt from the dresser before I went to stand at her left side. Kneeling on the bed by her head, I reached up to bring her arms above her head, one at a time. Her breath caught in her throat when I began to wrap my belt around her wrists, looping it back over itself several times before securing the buckle.

I stood and moved the few steps to where her left foot lay, where I let my eyes travel up her legs, over her hips and the slight swell of her abdomen, and then up her waist and torso, ending at her breasts. I loved Bella's body. She was thin but not skinny, with moderate curves and breasts that fit perfectly in the palms of my hands. I could never get enough of her—ever. My gaze lingered on her long and graceful neck, where I knew the sweet freesia smell of her skin would be strongest. I took a deep pull of air, as if I could draw the mouth-watering scent to me from where she lay.

Beginning at the sole of her foot, I dragged my left index finger up over her toes, then along the top of her foot and up her leg. I stopped once I reached her hip, smirking as I cocked my head to the side.

"You've been a good girl," I told her. "Good girls are rewarded. Tell me, what would you like me to do to you to show my appreciation?"

Bella took a ragged, shuddering breath. "Touch me," she whispered. "I want you to touch me."

"Where do you want me to touch you?" I implored.

"Everywhere," she breathed.

My lips twisted up into another crooked grin. "You're going to have to be more specific, love. Where does your body crave me the most?"

"My … pussy," she whispered. I knew she hated that word, but some twisted part of me liked to hear her say it. "I want you to touch my pussy."

"And so I shall..."

I walked over to the other side of the bed and knelt beside her hips. Reaching one hand between her legs, I began to rub my palm back and forth over her, alternating between light and firm pressure. Bella sighed and moaned softly, but I knew she could give me much more. Pulling my hand away, I quickly snapped it back to slap her pussy with my open palm. She gasped and shuddered, clenching her eyes shut as she groaned through her teeth. That was more like it. I watched her for a second before bringing my hand back and slapping her again, and then again one more time.

She cried out loudly this time, but then her eyes popped open and her scorching gaze burned straight into me. "Again," she nearly begged. "Do that again—_please_."

I grinned and slapped her once more before my fingers found their way inside. Bella gasped and moaned as I moved my hand at an easy pace, her hips coming up to press against my palm.

"Easy, love," I crooned. "Be still and let me take care of you."

She whimpered in frustration but lowered herself back down to the bed.

As my one hand continued to fuck her, I brought the other up so my thumb could tease her clit. Bella's eyes rolled back and she groaned loudly, her hips now practically writhing under me.

"Tell me how it feels," I urged. "Tell me what I do to your body."

"Feels … so good," she panted. "You make me … crazy. Never … want you … to stop. Oh, fuck ... _fuck_, don't stop!"

A shiver ran through me when I heard her swear. It was harsh and dirty and ... hot as all hell. I wanted to hear it again. "Say that again," I told her. "Say fuck again."

"Fuck," she said weakly.

I frowned. "You disappoint me, love. Say it like you mean it."

I increased the speed of both my hands, and was rewarded when she swore again, much louder this time.

"Fuck!"

"That's better," I praised, moving even faster still. "Again."

Bella groaned deep in her throat—a darkly lustful sound I'd never heard her make—and I wasn't entirely sure what to expect when she screwed up her face and took a long, deep breath. Until... "_Fuck!_" she yelled, her wicked fervour sending hot prickles up my spine. "Oh, fuck, fuck, _fuck_! Motherfucking … shit. Fuck me … you_ rat bastard motherfucker_!"

Her orgasm exploded and I felt her walls clench tightly around my fingers as her hips thrust up off the bed. She cried out louder than I'd ever heard from her before, and then she collapsed back down, her legs twitching slightly as the waves of her release began to ebb. I couldn't look away. Her hair was wild, her face flushed and glowing with sweat, and her body was so slackened and still I thought she might melt right into the bed. She looked like a woman who'd just experienced the highest heights of rapture—and I'd taken her there. It was the most glorious sight I had ever seen.

Wickedly inspired and aroused beyond coherency, I couldn't wait another second to be inside her. In an instant I was between her thighs, biting her neck and gripping her ass as I joined our bodies. A low, feral growl erupted from my throat—_damn_ she felt good on my dick. I tried to pace myself and move slowly, but when Bella wrapped her legs around me and matched her movements to mine it was over. Panting and grunting as I thrust hard and fast against her, I barely registered her voice when she spoke into my ear.

"Edward... Edward, where's the box? Do you want to…?"

The box? _The box._ Holy fucking shit.

Without another thought I pulled out of her and rolled to the side, nearly falling over myself as I leapt off of the bed.

"Holy fucking shit!" I shouted. "Fuck! _Fuck!_ I was doing it—again!"

Bella struggled to sit up with her hands still bound, turning slightly onto her side so she could prop herself up on one elbow. "What—what's wrong? What happened?" she asked frantically.

I rushed back to remove my belt from her wrists, throwing it carelessly to the floor once she was free. Bella sat up slowly, watching me with worried eyes as I began pacing back and forth across the room.

"Shit! I was just … _gone_. I don't even know what the fuck I was doing there. Are you ok? I didn't hurt you again, did I?"

"No," she said cautiously. "You didn't hurt me. Everything you did was incredible. Why did you stop?"

"Because!" I exclaimed. "I don't know what comes over me when we get into it like that! It's like my brain shuts off and I become someone that I don't even recognize—like I have a multiple personality disorder or something. Holy shit, what the fuck is wrong with me?" I was banging my hands into the side of my head by this point, trying to get everything that was crashing around in there to make some sense to me.

"Edward ... you're kind of freaking me out here. Come sit down and talk to me. I don't understand what's going on. I thought we were going to try to do this; I thought you wanted it too."

"I do," I huffed, and then went over to our dresser to find some clothes, suddenly feeling very exposed—inside and out. I grabbed a pair of boxer briefs and then opened one of Bella's drawers to find something for her as well. I tossed her a grey nightgown before pulling on my briefs and going to sit beside her on the bed.

She looked confused and distressed, which just made me feel like even more of a loser. Why the _hell _couldn't I just _do this_? I knew she wanted it. I knew _I_ wanted it. So then why could I only get into it by having my brain take a vacation so I could free the monster of my darkest desires from his cage? It was like I had Good-Edward and Bad-Edward fighting for dominance inside of my head. Good-Edward ruled most of the time, taking me through everyday life; but then there was this Bad-Edward lurking around in the dark corners, waiting silently until he saw his opportunity to kick Good-Edward in the balls and make his escape. Why couldn't the two of them just call a truce and shake hands, coming to an agreement for time sharing and visitation rights and whatever else? That would seriously make all this bullshit a whole lot easier for me. I really needed to find a way for the two of them to just accept each other and get along.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I don't even know what to say—where to start. I feel like a fucking wreck."

Bella put a hand on my arm and lightly stroked my bicep, silently encouraging me to continue. I pinched the bridge of my nose and clenched my eyes shut, trying to decide which pile of my crap to unload on her first.

I took a deep breath and let it all out. "After our conversation last Saturday I did a lot of thinking about what made me lose it like I did ... and I realized that I'm overprotective of you—I always have been. It's just … you're everything to me, Bella. The thought of anything bad happening to you, ever, makes me just … _augh_! I can't even describe it.

"So when it was _me_ who'd been the one to cause you harm—it nearly fucking killed me. I hated myself. I hated that I'd hurt you; marked you; damaged you. The wounds on your flesh mocked me and called me a monster. I've spent nearly my whole life in love with you—watching over you, protecting you … and in one night I turned the tables and became everything I ever fought to keep you from. It scared the ever-loving shit out of me. So when it's me—_me—_trying to do these things with you ... I can't. My entire being shies away from anything that might be a danger to you."

I took another deep pull of air.

"Ugh, but then there's this other side of me—a side that I don't even _know_—who seizes the opportunity and just runs with it. He'll do anything you want … because he wants it too. I don't want _that_ Edward to have control though, because he's not _me._ This Edward, the one who's talking to you right now, he wants all the things you want for us sexually—I do, I swear. I just don't know how to be _me_ without being your protector. I'm completely mind-fucked right now."

I felt like I was talking in circles. Did any of that even make any sense? Or was Bella going to pack her bags and sneak off in the middle of the night because her husband was a raving psycho?Damn it all to hell...

Lifting my gaze for the first time since I started my whole insane spiel, I looked over to Bella and my heart plummeted as I saw silent tears streaming down her face.

"Oh shit! Baby, I'm so sorry—did I scare you? Fuck, what's wrong?" I asked frantically.

She shook her head as more tears leaked out of her eyes. "No, Edward—_I'm_ the one who's sorry. I had no idea how deep this went. Alice told me that you were overprotective and scared to let me down by hurting me physically, but I honestly didn't realize it was so … deeply ingrained in you. I thought you were just overreacting to a couple of bumps and bruises. I'm such an asshole; and I am so very sorry that you're going through this right now. It's all my fault; I should have known better after last time."

Her voice was wobbly and breaking on every other word and it made me want to _die_ to hear her in such distress, but something still made me ask. "Why are you blaming yourself? This has nothing to do with you; this is all me."

Bella was shaking her head rapidly, her lips trembling as she prepared to dispute me. "I did it again—in the car. I saw that you were excited and turned on by what we'd just gone through. I recognized the look in your eyes from last Friday, and I pushed all your buttons to try to get us here. I manipulated you again and it worked. And now we're here, and it's all fucked up; and you're so worried about hurting me, but when it comes right down to it—I'm the one who's hurting you. I'm a horrible person."

Sobs wracked her body as she dropped her head into her hands. I pulled her into my arms immediately, lowering us so we were lying down, facing each other. Bella buried her face in my neck as she wept, her hot tears like rivers of lava burning my skin. I hated—_hated_ to see her cry. My lips kissed everywhere I could find—her hair, her forehead, her ear, her chin—as I rubbed circles on her back, trying to calm her.

"Shh, Bella, don't cry," I begged. "This is _not_ your fault. You're not a horrible person. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever known, inside and out. I love you so much—so very, very much. Please—please don't cry."

Her sobs were slowly turning to hiccups as I continued to massage her back and whisper soothing words to her. After about five minutes, the hiccups became shuddering breaths, and then her breathing finally evened out as her tears ceased to fall.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered against my neck. "I don't know why I'm doing this to you. I'm selfish and … I'm just so sorry."

I pulled back slightly to look into her eyes. They were red and puffy and she looked … incredibly tired. At that, a wave of exhaustion washed over me and I realized there was no way we could have a rational, functional conversation in the state we were in. I put a finger over her lips to silence her apologies.

"Not now, okay? It's after three o'clock in the morning and we're both exhausted. Let's sleep and we'll talk about this in the morning. Everything looks better in the morning, right?" I smiled, trying to reassure her that as messed up as all this was—we were going to be ok. We would _always_ be okay.

Bella nodded and reached behind her to turn off her bedside lamp before curling up under the blankets. I did the same and then pulled her close to me, enveloping her body with mine.

She sniffled and swallowed thickly. "I love you. I just … love you—so much."

I tightened my arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "I love you too. You're my life—always and forever."

Once her breathing slowed and deepened, I closed my eyes and let myself relax into sleep; confident in our love and determined to find a way to make this work for us.

* * *

**A/N2: Not what you were expecting? Sorry, but ... did you really think they'd get over all their issues and go forth having mind blowing D/s sex 'til the end of time after one week? Come on now! Besides—where would the fun be in that, hmm? ;) These two still have a lot to learn about themselves and each other, and there's lot of story left to be told—not to mention that things have been pretty vanilla in the BDSM they've dabbled in so far. So don't give up! Sexy-dirty fun times can't be that far away... *wicked grin***

**Thanks for reading and reviewing! **

**xoxo**

**OH! PS: That one-shot that distracted me? It's an entry for the "Curvaceous and Bodacious Bombshell Fic Contest", which promotes more full-figured female characters in Twific. There are some truly amazing and uplifting stories to be read—33 in all—and I strongly urge you to go check them out and vote for your favorites! My story is called "Healing Touch" and can be found on my profile, as well as in the contest C2 community. Go here to see them all: **

**www . fanfiction . net/community/CurvaceousAndBodacious/89930/ **

**(Make sure to remove the spaces around the dots when you copy/paste the URL into your browser.)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I don't own Twilight—yadda, yadda, yadda.**

**Sorry I'm late ... again. I don't have any excuse other than real life being real life. You know how it is...**

**Much love to Ang for betaing! **

* * *

**~ Chapter 9 ~**

_**(Bella)**_

I awoke to the bright sunshine of a beautiful fall day in Seattle ... then immediately clenched my eyes shut and buried my face into my pillow. My head was pounding like a high school marching band at the homecoming parade—complete with horns and cymbals and an overexcited cheer squad doing flips in the background. I groaned and peeled my fuzzy tongue from the roof of my disgustingly parched mouth, swallowing thickly and grimacing as the taste of stale vodka, paralyzing fear, intense excitement, and hysterical tears slid slowly down my throat. What a night.

Cautiously turning my head back to the side, I forced open one sandpaper eyelid and tried to focus my bleary vision on the clock on my nightstand. It was ten-thirty-eight. Edward and I had a rather unfortunate conversation to get through; and if all went well, I had my regular Sunday lunch with Alice and Rosalie at one o'clock. Sighing in resignation, I dug deep for all the energy I could find and made to get out of bed and face the day.

A pair of strong arms caught me around my waist and pulled me close to a warm body instead.

"Where do you think you're going?" Edward mumbled.

I giggled and was instantly sorry when my head pulsed in agony.

"_Ow_. I don't know about you, but I feel like I was run over by a bicycle. I think I need some extra-strong painkillers—stat."

Edward chuckled and then groaned. "Yeah, I've got a bit of a headache going on here; which is odd, seeing as I wasn't even really drinking."

"Well," I replied nervously. "Last night was rather … intense."

"Yeah ... it was," he agreed quietly.

I sighed and turned around to face him, thinking it was probably best to just get this out of the way now.

"Listen, Edward. I'm sorry about…"

He immediately cut me off. "No—you've already apologized. I graciously accept, and you are happily forgiven.

"Honestly, I think we said everything that needed to be said last night. We both know better now, and we can go forward from here, right? We just need to take things slow—for real this time though. No more seizing the opportunity and running in blindly. Can we do that?"

My heart soared. Not only did he forgive me for all the wretched things I'd done lately, but he was still willing to try to take our sex life to the next level. Could I get any luckier than to have this incredible man as my husband? Never.

I smiled. "Of course we can do that! I understand so much better now; and I promise I will never, ever push you again. We'll do this on your time. Whenever and whatever you're ready for—I'll be waiting."

He leaned in and placed a quick kiss on my lips. "Then we're good here. I'll go put some coffee on."

Rolling out from under the covers, he made his way over to the dresser and grabbed a pair of black pyjama pants, quickly pulling them on before striding out of the room.

I sighed in contentment as I watched his bare muscular back, trim waist, and unfortunately-covered tight buns disappear around the corner. The man was everything I could ever ask for all rolled up into one insanely beautiful package. Once again I wondered how I could be so incredibly lucky.

With a final groan, I heaved myself from the bed and stumbled into our bathroom, turning on the shower as hot as I could stand it. After swallowing two super-strength pain killers, I furiously scrubbed the putrid taste from my mouth and then tugged a brush through the tangled mess on top of my head. Once I was satisfied that I would be able to get my fingers through my hair to wash it, I stepped into the hot, steamy spray and let my shoulders slump forward as the water ran down my body. I stood there for several minutes just letting my brain and muscles relax, then grudgingly began my morning routine.

After my shower, I threw on a light turtleneck sweater and a pair of comfortably worn-in jeans (even though my weary body begged me to put on some sweats) and then did as little as possible to make myself presentable. There was no way I could stand to blow dry my hair this morning, so I simply pulled it up into a messy bun atop my head. My makeup consisted of a smidge of tinted moisturizer on my face and a light touch of mascara—and with that, I was done. I frowned slightly as I examined myself in the mirror. I looked ... like I'd had a rough night_. _Not that I had the energy to care... I shrugged at my reflection before heading out of the bathroom and through our bedroom.

The intoxicating smell of fresh-brewed coffee lured me into the kitchen, but when I got there Edward was nowhere in sight. Huh. I dug into the farthest reaches of the cupboard for the largest mug I could find, pouring myself a steaming hot cup before going in search of my elusive husband.

I found him in the office, sitting in front of his open laptop with a satisfied smirk on his face.

"What are you looking at?" I asked.

He jumped in surprise and slammed the laptop closed, hastily standing up from his high-backed leather chair. "Um, nothing … nothing," he said unconvincingly, scratching the back of his head and looking everywhere but at me, his eyes shifting nervously from side to side.

Edward had always teased me for being a pathetic liar; but after witnessing this little display, it was apparent the time had come for me to introduce him to the kettle and see if he called it black. I cocked an eyebrow and arranged my face into an expression that said I was amused but clearly didn't believe him—at all. Edward chanced a glance in my direction, giving me a guilty grimace before leaving the desk and hastily striding past me.

"How about some breakfast? Are you hungry? I'm starved. Maybe some eggs... Omelettes! Do we have ham? A ham and cheese omelette would really hit the spot. Yeah—with toast and orange juice. Hey, do we have oranges? Fresh-squeezed juice would be even better," he babbled, hurrying down the hallway.

I narrowed my eyes at his quickly retreating form. The man was up to something; and if he thought I wouldn't figure it out, he didn't know me at all. Game on, mister.

I followed him into the kitchen, where he was already furiously beating some eggs with a whisk. Stepping up quietly behind him, I immediately started fishing for information.

"So…" He jumped a little but kept his back to me. "Do we have any plans for this evening?"

Edward cleared his throat before replying. "No," he said casually. "Not that I'm aware of."

"Hmm…" He sounded sincere. I decided to try a different tactic. "In that case, do you feel like renting some movies tonight? I can stop and pick up a few on my way home from lunch. Unless there's a reason I shouldn't…?" I leaned against the counter so I could see his face as he replied.

Edward turned and flashed me a wide smile. "That sounds wonderful, baby. You and me, cuddled up on the couch—maybe with some snacks and a bottle of wine? I can't think of a better way to spend a Sunday evening."

He sounded pretty convincing. I scrutinized his expression. He looked calm and collected. What was _with_ him? A minute ago he was stuttering and falling all over himself, and now he was smooth as Sinatra's voice. Things were _not_ adding up here.

Secretly formulating my next plan of attack, I watched Edward stir some cubed ham and shredded cheese into the eggs before he poured the whole mix into a warm pan. My mouth watered as I inhaled the delicious aroma of omelette beginning to fill the air. I had nearly forgotten about Edward's secret … whatever it was … as I realized just how starving I was. I stared at the eggs slowly forming in the pan and silently willed them to cook faster.

"Baby, do you want to pop some bread into the toaster?" Edward asked, breaking me out of my breakfast trance.

"What? Oh sure," I replied distractedly.

I made the toast and set it on the table along with two glasses of orange juice from a carton. I was still too hung over to deal with fresh squeezed. Edward brought two plates with an omelette each and set one at each of our places. We both sat down and dug in hungrily.

Breakfast was spent mostly in silence, with Edward occasionally smiling at me around mouthfuls of egg or toast as I glared at him in suspicion. He was way too smug. I finished my meal and then sat back in my chair, staring at him meaningfully until I couldn't stand it any longer.

"What were you doing on the computer this morning?" I demanded.

He looked at me with wide eyes, as though my question had taken him by right. "What? I told you—it was nothing."

_Liar, liar, pants on fire!_ my mind screamed. I barely kept it in. "If it was nothing, why were you acting all funny when I came into the room?" I challenged.

His lips twitched, but otherwise he remained cool. "I wasn't acting funny. You just caught me off guard, is all. You're getting worked up about nothing."

There was that word again—_n__othing_. I knew him too well; this was definitely _not '_nothing'.

"You're up to something," I shot back. "Just tell me what it is! You know I hate surprises."

Edward chuckled. "Believe me, baby, I _know_. If there was something going on, I'd tell you. You know we don't have secrets."

He was sounding all honest and sincere again, and everything about him appeared relaxed and calm. My suspicion wavered. Maybe I _was_ making a big deal out of ... 'nothing'. It really was out of character for Edward to keep anything from me. Still…

I huffed in exasperation and pointed a finger at him. "Fine; I'll let it go for now. But I'll be watching you, Edward Cullen. If you've got something up your sleeve, I'll figure it out. Just you wait," I threatened.

Edward just shrugged. "Whatever you say ... but you're just wasting your efforts 'cause there's nothing to find."

I sighed in defeat and waved my hand at him. "Fine, fine ... consider it dropped. I have to run though, okay? I'm going to be late for lunch. I'll be back around six with the movies. Maybe we can order in too? You go ahead and choose."

"Sounds good to me... Have a nice time."

"Thanks," I said, giving him a quick kiss on the lips. "You behave yourself while I'm gone, all right?"

Edward laughed heartily as I went to the front closet to get my coat. "Come on, babe. You know me better than that!" he shouted after me.

I snorted and rolled my eyes as I headed out the door. I would have believed that yesterday; maybe even earlier this morning; but now ... something told me that wasn't entirely true.

**x – X – x**

Alice and Rose were already seated and chatting away happily when I arrived at our usual diner, each with a half-empty mimosa sitting in front of them. I slid into the chair beside Alice, where a mimosa sat waiting for me as well, and quickly apologized for being ten minutes late.

Rosalie waved a dismissive hand at me. "No big, sweets."

Before meeting her, I never would have imagined that anyone could share in the dynamic and closeness that Alice and I had, but Rose fit in with us perfectly. It was like she completed a part of us that we didn't even know we were missing. We were more than best friends; closer than sisters, even. The three of us were soulmates. Nothing was sacred or off limits between us. We shared everything—laughing together, crying together, and standing up for each other when it was needed. I couldn't imagine wading through life without these two amazing women to hold my hands.

"Thanks."

"So..." Rosalie began as soon as I had settled into my seat. I knew what was coming next before her mouth even formed the words. "Rumour has it there's been some drama unfolding over at the Cullen house." She raised her eyebrows suggestively.

Alice coughed and shot me a guilty look.

"It's okay," I assured her.

How could I be angry with Alice for telling Rose something I would have shared with her myself? The three of us didn't keep things from each other, and I knew Alice didn't spill to be gossipy. I think I freaked her out pretty badly when I showed up at her house yelling, cursing and crying about what had happened between Edward and me. The story that followed was nothing short of weird either—I didn't blame her at all for needing to talk to Rose about it.

Alice exhaled a sigh of relief and smiled at me gratefully.

The waiter came by and we gave him our orders (just a side salad for me after the late breakfast I'd had at home) and then I dove right into my story. I told Rosalie everything, sparing no detail, while she cat-called and wolf-whistled through the whole thing. It didn't really bother me; Rose _will_ be Rose; and besides, it _was_ a pretty hot little tale, if I did say so myself. But when I got to the part about the morning aftermath, her amusement turned to annoyance at the way Edward had reacted.

"What a douche-bag!" she huffed. "How dare he say all that bullshit to you. If I was there I would've junk-punched him so hard he'd be fucking you through his mouth right now!"

"Thanks, Rosie," I said through my giggles. "Don't be mad at Edward, though—the whole thing was my stupid fault anyway. Listen up Ali, because this next bit is new to you too."

Alice perked up immediately and turned her chair toward me, her eyes glowing with curiosity. I breathed deep, collecting my thoughts, and then launched into the ridiculous account of our night after the club.

Rose interrupted me not far into the story. "You guys went _parking_? Are you _serious_?" I could barely understand her as she cracked up at our antics. "Didn't you get that out of your systems in university?"

I couldn't help the blush that crept into my cheeks. "Um, actually we'd never done that before last night."

They both gaped at me. I just shrugged.

"I don't get what the big deal is about it, anyway. It was cramped and uncomfortable; and I was so preoccupied with getting the feeling back in my feet that I couldn't even get off."

Rosalie snorted. "Well yeah, it's uncomfortable; that's why you do it when you're an agile young woman, and not when you're pushing thirty."

I shot her a dirty look. "Whatever. Bitch. It's not important anyway. Do you want to hear what happened next or not?"

Rose clamped her mouth shut over her grin and then extended her hand, palm up, gesturing for me to continue.

"Okay. So, we were just getting into it when the police showed up..."

They both broke into hysterical laughter. I sighed and rolled my eyes, freezing the annoyed look on my face until they began to compose themselves. Alice's whole body was shaking with repressed giggles as she wiped tears from her eyes with the corner of a napkin, while Rosalie had her forehead on the table as she tried to reign in her snorting.

I glared at both of them. "I hate you two. I'm trying to have a serious conversation here! Some bad business went down with us last night and I need you tell me what the hell I'm supposed to do about it!"

That sobered them up good and quick.

"Sorry," Alice said, putting her hand on my arm. "We'll be good, promise. Please continue."

"It's okay," I allowed. "I guess I can't spring something like that on you guys and expect a different reaction. If it was one of you, I probably would have laughed too."

Rosalie's lips twitched but thankfully she kept her mouth shut. I ploughed ahead before either of them could break out the giggles again.

"So it turns out that Edward _liked it_—getting caught, I mean. I never would have guessed, but he did. Then I, being the manipulative brat that I am, took advantage of him being turned on and pushed him into going all wild-animal on me again."

Alice grimaced.

"Yeah ... it turned out just as well as last time."

"Did you guys fight again?" she asked sympathetically.

"No, thankfully. But we did have a serious talk that ended with me in tears because I realized I'm a horribly selfish person who's just hurting the man I love over and over again. It's worse than you and I thought, Ali. Way worse."

Our food arrived at that point, but I just pushed my plate away. Rehashing everything from last night had completely killed my appetite. I took a sip of my mimosa instead. It was warm, but soothed my suddenly parched throat.

Rosalie spoke up around a bite of her tuna melt. "Are you two okay now though?"

"Yes," I assured them, and they both visibly relaxed. "Now that I know how deep all of Edward's issues with this go, I'm dropping the whole thing. It's not worth it to see him hurting and struggling with himself over it."

"Can you really do that?" Alice asked. "You seemed pretty … intense … the other day. Can you go back to just regular old sex after this?"

"I think so," I said honestly. "Sex has always been great for us. I didn't start all this because I was bored or anything. The idea of being dominated and of a little pain with my pleasure has always intrigued me, and I just wanted to try something new.

"Besides ... Edward says he wants it too; and I believe him. I just need to let him get to it in his own time. I don't want him pushing himself into it just for me; it needs to be right for both of us. I can't enjoy myself if I think he's struggling."

Alice and Rose both nodded.

"Here's what really gets me though," I continued as they ate. "I knew he wasn't comfortable doing this in the first place—he told me so a few years ago. And yet, I couldn't let it go. I wanted it so much that I covered my face with some stupid mask, hoping he would be able to get into it if he didn't think it was me he was 'hurting'. Then that blew up in my face, but when I saw another opportunity to push him into it, I did it again, knowing full well what the outcome would be! What is _wrong_ with me? If I knew so much better, why couldn't I just let it go?"

"Well that's easy," Rosalie piped up. "You're spoiled."

Uh ... _excuse me?_

"What the hell, Rose?" I demanded. "I am _not_ spoiled."

"Yes you are," she argued. "You have been as long as I've known you."

"What?" I gasped.

I looked over to Alice for support, but she was staring intently into her plate of penne alfredo like she hadn't heard a word of our conversation. Traitor.

"You'd better get explaining yourself, _Rose_ ... before I stab my fork in your eye!" I threatened. "How could you say such a thing? Spoiled! I am _not_ spoiled!"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, you are spoiled; and I will gladly explain why. It's about time you realized this anyway."

I glared at her, holding up my fork for emphasis. "I'm listening."

She smirked. "Ok … where did you go on vacation last year?"

"Ireland."

"Right—Ireland. Did Edward want to go to Ireland?"

"Yes," I replied, but for some reason I was feeling kind of hesitant.

"Did he?" she pushed. "You're sure about that?"

Then I remembered—Edward _really_ wanted to go to Japan, but I'd had my heart set on seeing Ireland since becoming infatuated with Irish poetry and folk lore as a teen. He'd been set on seeing the Land of the Rising Sun, but I'd begged for us to go to Ireland instead ... and we did.

"No," I conceded, still not entirely sure where she was going with this. "He wanted to go to Japan ... pretty badly actually."

"But you ended up going where you wanted to go, correct?"

"Yes," I answered reluctantly.

"Right... How about when you were buying your first car together? What did Edward want? I don't recall it being a Volvo."

"No ... he wanted a BMW M3, but I convinced him to get the Volvo because it was more practical. And then _you_ got an M3," I shot back at her. "He pouted about it for weeks."

Rosalie was unapologetic. "It's a good car; I don't blame him for wanting one; but that's not the point. The point is _you_ got what _you_ wanted ... again."

"So?" I challenged. "Big deal—we bought a Volvo and went to Ireland. How does either of those things make me spoiled?"

"I'm not done yet," she said calmly. "When Edward graduated from Med School, wasn't he offered a research position in Chicago? A very prestigious position—one that was unheard of being offered to someone of his age and experience? Something he had been dreaming about all his life?"

"Yes," I said cautiously. I didn't like where this was headed.

"And yet here we are, two years later, sitting in a restaurant in Seattle. Why is that, Bella?"

I swallowed the sudden horrible taste in my mouth. "Because I didn't want to go to Chicago. I didn't want to leave what we had here—my family, my friends, my job. Oh God, he gave up his dream for me ... and I _let_ _him!_" My eyes were prickling as I became painfully aware of exactly what Rose was trying to tell me.

She softened her tone. "I'm not trying to upset you, sweetheart; I'm just pointing out that in all your history together, Edward has never said no to you. He's always given you whatever you wanted, no matter what. Now you're used to getting your way." She shrugged like this was nothing to worry about. "So when he wouldn't give you the experience that you wanted, you went out of your way to get it. It makes sense, really—when you think about it."

By this point I was gaping at her with tears streaming down my face. "And I thought I was selfish before," I whispered. "I don't deserve him."

Rosalie got out of her chair and came around the table to crouch down in front of me, taking my hands in hers while Alice silently rubbed soothing circles on my back. I could feel the eyes of the entire restaurant on me. We were totally making a scene—a quiet scene, but a scene nonetheless. I didn't care; this was much more important than my pride.

"Edward loves you," Rose said gently. "More than anything in the world—we all know this. But by lavishing and coddling you , and giving in to you endlessly, he's made you what you are." She smirked and winked. "Now he has to face the monster he created."

"But I don't want to be a monster!" I cried. "He's only ever been good to me and given me everything; and I've taken it all for granted! God, I _hate_ myself right now."

Rosalie smiled sympathetically. "Maybe you do ... but Edward doesn't hate you, Bella—he never could. Take this information and do with it what you will; use it to make things right somehow. I know you'll make us proud." She swiped her thumb under my eye. "Now, dry up those tears! Sunday lunch isn't for crying; let's get you cheered up. So we have this new girl at the store…"

With that, she stood and went back to her seat, launching immediately into a catty tale about some new bimbo her boss had hired. I tried to listen but was too distracted by this new revelation I'd had dumped on me. First Alice—now Rose. Why did everybody know me so much better than I knew myself? And why did their knowledge always leave me feeling like a complete asshole?

Sensing my inner turmoil, Alice reached over to squeeze my hand under the table. I smiled at her and tightened my grip in a silent thank you. These girls were too good to me. Loving me unconditionally and helping me wade through all my crap that I didn't even recognize in myself until they were good enough to point it out to me. What would I ever do without them?

We spent the rest of the afternoon in pleasant conversation—well, Rose and Alice did. I sat there and stewed in my own self-loathing, occasionally nodding or contributing a lame, one word answer when they asked me a direct question. At one point I might even have agreed to something called 'Stripperobics' with Rose; I was definitely going to have to get some clarification on that one later.

By four o'clock we were all ready to head our separate ways, so I gave them both the biggest hugs I could and left to pick up a couple of movies for Edward and me to watch after dinner. Just because I was a writhing ball of inner-turmoil didn't mean I had to ruin his night by releasing my newly discovered demons on him. We'd had more than enough drama this weekend and I was looking forward to a quiet, relaxing evening with the man I loved.

I made a quick stop at the video store and then headed home with two movies we hadn't seen yet—"The Hangover" (it seemed fitting) and "Like We Never Were", an indie flick about a gay man's struggles through both acceptance and discrimination of his sexuality. Both looked good, and I was especially looking forward to the latter as it had my favourite up-and-coming actor in it. What could I say ... playing gay or not, the guy was just hot.

My heartbeat jumped a bit when I pulled up in front of our house, but I took a deep, cleansing breath and reminded myself that tonight was going to be a _good_ night before getting out of the car —I was going to make sure of it.

DVDs in hand, I made my way up the front walk and was immediately overtaken by the delicious smell of Thai food when I opened the door; along with the soft, soothing sounds of Edward's favourite Debussy record playing in the background. Smiling, I stepped around the corner; and my breath caught in my throat.

So _that's_ what he was up to...

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**A/N2: Please note that the posting schedule for TNSWB will change from Mondays to Fridays/ Saturdays, depending on where you live in the world. ****I got behind on the rewrites for this story and honestly won't be able to get caught up again—I just don't have that much spare time :/**

**Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! ILY all! xoxo**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Twilight no es mío.**

**The first time around with TNSWB (back in 2009), I got so frustrated and discouraged over this chapter that I almost gave up and trashed the whole fic. Seriously. So once again dear readers, please thank the lovely AngelGoddess1981 for saving not only this chapter, but this story—you wouldn't be reading it if not for her endless support and encouragement. I love you forever, Ang! *motorboat***

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**~ Chapter 10 ~**

_**(Bella)**_

My husband was amazing. A-m-a-z-i-n-g. How did he...?

I stood frozen in the living room doorway, totally stunned and unable to speak. There were no words for this. I might have dropped the movies I was holding, but in my current state of mind I couldn't be sure. My brain seemed to have shut down completely as I took in the sight before me.

There were flowers _everywhere._ Vases of pink roses on the end tables—white lilies on the coffee table—yellow tulips on the mantle—a purple orchid here and there... I noticed a mixed bouquet lying on the couch as well. My gaze travelled to the floor, where Edward was kneeling on a large red blanket, lighting two white taper candles which sat in ornate candlesticks on a large silver tray. He was surrounded by containers of take-out, and on his right were two square black plates, each with a set of shiny white chopsticks resting on them. A bottle of champagne was chilling in an ice bucket to the left, and two long crystal flutes waited beside it.

He had...

He'd...

Edward had set up a romantic carpet-picnic for us.

I was beyond blown away. It was all so incredible; so perfect—so Edward.

My brain/mouth function didn't seem to be working, but I managed to wheeze out a whisper-gasp to get his attention.

Edward looked over his shoulder and his face lit up when he saw me. "Just in time!" he exclaimed as he stood up off the floor. He picked up the bouquet from the couch before he crossed the room, handing it to me with another dazzling smile. Yes, that's what I was—completely and totally dazzled.

"For you, my love," he said, leaning in to give me a warm, soft kiss on the lips. "Hungry?"

Damn right, I was hungry; but not for food. Every fibre of my being was begging me to show my husband just how truly amazing this gesture was.

"Edward, I… This is incredible. How did you—when...?" I was still in such a state of shock that I couldn't even form a coherent sentence.

He chuckled lightly before answering. "I had some help. Emmett picked me up just after you left and we ran all around town getting everything I needed to set this up. Do you like it?"

Did I like it? Was he serious with that question? My eyes welled with heartfelt tears and I could barely speak around the lump in my throat. "I love it," I choked out. "It's amazing—you're amazing. I don't deserve you."

He gave me a funny look for my self-deprecating comment but didn't question me on it now; he just took my hand and led me to our dinner.

We sat down on the blanket and Edward immediately began opening all the take-out boxes, announcing the contents of each as he went. He had gotten all of my favourites; every single dish was for me. More tears sprang to my eyes—tears of happiness mixed with guilt and shame—but again I blinked them all back. I didn't want to cry tonight. I'd cried so much this past week that I was likely getting dehydrated. I just wanted to smile and laugh and enjoy this wonderful evening that my incredible husband put together for us.

"Dig in," Edward said with a grin.

I beamed at him as I picked up my chopsticks, filling my plate with as much as it would hold. We chatted aimlessly as we ate, with Edward filling me in on his afternoon with Emmett. (Apparently Em really knew his way around a flower shop, which actually didn't surprise me in the least. He was married to Rosalie, after all...) I forced myself not to cringe when he asked me about my lunch with the girls. Yes, there were a lot of things I wanted to talk to him about—and to apologize for—but I would worry about that later. Right now was about us being together. Everything else could wait.

When our meal was done, I helped clean up the empty containers and dirty plates before we settled into some cushions on the floor to watch a movie. Edward poured us each a glass of champagne and produced a box of chocolates from somewhere in his hidden cache of endless surprises, then we lay back on the pillows and relaxed.

Not far into 'The Hangover' I felt Edward's warm hand slip into mine. His thumb brushed along the back of my fingers, the soft, even strokes sending tingles up my arm—and elsewhere. Even a simple touch from this man was enough to light my skin on fire and send my pulse racing. I turned my face to smile at him and was met with a pair of scorching green eyes, the love and burning desire I saw within them blazing a path into my soul.

One look at each other was all it took. We both knew what was about to happen—what needed to happen.

Simultaneously sitting up onto our knees, we began shedding our clothes as fast as they would come off. No words were spoken; no words were needed. All we did was stare into each other's eyes, silently communicating a love that went deeper than words. Passion sparked in the air like electricity as our naked flesh met, our lips joining in a frantic, needful kiss.

I whimpered.

Edward held my head in his hands as his mouth devoured mine; and my arms wrapped around his back, pulling him close, but still not close enough. My body ached to feel him inside of me; to join with him; for us to be one.

Closer—I needed him closer.

I began to lower myself back to the floor, urging Edward to follow until he was lying on his back. He gripped my hips while I straddled him, reaching down to align us and slowing sinking to meet his pelvis. We both took a deep breath as our bodies connected, exhaling in a shuddering gust as the moment overtook us.

We sat there for endless minutes, our gazes locked and our breathing ragged, before I finally began to move above him. Pleasure radiated through me but I pushed it away. This wasn't about pleasing our bodies; it wasn't about lust or foreplay or orgasms. This was about our hearts—our souls. We were making love in the truest sense, combining ourselves into a single being as everything around us ceased to be.

Edward sat up and pulled me tight to his chest as we continued to grind against each other. I tightened my legs around his waist and buried my head into his neck, deeply inhaling his warm, musky scent. He smelled like untouched forests, bright sunshine on a warm day, and pure, clear water falling over rocks into a spring. I breathed him in greedily, and could feel him doing the same just behind my ear.

Edward released the clip holding my messy twist, one hand weaving into my hair as his other steadied my waist. With a gentle tug he urged me to lean back, our connection never breaking as he carefully guided my head to the floor and let his full weight rest on top of me. I sighed as his body enveloped mine. This was as close as we could get, tightly pressed against each other as we worked in rhythm, but still it wasn't close enough. I wanted him to absorb me, taking me deep inside him so I never had to know the ache of us being apart. Forever wouldn't be long enough for me to spend by his side.

Moving together fluidly, we both began panting and groaning with the increasing speed of our thrusts. I never wanted what was happening between us to be over, but my body was slowly acting against me—my release rising to the surface even though I willed it away. As soon as I heard Edward's telltale grunts I let go, falling into the abyss of climax as he made his final few jerks within me.

We just lay there for several minutes, our hearts pounding against each other as our breathing slowed and our bodies stopped trembling, until Edward finally rolled off of me with a sigh. My body yearned for him immediately, so I scooted myself up to his side and rested my head on his shoulder as my leg hitched around his hip. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close, every few minutes planting soft kisses in my hair as we lay there in blissful silence.

Eventually I realized the movie had ended, but I didn't want to go anywhere just yet. I reluctantly peeled myself away from Edward and grabbed a throw from the couch, then lay back down beside him and threw it over top of us.

Edward turned so we were both lying on our sides facing each other, with our noses just a few inches apart. I brought my hand up to run my fingers through his silky bronze hair, and he sighed and closed his eyes in contentment.

As I stared into his beautiful face, I suddenly felt everything I had learned about myself today come bubbling to the surface. As much as I knew I should save it for later, I couldn't stand to have something hanging between us, especially not after everything that we just shared.

"Edward," I said hesitantly.

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry."

He opened one eye to look at me. "What do you possibly have to be sorry about? We already cleared everything up about last night, so I hope you're not trying to apologize for any of that again."

"No, it's not that—at least not directly. I learned something about myself today that I'm really ashamed of. And knowing now that you've put up with it without a word for all these years just makes me … _gah!_ I don't deserve you."

Both of his eyes were open now as he concentrated on me. "That's the second time you've said that tonight. Why?"

I let out a gust of air I hadn't realized I was holding. "It's just that … you've given me so much over the years—so much more than I ever asked for.

"Remember how I used to make a fuss whenever you would buy me expensive stuff or do extravagant things for me?" He rolled his eyes and snorted. My refusal to accept his indulgences had driven him crazy as a young man. I smirked knowingly and continued.

"All I ever really wanted was you, but somewhere along the way I let down my guard and allowed you to shower me with gifts and grand gestures. Then I guess I got used to it, and I started to take everything for granted. Well, I realized today how many sacrifices you've made over the years for me, all while I've just selfishly let you."

Edward propped himself up onto one elbow, a look of confusion on his face. "Sacrifices?"

I tried to explain. "Okay, take the car for example. You wanted a BMW, remember?" He nodded. "But I convinced you to get the Volvo because I thought it was more practical for us. That was stupid. I should have let you get the BMW if it was what you…"

"We got the Volvo because it _was_ more practical for us," he interrupted. "Besides, I love that car—it gets great gas mileage and it rides really smooth. But ... what does the car have to do with anything?"

I sighed and tried again. "Okay ... how about our vacation last year then? We went to Ireland because _I _wanted to go to Ireland."

"Yeah, and...?"

"Well, you wanted to go to Japan so badly, but you gave in to me and we went where I wanted to go because I'm spoiled and I have to get my own way all the time and…"

Edward cut me off once more. "I didn't 'give in' to you when we went to Ireland. Sure I wanted to go to Japan, but when you talked about Ireland—about the poetry and the beautiful countryside and the history—the way your whole face lit up with excitement made Japan seem like a trip to the grocery store. You made me excited to see everything you wanted to see, too. _That's_ why we went to Ireland."

I was seriously taken aback by his reply. He was talking his way out of everything I had been so sure I was to blame for. How did he do that? I had one more to go, though...

I took a deep breath before diving in headfirst. "Chicago."

He raised an eyebrow in question. "What about Chicago?"

"You were offered an amazing opportunity there! You went to school for eight years so you could get into a career in research; and when you were offered exactly that, I begged you to turn it down because I didn't want to leave everything behind. You gave up your dream and I selfishly let you because I'm a spoiled brat who doesn't deserve you!"

Edward was shaking his head and looking at me like I was insane. "Where did you get all these twisted thoughts from? I didn't give up my dream for you—Bella, you _are_ my dream. Every day that I spend with you is the best day of my life.

"We stayed in Seattle because it was what was right for _us_. I knew it would break your heart to leave your father and our friends—basically moving away from everything you'd ever known. How could I ask you to do that ... for _me ... _when I already had all I could ever ask for right here? I would've been the selfish one if it had come to that. A job is just a job, baby—your happiness is what I live for. If you're happy, I'm happy."

I knew I'd said I wasn't going to shed any tears tonight, but I just couldn't help myself. Why did he have to be so _good_?

Edward's voice was soft as he brushed a tear from my cheek. "Why are you crying?"

"You're too good to me," I whispered. "I'm trying to tell you how I take you for granted, and you've got an excuse for every one of my faults. It's not fair that everything we do is for me. You're going to resent me for it eventually."

He chuckled lightly. "I already told you—if you're happy, I'm happy. Where we are, or what we're doing, or how we get there are just details. The only thing that matters is that you're there with me."

More hot tears leaked out of my eyes. Just when I thought I couldn't possibly love him more, he had to go and say something like that. I thought my heart would explode with what I was feeling for him in that instant. It felt so good it almost hurt. "I love you, Edward Cullen."

He leaned up to kiss me softly on the lips. "As I love you.

"Ok now, tell me," he said as he pulled away. "Where did all of this come from?"

I huffed and rubbed my temples. "A conversation with Alice and Rose today..."

He frowned angrily. I definitely needed to elaborate before I gave him the wrong idea about two of our closest friends. "I was trying to figure out why I keep pushing you into all this rough sex stuff. Rosalie told me that it made sense because I was spoiled and used to getting my way all the time. So when you turned me down for the first time ... well, probably ever, I couldn't let it go and kept looking for ways to push you into it—to get what I wanted."

I didn't know how I was expecting him to react to this revelation, but it certainly wasn't with maniacal laughter. Edward threw his head back and _laughed_. He laughed so hard he collapsed onto his back, holding his sides and gasping for breath as I stared at him in shock.

"Of all the things to come back and bite me in the ass," he wheezed.

I stared at him dumbly, completely confused. "What?"

"I've spent almost my entire life trying to give you everything and anything to make you happy. Then the _one_ time I say no, you want it so badly that you force it out of me anyway, and it happens to be the one thing that I'm more frightened of than anything? You have to admit, that's cruelly ironic."

I gaped at him. "But ... aren't you angry with me? I mean, not that I want you to be—well, maybe I kind of do—but I was spoiled and selfish and manipulative. Doesn't that bother you?"

"No," he said calmly. "I guess it's kind of my own making, isn't it?

"Besides, it's not like you went into this with malicious intent. You didn't know I would react how I did—frankly, neither did I. What's done is done, though. You've already apologized more than enough; and we're not looking back, but moving forward, right?"

I didn't know how to respond. All I knew was that my husband was the most incredibly _un_selfish person I had ever known. I was the luckiest woman in the entire world.

"I think this whole thing is kind of a blessing in disguise, anyway," he continued. "We've uncovered some things about ourselves that can only make us stronger if we face them head on, and personally I'm looking forward to a little growth. Plus, we both know that we want to go ahead and try to work out all this rough sex business—and we will. I'm confident in that."

"Edward," I breathed. "You're amazing. Just … amazing."

"Thanks," he said with a smile and a wink. "I think you're pretty awesome yourself."

He opened his arms out to me and I gratefully snuggled into him as I contemplated everything he had just said.

Edward might have forgiven me for all my selfish acts lately, but that didn't mean I did. Starting right now, 'Spoiled Bella' was dead. No more taking more than I gave; no more letting him make every decision with my interest in the forefront. From now on I would make sure that everything we did was for _us_.

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**A/N2: FFn's being stupid(er) lately and for unknown reasons is cutting random words/ phrases from my documents. So if you notice any missing words or sentences that don't make sense, please let me know so I can fix it, okay? I appreciate it muchly!**

**As shocking as I'm sure this is (*sarcasm*), I've fallen behind on my posting schedule and am unlikely to catch up. So TNSWB will now post once per week on Friday/ Saturday, depending where you are in the world. Sorry for the change, but I just don't have enough spare time for any more writing than I already do. Thanks for understanding! :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Twilight's not mine, and I don't want it. Fanfic is much more fun ;) **

**Hugs and kisses to Ang for betaing!**

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**~ Chapter 11 ~**

_**(Edward)**_

The last week and a half went by painfully slowly, but somehow it was still all a blur.

I was busy—very, very busy. There were four new graduate students in the lab who all needed constant training and supervision; plus I was trying to help Eric distinguish a very rare cancer mutagen that had been sent up recently; and on top of all that our wing of the building was undergoing renovations so there was noise and equipment and dust everywhere, which didn't make for a very comfortable working environment. As a result we were all pretty cranky, which led to long and stressful days that couldn't possibly end fast enough.

Then if work wasn't enough to bring me down lately, Bella was tied up with first term parent-teacher interviews at school so she was rarely home before eight o'clock anymore. I missed her terribly. When we would finally see each other at the end of the day, we were pretty much just eating a late dinner and then heading straight to bed. Sadly, by the time we curled up together neither of us had the energy left to even really talk, let alone have sex.

It had been a rough ten days. A very long, lonely ten days.

So when I arrived home on Wednesday to find a discretely-packaged box waiting for me by the front door, I very nearly had a heart attack from the shock. In all the mayhem of the last while I had somehow completely forgotten about my early morning snap decision the Sunday before last.

I stared at the package in a stupor, having no idea what to do now that it was actually here.

I had been far too nervous to say anything about it when Bella caught me finishing up the online payment that day. I honestly had no idea how she was going to react, seeing as I had made a very big, very expensive decision without her input. A very non-refundable decision—to the tune of twelve-hundred dollars. It had seemed like a good idea at the time; but after nearly two weeks to really think about it, I wasn't so sure anymore.

My impromptu picnic in the living room that night had sort of been my way of silently apologizing for not telling her the truth immediately. I hated keeping a secret from her, not to mention outright lying when she straight up asked me what was going on, but I just couldn't bring myself to tell her at that point. I was too afraid that she would kill me, to be honest—I still was. Especially now that the truth had arrived all wrapped up in plain brown paper, and Bella was going to find out not only what I'd been hiding, but also that my romantic gesture had two-timed as a decoy. I'd known immediately when she came home that she'd thought my dinner set-up was what I had been planning all along; and because I'm a bastard, I let her go on believing it.

I was a dead man.

Snapping out of my daze, I suddenly realized that I'd been standing on my front porch staring off into space for at least five minutes. Looking around to make sure none of my neighbours were watching me behave like a crazy person—old Mrs. Stanley and her binoculars in particular—I quickly let myself into the house and locked the door behind me.

The clock on the microwave read six-ten as I made my way through the kitchen to our bedroom. I had twenty minutes to pull myself together and change before heading out to meet Emmett at the gym. I stuffed the slim package into my underwear drawer and then quickly washed up before changing into a white muscle shirt and grey sweat pants, adding a white long-sleeved tee on top to keep me warm on my way there. Lastly, I grabbed a quick snack in the kitchen and filled up my stainless-steel water bottle, then dashed out the door to my already waiting cab.

Meeting up with Emmett tonight was exactly what I needed before I had to be a man and face Bella with what I had done. He knew about the whole thing; I had told him everything when he helped me shop for all my picnic necessities that Sunday. Of course, he _had_ laughed his ass off when he heard the details, but that was Emmett for you. The man couldn't take anything less than a funeral seriously.

When I arrived at the gym Em was already warming up on the treadmill. I hopped onto the one beside him and nodded a hello as I began to run. We jogged in easy silence for about ten minutes, eventually breaking into casual conversation when we went off to start our workout. Emmett was up first, so I stood off to the side to give him some much-needed space. He was a big guy who lifted big weights—very big weights. You definitely didn't want to get in the way of anything he was throwing around.

I was going insane waiting for an opportunity to ask him what the hell I should do about this deep hole I'd dug myself, but the right moment just wasn't presenting itself. So after two alternating sets passed without prompting a good lead-in, I got fed up and decided to just let the bomb drop.

"It came today, Em."

He stopped mid-curl and looked up at me in confusion.

I rolled my eyes while cursing his thick skull. There were way too many potential eavesdroppers around for my comfort, and there was no chance I was going to spell this out in front of a bunch of 'roid-monkeys at the gym. I lowered my voice conspiratorially. "You know—_what we talked about the other day?_" My eyebrows were half way up my forehead as I stared at him intently.

Emmett finally clued in and let out a barking laugh. "So what did Bella have to say?"

I cringed. "Nothing... I haven't told her yet. Truthfully?—I'm afraid of how she's going to react. She'll either love it or castrate me."

Emmett dropped his eighty-five pound dumbbell to the floor and proceeded to crack right up, falling back onto the bench he'd been sitting on with a loud thud. People looked at us curiously as he lay there clutching his sides in riotous laughter, a few of them even vacating the area as Emmett proceeded to appear more and more insane by the second. I just crossed by arms and glared daggers at him until he pulled himself together.

"Sorry man," he finally wheezed, sitting up but still chuckling to himself. "I was just imagining all one-hundred pounds of Bella going ape-shit on your ass."

I huffed in annoyance. "I'm serious, fuckhead! What the hell am I going to do? This is some pretty big shit I got us into. It seemed like a good idea when I first found the website, but now... What if it's too much for her?"

"Nah. From what you've told me, this is right up her alley. She'll probably think it's the best thing you've ever done. And I told you that if you want, Rose and I will—"

"No, no, no... I think that would just make it worse. She's going to be mortified as it is, I'm sure of it. Fuck, she's going to _kill_ me! What the hell did I get us into?"

Emmett stood up and clapped me on the back. "Stop being such a pussy—it'll be fine. You're getting your panties all in a knot over nothing."

I sighed and sat down on the bench, picking up my dumbbell and starting my final set of bicep curls.

"She's gonna love it," Emmett said from the chest-press machine a few feet away.

I nodded uncertainly. God help me, he'd better be right.

**... x ~ X ~ x ...**

I arrived home from to the gym to a quiet, empty house, and assumed Bella must still be at work. As I made my way to the bedroom to shower and change, I glanced at the clock on the microwave—eight-fifteen. I would have to get a move on if it wanted to be ready when she got here. I cleaned up quickly and threw on a pair of black lounge pants and a grey t-shirt, then retrieved the package from my drawer and headed out to wait in the living room.

I was pacing by the time I heard the Volvo pull up in front of the house. A car door slammed shut and I took a deep breath, my stomach erupting into a fit of nervous nausea as I listened to the key turn in the lock before Bella stepped inside.

"Edward?"

I cleared my throat. "I'm in here!"

She walked into living room seconds later with a bag of take-out in her hand. "Sorry I'm so late. My last interview was with some pretty aggressive parents who didn't want to hear the truth about their son's behaviour in class. It was pretty ugly; my principal had to get involved and everything! I brought dinner, though ... you hungry?"

"Yeah... Indian—my favourite. Sounds great; thanks, love."

She beamed at me and put the bag on the coffee table. "I'll just grab a couple of plates. Do you want to eat in here?"

"Sure," I replied distractedly, noticing that she'd set the bag down right next to the package but apparently hadn't thought anything of the plainly-wrapped box. Strange—I felt like it was practically jumping and shouting for her attention from where it sat. Wondering if I should hide it until after we ate, I snatched it up just as she was returning with plates and cutlery for our meal.

"What's that?" she asked, nodding toward my hands.

So much for waiting until later. I took a deep breath. "Um, I have … something … to tell you about."

She put the plates and utensils down and turned to look at me quizzically. "Okay, what's up?"

My stomach was roiling in full-on panic now. "Uh, remember a couple of Sundays ago when you came into the office and found me on the computer?" I asked.

Her eyes narrowed slightly. "Yes..."

"Well, you were right when you thought I was hiding something about it."

She crossed her arms over her chest and one corner of her mouth turned down. Uh oh. I cringed inwardly, wondering just how angry she could possibly get. There was no stopping now, though.

"Um, well, I came across something online that morning that I thought would be a good step for us into all this rough sex business we've been having so much trouble with."

Her posture relaxed a bit and she looked slightly intrigued. I took that as a good sign and continued on.

"It's, um... Well here, look for yourself," I said as I thrust the small box toward her.

Bella took it from me and tore the top open, sticking her hand inside and pulling something out—a brochure. Perfect. She read the cover and looked up at me in surprise.

"_LUST..._

_for_ _Life_.

"Edward, what the hell is this?"

I scratched the back of my head and swallowed nervously. "It's a sexuality class based on a book by a woman named Angela Weber. She covers everything from foreplay to bondage to positions from the Kama Sutra, all in a six month course."

Bella was studying the brochure as I explained, but at that her head snapped up and she looked at me in shock. "_Six months_?"

"Uh, yeah-h-h … one class per week."

She was still gaping at me with wide eyes and I wasn't even finished yet. Dear God...

"_Itstartstomrrowactually_," I mumbled.

"Huh?"

I cleared my throat again before repeating myself, slowly this time. "It starts tomorrow, actually."

Terrified of her reaction, I watched as she looked down at the brochure, back up to me, and then down to the brochure again. I was so sure this was going to end up just as badly as I'd feared that I had to resist the urge to cover my balls with my hand—just in case this got ugly.

My heart pounded and my palms tingled with sweat as I waited for her to say something. It seemed to take forever, but then Bella furrowed her brow as she looked down at the brochure one more time, and finally lifted her eyes to mine as her face broke out into a huge grin.

"Edward—oh my god, this is _perfect!_" she exclaimed, jumping into my arms and wrapping her legs around my waist. "I can't believe you did this! Thank you so much!" She was kissing every inch of my face as I gripped her ass to keep her from sliding down my legs.

My whole body sagged with relief; I pulled us back to collapse onto the couch before my knees gave out and we ended up on the floor.

"So," I asked hesitantly, "You're not mad at me for doing this behind your back and then keeping it from you for so long?"

Bella pulled her lips away from my neck to look me in the eyes. "Well, I do wish you would have told me sooner so I could have been a little bit more prepared for tomorrow, but otherwise … who cares? This is incredible, Edward! It's… It's exactly what we need, I think. I know I've said it before, but you're amazing," she gushed. Her whole face was alight with excitement and happiness, and my heart swelled in my chest to see her so filled with joy.

"I'm so glad you're happy about this," I said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "And I agree—I think this class with be really good for us. It seemed like it would be the best way to ease into the whole thing and hopefully find a way to let my guard down."

Bella beamed at me. "You make me so happy," she sighed.

"Good," I replied, poking her playfully on the nose. "Now, I don't know about you, but I've been a ball of nerves and stress all day and I am _starved._"

"Me too."

We filled our plates and sat back to eat our meal, discussing what we thought tomorrow's class would hold for us. Bella was practically vibrating with anticipation as she wondered aloud about everything new we would learn. As soon as we were finished our dinner, we set our plates aside and dug into the package that was once again sitting on the coffee table.

It contained a copy of Angela Weber's book, 'LUST... for Life', a companion workbook for the class, a receipt for twelve hundred dollars that made Bella gasp in surprise, and a sexual questionnaire that we were to have filled out before our first class.

We flipped through the books and then hunkered down to fill out the questionnaire, occasionally laughing or cringing at some of the intensely personal questions about our sexual history and what we were hoping to gain from the course.

Putting my deepest desires into writing was strangely cathartic for me, like I was at an AA meeting and standing up to admit I was an alcoholic. Somehow getting it out into the open made me feel like it wasn't such a bad thing for me to want to do these things with Bella; like maybe I wasn't the only one out there with a caged monster screaming to get out. I just needed to find a choke chain for the bastard and learn how to control him, rather than having him controlling me in the heat of the moment.

It helped a lot to read what Bella wrote down as her wants and desires, too. It hadn't occurred to me before, but not once since all of this started had we actually discussed the things we were comfortable doing to and with each other. It seemed we were too busy recovering from the aftermath of each encounter with 'the beast', AKA _me_, to talk about what we were both really looking for out of all of this.

The realization of how truly naïve we were to this whole situation just made me even surer that this class was what we needed. If we could learn new things to help us go forward into this world of rough and kinky sex—what we had now discovered was referred to as BDSM—then the possibilities for uncharted pleasure for the both of us were endless.

I felt my pants stir as I remembered the last time Bella and I got carried away. It had been nearly two weeks since that night, but the feel of her soft skin beneath my demanding hands and the sounds she made as I brought her to ecstasy with my forcefulness were still alive and clear in my memory.

I wanted her like that again; I wanted her in every way I could have her. And if this course was what would bring it all to me, then tomorrow evening couldn't come fast enough.

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**A/N: That's right folks—our two little kinkbirds are heading off to Perv School! :D **

**Please show me some love and leave me a review. *mwah!***


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Twilight's not mine.**

**Heh... Well hi there, everyone. Remember me? :s Yeah. Soooo ... I know it's been like, forever since I've updated or even really been around FF. Some of you know the story, but for the rest of you I'll just give a quick rundown, okay? This last year has been really hard for me. Really, REALLY hard. Those of you who've gotten to know me over my years in the fandom know that my father was sick for many years, deteriorating slowly and painfully before our eyes. He passed away May 28 of this year, and even though I knew very well that it was coming, it was still the single-most painful and difficult experience I have ever endured. Add to this losing my dearest and closest aunt very suddenly in March, and my heart was just ... flat. I still had so many things to love and be happy for, but losing two people I was very close to and loved very deeply was enough to throw me into an emotional tornado, and with this any desire I had for writing went right into the gutter. It's been five months now since my dad passed, and though I still miss him terribly and my heart aches every day at the loss of him and my aunt, I am happy to report that my writing mojo is peeking its head back out, and I'm finding enjoyment in this hobby again :) As far as TNSWB goes, I WILL finish it, even if it takes three years. Oh wait, has it already? Well shit... All joking aside, though, it's almost complete. I have up to chapter 22 written, leaving two more chapters and an epilogue in my head. I still want to do a little housekeeping on the completed chapters, but for the most part they're in good shape and shouldn't need much fixing-up before they're re-posted. I'm really hoping to get back into some kind of regular posting schedule soon, but please be patient with me while I get back into my groove, okay? I really do appreciate everyone's support and understanding! **

**Okay, enough rambling from me... Shall we just get to it then? **

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**MAJOR DISCLAIMER: While I'll own up to having some first-hand experience and knowledge, that in no way makes me any kind of expert on the subject of BDSM or the use of safewords. Anything you read here is just a bunch of bullshit I spewed forth as a fictional story meant for entertainment purposes only. I would strongly recommend that anyone who is interested in delving into the world of kink do their own thorough research on the subject and not take anything I have to say here as any kind of advice or encouragement. Okay? Okay. **

**Here we go...**

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_**~ Chapter 12 ~**_

_**(Bella)**_

I glanced at my watch for what was probably the fifteenth time in the last ten minutes. It was five-after-six; Edward would be here to pick me up any minute now. I packed up the essays I'd been grading and shut down my computer, turning off the classroom lights before making my way to the front entrance. Hopefully Edward was already there waiting.

We had switched up our routine this morning since our first _'__Lust ... for Life'_ class was tonight. I usually drove while Edward rode to work with his colleague, Eric; but because I had two final parent-teacher interviews after school today and wouldn't be done early enough to go home and pick him up before our class, Edward had taken the car and I took a cab to work instead.

I pushed through the heavy glass doors into the pleasant evening air, my smile falling when I saw that Edward wasn't here yet. Mildly disappointed, I took the opportunity to wolf down a quick snack as I waited for him to arrive, practically swallowing a granola bar whole before starting in on an apple. Thankfully I didn't have to be impatient for long, as I had just taken my first enormous, juicy bite when the Volvo pulled up. Edward smiled and leaned over for a kiss as I climbed in.

"Yummy," he mumbled, licking my excess fruit juice off his lips. "Did you have a good day?"

I smirked at his sexy display, but couldn't keep the sardonic tone out of my voice as I recalled my workday. "I suppose so, if by 'good' you mean I didn't go all Banshee on my class when they wouldn't stop talking during the movie I showed today. It was supposed to be a treat since everyone at least _passed_ the poetry exam, but they sure had a funny way of showing their appreciation. Sometimes I wonder why I ever picked this profession," I finished with a sigh.

Edward turned to me with a frown. "I'm sorry you're feeling that way, baby. You know, you are still young; it's not too late to change careers if you want."

"Thanks. I do want to be a teacher, though. I love the idea of spreading knowledge and shaping the young minds of our time; that's why I got into this field in the first place. I just wish they would be more interested, you know? I feel like I'm shoving information down their throats rather than sharing it with them. I hate to admit it, but it's actually pretty disappointing."

Edward reached over and grasped my hand. "I support you no matter what you decide is right for you. You know that, right?"

I smiled and tightened my hold within his. "I know, thank you. I don't want to think about this right now, though. We're on our way to our first class! I don't know about you, but I'm super excited!"

He chuckled. "Yeah, I'm excited. But I'll be honest and tell you that I'm a little bit nervous too. I know this class was my idea in the first place, but I'm kind of worried about what we might have gotten ourselves into. What if they're a bunch of freaky weirdoes who try to lure us into some twisted orgy sex cult or something?"

A fit of giggles burst out of me. "It's kind of late in the game to play the prude card now, honey. Besides, I don't think we have anything to worry about. I did some research on the author, Angela Weber, and it turns out that she's very highly regarded in her field. She has a PhD in Psychology with an under degree in Human Sexuality. She's been teaching this course for five years now and I couldn't find a single grievance about her or her classes. I really do think it's going to be good."

Edward smirked at me. "Okay, but if tomorrow morning we wake up to find ourselves in a windowless basement, hanging upside down in leather jumpsuits with our lips sewn shut, I'm going to do my damnedest to remind you of my apprehensions and say I told you so."

I laughed until my sides hurt. Where did he come up with this stuff? "Really, Edward? You know, if all that comes to pass, I don't think your biggest concern is going to be an 'I was right, you were wrong' victory dance."

He snickered. "Yeah, you're probably right. All joking aside though, I'm really glad we're doing this."

"Me too," I replied, grinning widely.

Ten minutes later we were walking down a quiet hallway in the local community college, looking for room one-twenty-two. We found it just around the second corner and seated ourselves at a table for two near the windows. I glanced at my watch: six-fifty-eight. The class would be starting any minute now.

Excited, I looked around at the other couples enrolled with us. For the most part they all seemed like regular, everyday people you would pass on the street and not give a second look to—definitely not anyone I would think was into bondage or whatnot at first glance. _Except for that couple over there … yikes._

A woman who was unmistakably Angela Weber walked into the classroom. She was tall and thin, with straight, shiny dark brown hair that hung to her waist, and she wore a pair of black, thick-framed glasses on her sharp, angular face. Her grey jacket and matching skirt didn't have a wrinkle in them, and neither did her crisp white dress shirt. She was wearing black fishnet stockings with the tallest pair of black stilettos I had ever seen; they made her already long legs look like they went on forever.

Following her into the classroom was a man at least a foot shorter than she was, with shaggy brown hair and wire frame glasses that he kept pushing back up his nose. I immediately recognized him from some articles I had come across online—he was Benjamin Cheney, Angela's 'partner', as he was always described.

Where Angela was statuesque and exuded a sexy confidence, Benjamin was small and meek and obviously shy.

They were the oddest of odd couples I had ever seen.

The room went quiet as the two made their way to the desk at the front, where Benjamin gently placed a stack of papers down and then quickly took the chair behind it. Angela sat herself up top and crossed her long legs, putting her hands on the desk on either side of her hips and leaning forward slightly. From my peripheral vision, I could see most of the class instinctively sit back in their chairs a little ... myself included. Her character was more than a little intimidating.

"Hello, ladies and gentlemen," she said. Her voice was strong and clear. "Welcome to 'Lust ... for Life', a six month course designed to introduce pleasure you never dreamed possible into your sexual relationships. My name is Angela Weber, and this is my partner Benjamin Cheney. While we are in this classroom, you will address me as Ms. Weber, and Benjamin as Benjamin. It's a simple rule, but one I expect to be adhered to. Will this be a problem for anyone?"

Nobody moved a muscle, so she continued on.

"Very good, then. Let me first start by saying that inhibition has no place in this classroom. If you are to truly reap the rewards of what I will teach you here, you must be open to learning about, and more importantly trying, new things. I understand that not everything I introduce here will be right for all of you, but if you are not willing to approach the topics and suggestions with an open mind and willingness to experiment, then you don't belong in this class. Any questions?"

If someone had dropped a pin in that instant, the whole class would have jumped in their seats from the crash that would have echoed around the room. It was that quiet.

I chanced a sideways glance at Edward, but he was just staring ahead with eyes as wide as dinner plates. Obviously, he found Ms. Weber just as terrifying as the rest of us did. I briefly wondered if this was the first and last class we would be attending—twelve hundred dollars be damned—but then Edward turned his head slightly to meet my gaze, and quickly shrugged his eyebrows as he shot me his signature smirk.

He was in … excellent.

Seemingly satisfied by our silence, Ms. Weber stood from the desk and immediately began our first lesson. "The most important foundation of any sexual relationship is trust. One must be confident in their partner's ability to meet one's sexual needs, while having an unwavering knowledge that they will not cause or allow any lasting harm to result from the acts they are together engaged in. Without trust, one cannot completely give their self over to the moment and subsequently open the door to endless pleasure. When one holds back out of fear or uncertainty, they will be unable to truly experience what our bodies are capable of achieving."

She began to slowly walk up and down the aisles as she spoke. No one dared look her in the eye as she passed, and I even noticed a few people lower their heads as if in supplication. The woman was a force unlike anything I had ever seen.

"Our first topic of the evening will be the importance of having an established and clearly understood safeword."

Edward turned his head and gave me a puzzled look. "Safeword?" he mouthed. I just shrugged; I had no idea what she was talking about either.

"The safeword is your safety net in any intense sexual scene. It is most commonly used in BDSM activities—that is bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism, which we will explore in depth later on—but even your everyday sexual relationship can benefit from the freedom that having a safeword in place can offer. As I said before, if one can truly let all guards down, with the knowledge that they are completely safe in their partner's hands, the possibilities for intense pleasure are near endless."

She had made her way through all the rows by that point, and was once again perched on the edge of the large desk at the front of the room. I was startled to notice Benjamin still sitting in the chair behind her. Ms. Weber commanded an attention that was absolute and unwavering, and being caught up in the force of her lecture, I had completely forgotten that he was here. I wondered if that was how life always was for him—living forever in her shadow.

"The most common and uncomplicated format for safewords is the 'green, yellow, red' system, where green means one is either okay to continue or looking for more intensity, yellow means one is still okay but nearing their limit, and red means all activities stop immediately. Some partners, however, prefer to choose a word that either means nothing to them sexually and therefore will be recognized immediately when used, or else a word with a deep meaning to all involved which will trigger an emotional response and therefore cause all activities to cease. The latter is the best choice for those who tend to get lost in the moment and subsequently carried away during sexual activity. But no matter how you chose your safeword, the intent and outcome are the same: the immediate and complete end of all activities being engaged in. Period. Any questions?"

The room was once again awash in silence, and I took the opportunity to replay everything she had just said in my head. A safeword might be exactly what we needed. If Edward knew that I had an unfailing way to stop him if he went too far, would he be able to let _his_ guard down and truly get into the moment? Would he be able to do these things as the real him, and not the 'other Edward' he alluded to when we discussed this a couple of weeks ago? My head was spinning with the newfound possibilities.

Ms. Weber's voice broke me out of my reveries. "Benjamin will now hand out a copy of everything I have just presented to you. I trust everyone has brought along a three-ring binder as was suggested when you received your confirmation package?"

I breathed a sigh of relief that we had indeed remembered to bring a binder. Something told me she would not be pleased if anyone hadn't, and that there might be some form of punishment for any offenders. It was a strange thought, seeing how we were all adults in a course that we had paid for, but there was an undeniable authority about Ms. Weber that said it would be very unwise to disappoint her.

Benjamin made his way up and down the rows, silently placing a single sheet of computer-printed paper on each tabletop, and then quickly returned to his chair behind the desk. He had kept his eyes on the floor the entire time and now was staring unwaveringly into his lap, and I realized for the first time since the two had entered the room that he never looked Ms. Weber in the eye. There was something about their relationship that I obviously didn't understand, and I found myself wondering if it would be revealed to us at any point during this course. I was certainly curious, but undeniably knew that asking would be a very bad thing to do.

Our lesson continued with more examples of safewords and situations in which they could (and should) be used, until Ms. Weber called a break half way through our time there. "We will now take a short intermission. You will find refreshments and snacks on a table at the back of the classroom. I encourage you to mingle and introduce yourselves to one another during this time. I shall return with Benjamin in ten minutes to resume our lesson."

Ms. Weber then left the room with Benjamin following two steps behind her, his head bowed and shoulders slumped. I watched them leave with my brow furrowed in confusion over their behaviour, but then Edward turned to me and spoke before I could ponder their relationship any further.

"So, a safeword, huh?" he said. "I can't believe we let ourselves get into all that without having one in place. I think that might be the most irresponsible thing I have ever done! It sickens me to think of what the repercussions might have been." He was frowning as he finished his rant.

"Don't be ridiculous, Edward," I scolded. "We didn't know any better, and besides, nothing severe came of the situation so there really isn't any need to beat yourself up about it now. I'm certainly not feeling guilty about it and neither should you."

He smiled sheepishly. "You're right, I'm being my old overprotective self again. Sorry."

I leaned over and kissed him quickly on the lips. "Never apologize for wanting to protect me. I love that you care about me so much! Just don't be such a pain in the ass about it, okay?"

He snickered. "I'll do what I can."

"So what do you think about this whole safeword thing anyways?" I asked. "Do you think we should have one?"

"Absolutely!" he said. "When she was talking about one with a deep meaning being a good idea for someone who tends to get caught up in the moment, she might as well have just called it 'Edward's Word', because she was describing me exactly."

"I don't know... I got the impression she was referring to stuff a lot more, uh, dangerous than we're involved in; but if you like the idea of that one, then let's do it. What do you want the word to be?"

Edward shook his head. "It's your word, you decide."

I frowned in mock annoyance. "Nice, put it all on me," I joked.

I wracked my brain for something that held a deep meaning to both of us, one that would hopefully trigger the kind of response Edward was looking for. Then in an instant, it came to me. "Meadow."

Edward's eyes lit up; he knew exactly what I was referring to.

One warm autumn day just after my eighteenth birthday, we had taken a picnic basket and hiked for hours through the forest until we came to the most beautiful clearing I had ever seen. It was covered in lush green grass and colourful wild flowers, and there was no one and nothing for miles around. It was like our own little slice of heaven in the middle of nowhere. We had spread our blanket out to enjoy our picnic, and then laid back to stare at the blue sky and puffy clouds through the break in the leafy trees overhead. We talked and held hands and kissed passionately, and then we gave ourselves and our bodies to each other, losing our virginities in our very own private oasis. It was the best memory I had, and I couldn't help the flush that crept into my cheeks.

"Perfect," Edward breathed. His eyes were hungry as he stared at me, and I was suddenly very aware that it had been eleven days since we had last made love. My body ached for him on every surface of my skin, and I felt the familiar tingle of desire settle between my legs. This class needed to wrap it up, and soon. Like, now. Or five minutes ago.

Ms. Weber came striding back into the class with Benjamin following faithfully behind her. Everyone quickly returned to their seats, and the room once again fell into a vacuum of silence as she resumed her lecture.

The rest of the class passed in a blur of Ms. Weber's strong and authoritative voice. I really did try to pay attention, but my focus was always drawn away from her to Edward's long, muscled forearm resting on the desk, or his slender fingers drumming silently as he listened. From my peripheral vision, I could just make out the contours of his strong chest under his black t-shirt, and if I followed his chest down to his jeans, I could see the generous bulge in his pants that I had been painfully missing these past too many days.

I crossed my legs and squeezed them tightly in an attempt to quell my insane lust for him in this instant. It didn't work. Edward caught me devouring him out of the corner of my eye, and because he was a wicked tease who loved to make me pant, he slowly reached over and began stroking my thigh under the table. I very nearly lost my mind with need and want for him as he came so close to touching me exactly where I craved, and was seriously contemplating bolting out of my seat and dragging him to the nearest janitor's closet when I gratefully heard the words I had been impatiently waiting for these past fifty minutes.

"All right, Ladies and Gentlemen, that wraps up today's lesson. If you have any questions, please form a line along the left side of the room and I will address you one by one, or couple by couple. Otherwise, I will see you all next week. You are dismissed."

Chairs scraped across linoleum as everyone got to their feet and gathered their belongings, but Edward and I were already half way out the door and speed-walking down the hallway. I couldn't even remember if we had pushed our chairs back under our table as we left. We very well might have tipped them over and sent them crashing to the floor in our haste to get home and devour each other.

Neither of us said a word during the forty-minute car ride home, and when Edward finally pulled up to the curb in front of our house, we both jumped out of the car and ran up the front walk without even looking at each other.

We were tearing each other's clothes off before the front door was even kicked shut, and I mentally praised Edward for having the presence of mind to even remember to shut and lock the door. I probably would have left it wide open as I ravaged him in our front foyer if it had been left to me. I was just too far gone with my need to have him to care about things like our neighbours and public decency.

My shirt and bra were already on the floor and I had just managed to get Edward's pants lowered to his ankles when he picked me up by my butt and began shuffling us into the bedroom. I wrapped my legs around his waist and attacked his lips with my own, immediately opening my mouth to allow his tongue entrance. His delicious taste washed over me and I pressed my lips even harder against his, trying to lap up every sweet drop of his flavour that I could.

We made it to the bedroom and Edward dumped us onto the bed, where he fell beside me and immediately began undoing my pants, pulling them down my legs with my panties. I hooked my fingers into his boxer briefs and pushed them down as far as I could reach, using my feet to get them and his pants the rest of the way off.

Edward was on top of me in an instant and immediately pressed himself between my legs. We both groaned, the feeling of finally reconnecting our bodies after nearly two weeks making me shake with need and emotion. I could hardly stand the frenzy overtaking my body, needing Edward to hurry up and put me out of my misery by frantically pumping us both to orgasm; but instead he pushed up onto his elbows and stared into my eyes as he moved slowly atop me. I looked at him questioningly. He looked thoughtful—and intense. My heart pounded in anticipation. The fire in his eyes was raging, so hot my skin began to prickle with sweat as he continued to stare at me, moving his hips with an agonizing slowness.

"Edward..." I whispered, almost whining. His quiet intensity was making me insane. I needed him to do something—say something. Anything.

He cleared his throat. "The safeword is 'meadow', right?"

My pulse leapt into overdrive. "Yes," I panted, trembling almost violently beneath him. I was trying to keep my excitement in check, not wanting to lure him into anything he wasn't ready for, but it was damn near impossible to quell the raging inferno that one simple question had stoked. I was beyond want; I _needed_ this. If he changed his mind now...

Edward nodded, pulling himself out of me without a word. My stomach lurched with panic. Was that nod a yes or a resigned no? I watched nervously as he rolled over to reach into the top drawer of his bedside table. I had no idea what he was going for; for all I knew it could be anything from a pair of handcuffs to a book of crossword puzzles.

My heart thundered and my breath came in ragged puffs. Why did he seem to be moving in slow motion? Then he pulled a red scarf from the drawer that I immediately recognized as one of the two I had bought for the box—yes, _the_ box.

Edward turned back over, the wicked smirk twisting his lips telling me everything I needed to know. It was game on, and no matter what he had in mind, I was about to win. "Close your eyes," he said, holding the scarf out toward me.

I complied readily, feeling first the bed shift as Edward moved closer and then the smooth fabric as it covered my eyes. Everything went dark—very dark. Without sight, my other senses seemed to kick into overdrive. Suddenly I could smell Edward's deodorant and my favourite fabric softener on our sheets; I could hear him breathing softly and the low hum of the radiator in the corner; but most surprisingly of all I could almost feel the air around me, like it was suddenly thicker—a heightened awareness of the space I occupied. If anything around me shifted even a fraction of an inch, I would know.

Or maybe not... I started when Edward grasped my shoulders, my breath catching in my throat.

"It's okay, love," he said softly, one hand sliding around my back while the other moved to the nape of my neck. A single, breathy laugh escaped me as he guided me to lie back on the bed, my mild embarrassment forgotten as soon as his warm lips met my flesh.

His mouth trailed a path along my jaw and down my throat, continuing its way with moist kisses down my chest. With no sight to tell me where he was headed next, every time he touched me I erupted with a fresh set of tingles. It was amazingly exciting to not know what was coming from him or where.

Without warning, my nipple was under Edward's tongue, hardening almost painfully with his teasing. "Oh, God," I moaned when his teeth took over, biting the sensitive nub just enough to hurt in the most delicious way. "More, please."

In an instant Edward's hot breath was on my ear. "You want more?" he asked, his voice soft, but still deep and husky.

"Yes, please," I whispered shakily.

"How much more?"

"So much. Or a little. I don't know ... just more."

Edward chuckled softly. "What's your safeword?"

"Meadow."

"Alright then..."

I didn't even have time to wonder what his 'more' might be; before I could even register the movement his hand was in my hair, gripping it at the roots as he yanked my head to the side. Tears sprang into my eyes at the shock of pain, but it didn't really _hurt—_or at least not in a bad way.

His mouth was still at my ear. "Better?"

All I could do was whimper.

"What was that?" he implored, tightening his hold on my tresses.

White light danced behind my eyelids as I squeezed them shut against the intense ... _not-pain_. The feeling was indescribable. I knew it hurt—my body knew it hurt—and yet it felt so good at the same time. It was the strangest conflict I had ever encountered. All I knew was that I was so turned on I might burst into flames.

"Yes! Oh shit, yes!"

"Ahh, there's my girl," Edward spoke. His free hand moved to my breast, which he squeezed roughly. "Is that enough yet?"

I groaned.

Edward pulled my hair so hard I thought he might rip it out. "Tsk. You know better. I asked you a question and I expect an answer."

How was I supposed to answer him when I could hardly even think above all he was doing to me? It was all I could do not to spontaneously combust and burn a hole right through our bed.

"Isabella..." he warned.

Oh _God_.

Edward never, _ever_ called me by my full name. I'd always expected it would sound reproachful and degrading coming from him; but much to my surprise, it didn't. It sounded sexy as all hell.

"No," I finally managed to choke out.

"No? What more do you need, love?"

This was it. I knew what he wanted from me—what turned him on like nothing else.

"I need you to fuck me."

He sucked in a breath. "What was that?"

Bingo. "I need you ... to _fuck_ me."

His hand fell from my breast and for a second I thought I had missed the mark completely, but then he made that dark, deep-throated animal _growl_ and yanked me off the bed.

The blindfold slipped off and my vision spun as I practically flew through the air by his side, until my face stopped inches from a hard wooden surface. It took a second for me to realize that I was bent over our dresser, my arms splayed to the side with Edward pressed forcefully against my behind.

And then he was inside me—eight or so long, glorious inches of man filling me to my very limits.

My legs quivered as he began to move, his fingers gripping my hips as he did exactly what I had asked of him: he fucked me out of my damn mind.

"Is this what you wanted, then?"

Holy hell. Was I talking out loud?

"Isabella," Edward panted, the warning punctuated by a sharp tug of my hair.

That was it—I came. I came so hard that stars danced in front of my eyes and my stomach dropped like I was on a carnival ride. "Fuck! Yes, yes, yes!"

Edward grunted approvingly behind me, his thrusts increasing to an almost violent pace against my now limp and spent body. Within seconds he was coming too, a flurry of curses falling from his mouth as he pushed into me a final few times.

My knees trembled and then gave out.

Edward caught my waist, his arms wrapping around me and gently pulling me to my feet. "God damn," he breathed against my neck as he led me to the bed.

"I'll say..."

We crawled under the covers and just lay there for several minutes, both of us a little stunned by the gravity of what we'd done. Eventually I sat up and turned to Edward, watching him carefully for any signs of distress, but thankfully there were none—his eyes danced and his lips curved up into a proud smile. I beamed back at him, incredibly relieved and so happy that he was able to conquer his fears and give us both what we so desperately wanted.

We didn't need words, our grins said it all. We just snuggled under the blankets and wrapped our arms around each other, falling into a deep and satisfied sleep.

* * *

**A/N: Oh yeah, people. Ms. Weber is back and ready for action! Can I get a "whoo hoo"? Not to mention Spankward and his triumphant baby steps! I don't know about y'all, but I'm feeling pretty damn proud of him right now! *sniff* **

**A thousand thank-yous and spankings to AngelGoddess1981 for being by my side through everything, and for beta'ing this hot mess of, er ... hotness. SHE IS MY LIFE. **

**Thanks for reading and reviewing! **


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Well hello there! It's me again, and I'm glad to be back after a rather crazy Christmas. Was everyone's holiday as stressfully hectic and unenjoyable as mine? Next year we're going into hiding, I swear. Lol! Anyhoo ... I've got the revised chapter 13 for you today. I also have a bit of an announcement. Those of you who just want me to finish this damn story already because you've been reading it for 4 years will be happy to know that I've decided to just post the remaining chapters as is, without any revisions. Honestly I don't know why I'm manic about making this story its best ever like it's some literary masterpiece of fanfiction, so I'm just going to stop that right now! Hah! So updates should be at least once a week, if not more from now on. Sorry to keep you all dragging until now. I'm over it, I promise. **

* * *

**~ Chapter 13 ~**

_**(Edward)**_

I was enjoying a lazy Saturday morning, sipping coffee and reading the newspaper with my feet up on the couch. It was still mid-fall in Seattle, and the sun was shining strong through the front windows, making the air in the house warm and comfortable. It was the first chance I'd had to relax in I didn't even know how long. I smiled as I sank further into my seat and turned the page in the business section.

Bella was off at an aerobics class with Rosalie—strip tease or pole dancing or some other erotic sounding thing. Honestly, I was doing my best _not_ to imagine exactly what she was doing there, because it made me pop a boner like a fourteen year old boy who had just found his first nudie magazine, and I liked to think that I was above whacking off in the shower to lewd images of my wife. _Especially when she's so willing to take care of things for me,_ I thought with a grin.

When my cup was drained and I had perused all my favourite sections of the newspaper, I stood up and stretched, then headed into the office to power up my laptop. I wanted to do a little bit of research on some of the topics that Ms. Weber had mentioned at our first 'Lust for Life' class.

Once my desktop was up and ready, I clicked on my favourite search engine and typed in 'BDSM'. Immediately about thirty-one million hits popped up. I scrolled through the first page and clicked on a Wikipedia article about the subject.

I read through the entire thing, which was definitely informative, but what really caught my eye were the words 'Domination and Submission'. It hadn't actually occurred to me before Thursday's class that that's what Bella and I had been engaging in. I had more viewed our escapades as just rough sex, what with the grabbing and biting and spanking—but was I dominating her? The idea made me kind of uneasy. It just sounded so ... Neanderthal-ish—like I was dragging her off by the hair so I could club her on the head and have my wicked way with her.

I reminded myself, though, that I really _wasn't_ knocking her out to get my dick into her in whatever depraved way my mind wanted—she had asked for it. Practically begged for it. Manipulated me and pushed me out of my comfort zone in her need for me to do these things to her. To dominate her. She _wanted_ to be my submissive.

I sat back to ponder what my revelations said about us, but in the end I couldn't really put my finger on any one reason why we each enjoyed our respective positions in this twisted game. I honestly didn't know why I got such a thrill out of tying her up, manhandling her, pinching, biting and spanking her. It just felt ... _exciting_. Especially when I knew how much pleasure she was getting out of it in return.

So if she enjoyed it, and I enjoyed it, did it really matter why we were doing it? The analytical side of me was saying yes, yes it did matter; but for the first time in ... probably ever, I decided to ignore him. Over-thinking this subject had only caused problems for me thus far, and I wanted to move forward, not backward. So I let it go. It wasn't easy, but I did it.

I briefly wondered if that meant I was experiencing some kind of emotional growth or something, but decided that I wasn't really in the mood for a personal psych evaluation this morning, so I let that one drop too.

I went back to my search engine and tried narrowing down my field with 'BDSM Seattle'. This time I only came up with just under two million hits. I scrolled through the first couple of pages, eventually coming across something called 'The Domination Den'. I clicked on the link and was met with page after page of pictures that all but scared the living shit out of me. There were people wearing shiny leather outfits and thick chains around their necks; people hanging in contraptions—and worse, from their own skin—suspended from the ceiling; people in masks and with gags in their mouths...

Is this where Bella and I were heading? The thought made me more than a little uneasy.

Out of pure morbid curiosity, I continued to flip through the pictures until I came upon one of a whole group of people standing together. They were a real mixed-bag of couples—some in business suits and straight cut dresses, some in simple jeans and t-shirts, and some in shiny black outfits covered in silver studs and other hardware. I wondered what on earth they all had in common to be posing for this picture together, and found myself leaning closer to my screen to try to get a better look at their faces.

I gasped when I came to a couple in the dead center of the group. The woman was tall and slender, her body hugged tightly by a leather jumpsuit with a shiny silver zipper running all the way from her foot to her neck. Her hair was twisted up into a harsh bun at the back of her head, and her black, thick-framed glasses made her angular face look fierce and sharp. She was holding a leash in one hand, and it was attached to a leather collar around the neck of a man kneeling at her feet. He had no shirt or shoes on, just a pair of faded blue jeans and wire framed glasses that were falling down his nose. My eyeballs nearly fell out of my head as I recognized them—it was Angela Weber and Benjamin.

Holy shit.

I had realized not too long into our first class that the two of them were a Dominant/submissive couple; it was pretty obvious by the way they interacted with each other. Never did I imagine that their lifestyle was _that_ extreme, though.

I had no idea what to think. Was this really who Bella and I wanted leading us in our sexual discoveries? We would definitely need to talk about what this meant for our future in the course. I certainly didn't want to quit, but I also didn't want us wandering into territory that was clearly way further than either of us were looking for. At least, I thought it was. Yeah, we definitely needed to talk about this.

As if on cue, the front door opened and Bella called out.

"Edward?"

I shut down my laptop and went out into the hallway to meet her.

"Hey," she started. "How was your morn—"

I cut her off with my lips. She looked so damn radiant in her yoga pants and tank top, hair pulled into a pony tail, and her cheeks flushed with exertion. I couldn't help myself; I had to kiss her. Our tongues met briefly before she pulled away, panting slightly from my sudden advance.

"Edward, I'm all sticky and sweaty. I need a shower."

"Me too," I said playfully, punctuating it with an eyebrow waggle.

Bella giggled as I took her hand, leading her into our en-suite bathroom. "Ooh, I like the sound of that. Just let me get out of these stinky clothes."

"And _I_ like the sound of _that_."

She snort-laughed and rolled her eyes. "You're such a dork."

"Yeah, but you love me."

"Indeed I do."

Her clothes were in a puddle on the floor now. I added mine and turned on the shower, holding my fingers under the spray until the water was warm enough to get in. Taking Bella's hand, I guided her into the steamy mist, following her in and closing the glass door behind us.

My eyes wandered over her skin, now covered in water droplets and turning a delicate pink in the heat of the shower. I couldn't wait another second to get my hands on her, to feel every inch of her body beneath my touch.

She moaned softly when my lips tickled the soft flesh behind her ear, my fingers trailing through the rivulets of water dripping down her back, ending with a firm grip on her ass. With a few small steps I had her backed against the wall, my chest pressed lightly against her breasts. Making sure my feet were planted firmly, I used my grip on her bottom to lift her, sliding her up the slick tiles until we were face to face. She wrapped her legs around my waist and pulled me closer.

Our kiss was passionate but slow, tongues moving at a comfortable pace, lips pressed together softly but surely. This was perfection—her mouth against mine, her arms holding me tight, her body wet and wanting. I could stay in this moment for hours.

Bella had other ideas though. Her hand left my neck, sliding down between us until she found my dick. I groaned as her fingers wrapped around the shaft, squeezing slightly as her thumb brushed the tip. Our kiss broken, she spoke against my lips. "I need you inside me. I can't wait any longer."

Oh fuck. Me neither.

I let my arms relax a little, lowering her body down until she was positioned just right. Bella moved her hips forward slightly, and then I was inside her, thrusting slowly as our mouths found each other's once again.

She moaned against my lips, whimpering as her attempts to get me to move faster, harder, went unheeded. I wanted to savour her; to enjoy the soft feel of her body against mine for as long as I could. She was just so delicious, in every way.

"Edward," she finally rasped, pulling her head back to stare at me with fiery, glazed-over eyes. "Don't fuck around. Just _fuck me_ already!"

I chuckled, ignoring the burn her foul language sent sizzling through my veins. I wanted to tease her a little. "That's kind of a contradictory request, love."

The corners of her mouth twisted up. "So how do I make it more clear for you?"

"Say it again," I answered, teetering close to the edge myself. I wasn't going to be able to hold back much longer.

"Say what? That I want you to fuck me?"

I groaned. "Yes. Say it again."

"I want you to fuck me."

"Say it like you mean it," I growled. We were both panting, equal parts exertion and restraint making me nearly come unhinged; I could only imagine what it was doing to Bella.

I don't quite know what I was expecting her to do—maybe pull my hair and scream it in my face, or throw her head back and moan the words lustily. But instead she leaned forward, her lips tickling my ear as she whispered the words in their simplest form. "I need you ... to _fuck me_."

It was more than I asked for ... and all that I needed. I tightened my grip on her ass and let my hips increase their pace, pressing her harder against the wall with my quickened strokes. Bella grasped my shoulders, holding on with her fingernails in my flesh. My movements, desperate to bring us both to release, bounced her frantically against me.

"Fuck. Edward," she hissed, her eyes clenched shut. Every time she said that word in the heat of passion was like an electric shock to my senses. I heard, felt, smelled and saw red-hot lust.

"You don't know what you do to me, woman," I said through gritted teeth. "God damn it, I'm going to come!"

"Not yet!" she cried. "Just a ... few more ... more..."

I felt more than heard it when her release took hold, and I immediately fell off the edge of orgasm with her. I watched, transfixed as her face scrunched up into beautiful ecstasy, my own grunts of pleasure the only sound echoing through the shower stall.

She opened her eyes, smiling as her legs went limp around my sides. "Wow. I didn't realize how badly I needed that."

I chuckled, lowering her carefully to her feet before trapping her against the wall once more, my hands planted firmly aside her head. "Well now you know what it's like to be me. I can never get enough of you."

"And thank God for that," she teased, leaning forward for a quick kiss before she snuck under my arm and grabbed her bottle of shampoo.

We stayed in the shower for what seemed like hours, washing each other and letting our bodies slide together as we kissed and held each other, until the water finally turned cold and forced us to get out. We dressed quickly and then decided to make something to eat.

"I'm starving," Bella moaned as we made our way into the kitchen. "What do you feel like for lunch?"

"You," I answered huskily.

She giggled and slapped my arm playfully. "You just had me, Edward Cullen. Give a girl a chance to recover before you ravage her again, okay?"

"I'll give you one hour," I bantered. "Then you're all mine to do with what I will. Eat up; you're going to need the energy."

Bella's eyes widened as her head snapped around to meet my stare. "Is that so?" she questioned sexily.

"You heard me," I said, winking at her, and then I nodded toward the clock on the stove. "Fifty-nine minutes."

A smile lit up her face as she practically ran to the refrigerator and began pulling out the ingredients for a spinach, egg and bacon salad. We made lunch together and then sat down at the table to enjoy our meal.

"You won't believe what I found online earlier," I told her once I had swallowed my first bite.

Bella raised her eyebrows at me, so I continued. "Ms. Weber and Benjamin ... those two are ... well you

should probably just see it for yourself. I couldn't even begin to explain the picture I found of them."

"Yeah, what's with those two?" Bella said with a furrowed brow. "The way they carry themselves around each other—it's bizarre."

I blinked at her a couple of times before replying. "You really don't know what they are to each other?" I asked incredulously. I thought it had been so obvious; I couldn't believe she hadn't seen it immediately too.

"No," she answered, looking confused. "Do you?"

I laughed; I couldn't help it. She was the one who had initiated our own Dom/sub relationship after all, so the fact that she didn't even recognize it when she saw it was all too ironic.

"What?" she demanded. "What's so funny? What am I missing?"

"She's a Dominatrix, and Benjamin is her submissive."

"They're ... what?" Bella said, gaping at me. "How do you know?"

"It just made sense," I told her with a shrug. "The way Benjamin always walked behind her, how he never looked her in the eye, they way he took orders from her and sat meekly in the chair while she commanded the class—I figured it out pretty quick."

Bella shook her head and stared at me with unbelieving eyes. "How on earth do you know these things, Edward Cullen? I knew there was something different about them, but I never would have guessed it was that! Holy crap!"

I snorted. "Come on, Bella. I may not be some sado-masochistic vampire wanna-be, but I am still a man. What man doesn't know about this stuff?"

That got her; she broke out of her stupor and laughed with her head thrown back. "Indeed you are," she said with a wink. "You never let me forget it, either."

"Speaking of which..." I glanced up to the clock on the wall. "You have twenty-five minutes. Hurry up and eat," I finished with a grin.

She wrinkled her nose and stuck her tongue out at me, but then smiled as she placed another bite of salad into her mouth. I waggled my eyebrows at her and dug into the rest of my meal as well.

"Oh, I just remembered," she said once we had both finished eating. "Rose and Emmett are having a Halloween party at their house this year. Do you want to go?"

I cringed. "Do I have to dress up?"

"Of course," she said exasperatedly. "It's a Halloween party, Edward!"

I sighed. Costumes were definitely not my thing. "Do you want to go?"

She nodded excitedly and bit her bottom lip. It was no use fighting it; I was already beaten.

"Okay, we'll go. What are we going to be?"

Bella looked thoughtful. "I don't know yet. I'll think of something, though. I'll get Alice to help me."

Oh, great. If Alice was involved I wouldn't be surprised to end up forced into a fairy costume complete with sparkly wings and a wand. "Don't let her get carried away, please," I begged. "Let me keep my dignity with whatever she comes up with, okay?"

Bella laughed and stood up from the table to clear our dishes. "Don't worry. I have to be seen with you that night, so I won't let it be anything bad, I promise."

That really did nothing to quell my fears. Alice was my sister after all; I just knew her too well. I didn't want to dampen Bella's excitement, though. I swallowed my reservations and got up to help her clean up our mess.

We finished with two minutes to spare in my one hour deadline, so I took the opportunity to wrap my arms around her and kiss her softly on the lips as we stood in the middle of the kitchen.

"I love you," I whispered to her as I tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She smiled at me and stood up on her toes to kiss my lips once more.

"I love you too," she breathed.

As soon as she lowered herself back down onto her feet, I spun her around and lightly pushed her toward our bedroom, spanking her behind as she began to walk. "Time's up," I told her huskily. "You're all mine now."

Bella giggled and took off down the hallway, with me right on her heels.

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**A/N: Love to AngelGoddess1981 for pre-reading and betaing, and of course to all of you for reading. Later, babbies :)**


	14. Chapter 14

******A/N: Look! I did something just like I said I would! *cue the crowd gasp* I know, right? But, as promised, here is the next un-re-re-edited chapter in a timely manner! Yay me! Honestly, I didn't even look at it, because I knew that if I did, I would want to tweak this, that, and everything else until I had basically re-written the whole thing and it wouldn't get posted for another 2 months. And when I told you there would be no more of that bullshittery, I meant it! :D So ... here it is, and I hope it continues on kind of smoothly with the rest of my manically re-re-edited chapters so far. Lemme know if there's anything tragically awful? Much appreciated :)**** Oh, and PS, I'm sure that not re-re-editing means there will be FILTHY SMUT GALORE. Just a warning ;)**

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_**~ Chapter 14 ~**_

_**(Bella)**_

I sighed in contentment and leaned my head on Edward's bare shoulder. We had spent the last three hours slowly enjoying every inch of each other's bodies, and now we were indulging in some much needed rest and relaxation. One could only handle so much pleasure in one day, after all.

Edward had brought his laptop from the office and we were sitting up in bed, leaning against the headboard with the covers pulled up to our chests. He was flipping through a bunch of terrifying pictures on some domination website as I cringed in shock.

"Here it is!" he said suddenly. "Those two … right in the middle of the group."

I leaned forward to get a better look and gasped as my eyes focused on a _very_ different Ms. Weber and Benjamin than we had seen in our class.

"Oh my God!" I exclaimed. "You're right, that's them! I can't believe it!"

"I know," Edward chuckled. "Shocked the hell out of me, too. I mean, I guessed what they were just based on their mannerisms, but I never would have thought that their lifestyle was so extreme!"

I sat back and frowned. "I still can't believe I didn't catch onto that about them. Am I really that naïve? How do you know about this stuff and I don't?"

Edward shrugged. "I don't know... I'm a man. I've seen my share of porn and dirty magazines, and the whole 'Dominatrix fantasy' thing gets featured a lot, I guess.

I turned my head to him and raised my eyebrows in mock surprise. "Is that so?" I teased. "When exactly did you become a pornography connoisseur, hmm?"

It was difficult to contain my giggles as I watched Edward's cheeks flush before he stammered a reply. "I don't … anymore. In college, you know. Emmett and the guys… I couldn't help but see. Not that I wanted to… But it was there…"

He was babbling in his attempt to reassure me that he wasn't some sick pervert, and as cute as he was while he squirmed, I wanted to let him know how I really felt about the idea.

"Edward, it doesn't bother me if you looked at porn, then or now. Actually, I kind of like the idea. Maybe we could look at some together sometime," I said.

He was gaping at me as if I had just announced the secret to life on earth. "Are you _serious_?"

"Sure, why not? We're adults; we have a healthy relationship and sex life. I don't see how it could do any harm. Do you like the idea?" I suddenly realized that maybe watching porn with his wife might not be Edward's bag of cookies.

"Well, yeah," he said, his eyes still wide with shock. "I'm just having a hard time grasping the idea that _you_ want to watch _porn_ with _me_. It's just something I never would have considered for us."

I chuckled. "I don't want to watch a bunch of seedy back-alley productions where the woman pretends to love having some random guy ejaculate all over her face, but I'm sure we could find some high-quality erotica, or maybe even some x-rated stories that we could read together. Actually, I like that last idea a lot," I finished with a grin.

Edward was shaking his head with a dazed smile on his face. "You never cease to amaze me, woman. Just when I think I have you all figured out, you go and spring something like that on me. God, I'm a lucky bastard."

I pushed his shoulder playfully. "You really _are_ a man sometimes. One little mention of porn and you turn to putty in my hand."

"I've got something for your hand and it definitely isn't putty," he said huskily, his mouth suddenly moving to my neck.

My eyes closed involuntarily as he kissed up my throat and along my jaw to the sensitive spot behind my ear. "Edward," I tried to say, but it came out as more of a moan. "You're insatiable! How many times can we possibly make love in one day?"

I was panting as I finished that sentence. Edward had put his laptop aside and was now running his fingers around the sides of my breasts as he whispered in my ear, "I don't know, but let's find out."

If there was a reason I was going to refuse him before, I immediately forgot it as he pinched my nipples and desire once again pulsed to life between my legs. "Yes, let's," I sighed lustily as Edward scooted down the bed and pulled me along with him.

I giggled as my head whipped down the headboard and landed with a bounce on my pillow. Edward was there beside me, his hand tracing down my stomach as his mouth covered one of my breasts. I groaned in pleasure as his tongue swirled circles around my nipple and his fingers dipped in between my folds. I was already slick with want for him and he slid easily back and forth across my lips, lightly flicking my clit every time he reached the top.

Wanting to give him the same pleasure he was giving me, I reached into my bedside drawer and fumbled around for the lubricant I kept for just such occasions, smiling slightly as my fingers wrapped around the small bottle. _Bingo._

I flipped the cap open with my thumb, squeezed a small amount into my palm, and brought my hand down to stroke Edward's stiff length as he continued to work between my legs. He hummed in satisfaction as my slippery fingers began to glide up and down his erection, and then removed his lips from my breast so he could crash his mouth against mine.

Our tongues danced as our hands worked furiously to bring each other's release—stroking, squeezing, swirling, and plunging. We were panting into each other's mouths as we writhed against each other, our breaths hitching simultaneously as Edward spilled over my hand and my walls clenched around his fingers. We both groaned as the pleasure of our orgasms washed through us, then we collapsed onto our backs to let our heartbeats slow and our breathing even out.

"You're … going to … kill me," I panted, coming down from the high of my seventh orgasm of the day. Until now, I didn't even know such feats were possible. All I could think was: _wow _… and I briefly wondered how much more my body could handle before I became a science fiction legend and actually spontaneously combusted.

Edward chuckled beside me. "Wouldn't it be a good way to go, though?" he joked, and I giggled along with him. There was no way I could argue with that statement.

I pulled the covers back up under my arms as I turned onto my side to face him. "Now that's out of the way," I teased. "There was something I wanted to ask you."

Edward turned to face me as well and brought his hand up to softly stroke my cheek. "What's that, love?" he asked with a small smile.

"Just about that picture we saw of Ms. Weber and Benjamin, and what it means for our future in the class," I said hesitantly.

That picture had brought screaming forth everything that Edward and I were getting ourselves into with Lust for Life, and I knew for a certainty that I wasn't interested in anything even close to the lifestyle they were leading. I didn't want to drop out of the class, because I could already see how much it was helping Edward break through his barriers, but I also didn't want us getting in too deep with something that I was sure neither of us wanted for our relationship.

I was surprised when Edward chuckled lightly again. "I was going to ask you the same thing," he said with a grin. "I'll be honest; ninety-eight percent of what I saw on that website scared the pants off of me."

"Me too," I piped up.

"Good," he said, and he actually looked relieved. "Because I didn't know what the hell I was going to do if you told me that's what you were looking for."

"God, no," I said immediately. "Truthfully, I didn't even really know that kind of stuff was out there until now. I mean, of course I knew about _some_ of it, but not to the extremes I saw in those pictures. I'm not looking for anything like that, not at all. I just like it when you take control, when you're rough and animalistic and grabbing me and biting me. I also loved being restrained and blindfolded. It was like my senses went wild when I was completely at your mercy."

"Well that's a relief," Edward said with a sigh. "I like all that stuff, too. It feels amazing to have you trust me and let me have my way with your body. You make me crazy with how much I want you sometimes. It's like I just need to devour you and consume everything that you are. Ugh, that makes me sound like a total caveman, doesn't it? I'm sorry."

"Don't you dare apologize for that. Heaven forbid that my husband should _want_ me!" I teased with a grin. "Besides, I know a thing or two about how it feels to crave someone so badly it hurts. You do that to me all the time."

Edward leaned his head forward to kiss me lightly on the lips. "All the time?" he asked with a smug smirk.

"You have no idea," I replied with a giggle.

"So, what's our limit then?" he asked as he laid his head back on his own pillow. "Just so we both know how far we're willing to go with everything we learn."

"All I was ever really looking for was what I put into that box," I said honestly. "No leather jumpsuits or ball-gags or chains hanging from the ceiling. I just like it when you hurt me a little."

I noticed his eyes twitch a little at the word 'hurt' so I tried to be clearer. "Not like, _hurt me,_ hurt me, but when you spank me, for example. The sting of the slap on my bare flesh just feels … really good. It's erotic somehow. I don't know. Something about the slight pain is actually pleasurable for me when it's done in a sexual setting. The orgasms I have when you're dominating me are unreal. Does that make me a freak?"

Edward shrugged. "No more than I'm a freak for liking to dominate you sexually. I thought about it for a bit, but I really don't know _why_ I like it. It just feels right, I guess. The pleasure for me is incredible too. I actually decided that it didn't really matter why though, so long as it was what we both wanted."

I could hardly believe my ears. _Edward_ had decided that the why didn't matter? Never in my life had I known him to let something go without analyzing it to death. I was impressed. Very impressed.

"That's great, honey," I said. "I agree wholeheartedly that it doesn't really matter why. I like it, you like it, so who cares what it means or what it says about us? So long as it's right for us, then I think we should just go with it."

"Yeah," Edward said absently, before turning to look at me with a crooked grin on his face. "So you liked it when I spanked you, huh?"

**x - X - x**

I crossed my arms over my chest as I waited for Alice to answer the door, trying to keep the cold wind from blowing up my jacket. Fall had finally descended on Seattle and the air was crisp and stung slightly on my exposed skin.

The door swung open and Jasper's smiling face met me as he ushered me inside.

"Hey Jazz," I said, smiling at him in return. "I didn't know you were going to be home."

"I'm actually just on my way out," he replied. "Brandon and I are meeting Em and the kids at the park for a 'play date'."

I laughed. "That's cute, Jasper." He grinned and rolled his eyes. "Hug the twins for me, okay? Hey, where is Brandon anyways?" I asked, noticing the lack of enormous dog in the hallway.

"He's already out in the truck, which means I'd better get going before he eats my rear-view mirror again."

I laughed again and Jasper kissed me on the cheek as he passed by. "See you later, Bella," he said on his way out the door.

"Later," I replied, then slid out of my coat and hung it in the closet before I went in search of Alice.

"Ali?" I called out when I didn't find her anywhere on the main floor.

"I'm down here!" I heard from the basement, which meant she was already in her sewing room, probably working on her and Jasper's costumes for this coming Friday. If I knew Alice, whatever she had designed for them was going to be epic. I only hoped she had some good ideas left for Edward and me, because I was at a loss.

I padded down the stairs and poked my head into the first door on the right. "Hey you," I said when I saw her spiky black hair peeking out from behind her Serger. I could hear it whirring away as she fed some bright red fabric through the machine, turning it this way and that with the precision of a master seamstress.

Alice didn't look up as she replied, her voice slightly muffled from the pins between her lips. "Hey, I'm just about done here. Have a seat," she said, nodding her chin toward a chair to my left.

"I don't know why you didn't become a world famous fashion designer," I said as I sat down. Her latest creations were hanging on pegs all around the room. The woman had a talent with fabric like nothing I had ever seen.

Alice just shrugged as she snipped the threads on her completed work and stood to hang it on a peg of its own. "It's really more of a hobby for me," she said. "Besides, I love being a Financial Consultant. I get to help people make better choices with their money and live more rewarding, stress-free lives."

"You do have an uncanny ability to predict stock market trends," I conceded. "Edward and I owe more than half of our 401K's to your abilities."

Alice giggled. "If only I were psychic," she joked. "Just imagine how rich we could all be!"

I laughed along with her. "Yeah, and if you were psychic, I wouldn't even have to tell you that I want you to design some costumes for us for the party next weekend. Do you have time to help me with that?"

"Actually," Alice began with a smirk. "I must have some sense of precognition because I already did up some drawings for you." She pulled out a thick-coiled notebook and waved it at me.

"Wow, Ali," I said, reaching for the book she held out to me. "Maybe you really are psychic after all," I teased.

She giggled again. "That, and Edward called me a few days ago, begging me not to go overboard. He was convinced I was going to try to turn him into a fairy-princess or something," she said, rolling her eyes and smiling.

I chuckled. "Yeah, that sounds like something Edward would…" I stopped short as I flipped to the last page in the book and saw our names written under the drawings. My eyes went wide and I looked up to Alice with my mouth hanging open.

"Seriously, Ali?" I said in shock.

Alice furrowed her brow and frowned. "You don't like them?" she asked, looking disappointed.

I quickly shook my head, still staring at the drawings of the incredible costumes she had dreamed up for us. "No, I love them! They're perfect! I just don't know if I can pull that off, though," I said, pointing at the sketch of me with a grimace.

Alice snorted and waved her hand dismissively. "Of course you can! You'll be a knockout. Now stop being ridiculous and come here so I can double check your measurements."

I stood there like a scarecrow as Alice wrapped a measuring tape around me from every conceivable angle and made notes on a small scrap of paper. When she was done, she immediately pulled out a bolt of fabric and rolled it out over the table, then set to work sketching out a pattern with her tailor's chalk.

We chatted aimlessly as she worked; drawing and measuring, then finally cutting out scraps of material with a huge pair of scissors and arranging them off to the side. She pinned everything together and then once again bent over her sewing machine, bringing my incredible costume to life.

"I'll just get the body of yours put together so we can see if it needs any adjustments before you go, and then I can finish them up and have them to you by Thursday. Is that okay?"

"Of course, Ali!" I replied. "You're amazing to be doing this for us. Thank you so much!"

She beamed at me. "You're more than welcome, and you know it. Oh my goodness, I can't wait to see you two side by side on Friday!" she trilled excitedly, bouncing in her chair and clapping her tiny hands.

I was still feeling a little bit nervous about how I would look dressed up like that, but at the same time I was undeniably excited to be doing something so new for Edward and me. The last couple of months had been one big adventure after another for us, and I'd never felt so full of life. For the first time in all our years together, Edward and I were actually _living_, rather than just existing. I hadn't known all this time just how much we were missing while we lived our safe and comfortable lives, happy together but always in the background. Everything that we had experienced lately has been incredible, though, and to top it off we had never been so close, emotionally or physically. I couldn't imagine in that moment how my life could get any better.

"Okay, come slip this on," Alice said, snapping me out of my musings. I looked over to where she was holding up the beginning of my outfit and couldn't help but smile. We had never been to a Halloween party before, but it was going to be a night to remember; I was sure of it.

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**A/N: Who's excited for the Halloween party ... again? Haha. Thanks for checking in, folks, and I'll see you again next week! :)**


	15. Chapter 15

******A/N: Much love to the 3 people still reading this story. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I recall that it was really fun to write way back when :)**

**From last time around: Thanks to DV8TED for suggesting the costumes I used for Emmett and Rosalie, and kudos to gee1995 for being the only reviewer to guess right about Edward and Bella's costumes! **

**Let's get to it then…**

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_**~ Chapter 15 ~**_

_**(Edward)**_

I straightened the stethoscope hanging around my neck and nodded contentedly at myself in the full-length mirror. I had been pleasantly surprised to see the costume Bella had laid out for me to wear tonight, and would have to remember to get something nice for Alice to show my appreciation for her thoughtfulness. I was a real life doctor after all, even if I was in research rather than practice, so it wasn't a stretch for me to put on a dress shirt and tie, then shrug into the white lab coat and sling a stethoscope around my neck. In fact, it was so close to what I wore on a daily basis that I was feeling comfortable and confident about the night ahead.

Hearing the bathroom door open, I turned to see what Alice had dreamed up for Bella to wear and nearly had a coronary when my eyes landed on a wet dream come to life. She stood before me in the hottest nurse's uniform I had ever seen. It was sexy, but not slutty. Alice had really outdone herself.

Bella's long hair was cascading down her back in shiny waves, and she wore one of those old-fashioned nurse's caps. Her fitted white dress was sleeveless, collared, and stopped just above her knees. She had white stockings on her legs and a pair of shiny, white stiletto heels on her feet. To finish off the effect, there was a small red medical cross on her hat and on the breast of her dress.

My mind was reeling as I took in her appearance, and for some ridiculous reason my very first thought was how soon I would be hearing from those people at Guinness, because I was sure to have just taken the record for 'World's Fastest Boner'. I swallowed thickly as I stared at her, trying desperately to get a hold of myself and not tear her costume to shreds in a fit of untamed lust.

Bella bit her lip and raised her eyebrows at me, obviously anticipating my reaction to her outfit. But of course, seeing how every single drop of blood in my body had rushed painfully into my now throbbing groin and left none behind to regulate my brain, I said the stupidest thing imaginable.

"You're not actually going out like that, are you?" I demanded incredulously.

Her face fell into a pout as she looked down at her ensemble and then back up to me. "Why? What's wrong with it? I thought Alice did a great job," she protested with a frown.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to find the right words to dig myself out of the huge hole into which I had just stumbled. "Nothing's _wrong_ with it," I said, trying to reassure her that she did in fact look amazing. Beyond amazing. So amazing that I would be surprised if we even made it out of the bedroom, because I was fairly certain that my erection was about to tear through the front of my pants and attack her at any second. "Except that you're a walking fantasy for ninety-five percent of the male population, and probably a startling number of females as well. I'm going to have to kill every single person at that party because the second we walk in the door they're all going to be molesting you in their minds!"

Bella quirked an eyebrow and then broke out into a huge grin. "Really?" she said excitedly, looking down at her outfit and then back up to me.

Her eyes were positively shining with excitement and happiness, making my heart leap in my chest. I would do anything to see that look on her face, even if it meant letting all the men in the world ogle her in all her dressed-up glory. Not that I could blame them, she really was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. She took my breath away.

"Yes," I said hoarsely, striding over to wrap my arms around her. I cleared my throat before attempting to speak again. "You look incredible. God, I'm a lucky bastard to have you."

I leaned down and nuzzled my face into her neck, inhaling deeply as I pressed my lips against her warm skin. "So lucky," I whispered as my nose trailed along her jaw and up her cheek, where I lightly kissed the corner of her mouth.

Bella sighed as she brought her arms up to wrap around my neck, turning her head slightly to meet my lips with hers. My cock throbbed painfully as our tongues tangled and her delicious flavour washed over me. I knew we didn't have time to get into it right now, but I couldn't help but pull her roughly to me, pressing my erection against her belly.

I felt Bella smile against my lips as she noticed my obvious appreciation of her sexy look; then suddenly she was pushing me backward, her eyes boring into mine with a mischievous glare.

My knees hit the edge of the bed and Bella grinned as she shoved me down onto it. I fell back onto the mattress and propped myself up onto my elbows, watching as she licked her lips and made quick work of my belt. Her small hands had no trouble with my zipper as she pushed my pants and underwear down to my knees, freeing my rock hard dick. I winced slightly as it involuntarily twitched in the cool air and slapped against my abdomen. I was so aroused it was painful.

"Bella-a-a-a-a," I groaned as she got onto her knees and wrapped her fingers around my stiff length. She was grinning wickedly as she lowered her face into my lap and licked me slowly from base to tip. Her eyes never left mine as her tongue swirled around my head before she took me fully into her mouth.

I sucked a breath in through my teeth as the warmth of her mouth enveloped me and watched as my dick slowly slid in and out through her wet lips. A moan escaped me and my hips began to move of their own accord, gently lifting up and down in time with the rhythm she set.

My heart was pounding and my hands were shaking with the force of my arousal, made even more potent by the way Bella looked at me as her head bobbed up and down in my lap. She was glorious. Her eyes burned with the passion of a hundred suns, and they burned for me alone. She was all mine. Men could stare and dream all they wanted, but she chose to give everything she was to me. A tremor of pure, unbridled love rocked through me and I wanted nothing more than to take her and show her just how much I worshiped her, but my body had other ideas.

I felt her hand gently squeeze my balls as she sucked forcefully and hummed on my cock, and I was done. My eyes clenched shut as pleasure shot through me and I came forcefully into her mouth. Bella didn't miss a beat, swallowing quickly and licking the last bit of mess off the tip of my dick.

I collapsed onto my back, panting as the last waves of release washed over me. Bella crawled up between my legs and hovered over me, smiling as she leaned down to kiss me quickly on the lips.

"Better?" she asked with a grin, and I chucked as I nodded my agreement. "Good, because we're going to be late if we don't hurry," she quipped as she stood and reached down to help me with my pants. I lifted myself slightly so she could shimmy them back up my legs and then took over to do my zipper and belt.

Once I had myself put back together, I pushed up to sitting and reached out to pull Bella close to me, resting my face against her belly. "Are you sure we have to go?" I mumbled against her. "We could stay here and play doctor all night instead."

Bella laughed and ran her fingers through my hair while I sighed in contentment. "As appealing as that sounds, Alice would never forgive us if we didn't show off these costumes. So yes, we should go," she answered.

I pulled my head back and looked up to her face, which was still shining with excitement for our night ahead. A smile spread across my lips as I stared at my beautiful wife. The intense love I felt for her was still tingling through my veins and seeing her so happy only fuelled the fire of my passion. She was everything to me, and I would walk barefoot to the ends of the earth just to see that look in her eyes.

"All right," I said, pulling myself away from her and standing up. "Let's party."

**x - X - x**

Twenty-five minutes later, we pulled up in front of Emmett and Rosalie's mansion and handed the Volvo over to a young man dressed in a deep burgundy suit. "Thanks Mike," I said, glancing at his nametag as I slipped him a twenty. I chuckled to myself as he giddily hopped into our car and sped off toward the parking area. Only Em and Rose would have valet parking at a Halloween party; but hey, I certainly wasn't complaining.

I could hear Elvis's "Hound Dog" as we neared the massive front doors, along with the endless babble of people talking and laughing. As we entered the house, another young man in a burgundy suit welcomed us to the party and took our jackets, then directed us to the front hall on our left.

Bella gasped as we walked into the room, and I immediately understood why. Black and white silk banners were hanging on the walls, draped with intricately beaded silver spider webs. There were lit candles in curling wrought iron candelabras everywhere, flickering eerily around in the dim light. A smoke machine was puffing lightly in the corner, causing a thin fog to float around by our feet. It was as though we had been taken back in time to a creepy medieval castle where a coven of witches was hosting an evil soiree. The atmosphere was unreal.

Guests in a wide range costumes stood everywhere, sipping on drinks and munching on snacks. A young woman in a maid's uniform came up to us with a tray of champagne, politely offering each of us a glass as we looked around for our friends.

I spotted Emmett, in what looked to be some kind of animal get-up, across the room and nodded when he looked our way. A grin broke out on his face and he excused himself from his conversation to make his way over to us. I watched him stop and speak to someone in a red hooded cape, and then Rosalie turned in our direction and smiled as she joined him. As soon as I saw them side by side I chuckled, realizing at that point what Emmett's costume was; they were Little Red Riding Hood and The Big Bad Wolf.

I looked over to Bella and she was beaming at them as they approached, obviously appreciating their get-ups as well. She and Rosalie squealed and hugged once they reached us, while Emmett and I shook hands and clapped each other on the back.

"You two look amazing!" Rose gushed as she gave us each a once over. "Alice?" she questioned with a knowing grin.

"Of course," Bella said excitedly while I simply nodded. "I saw your cape when I was there last Sunday," she continued on to Rose. "But I had no idea that this was what it was for! You both look so good. Alice is amazing!"

"That she is," Rose agreed. "She and Jasper are around here somewhere… Oh, there!" she exclaimed, pointing to my right.

I turned my head in the direction she indicated and almost choked on my champagne when I spotted them. Alice was wearing a skin tight, shiny red cat suit with a devil's tail and red horns in her spiky black hair. She held a tiny black and red pitchfork in one hand while she twirled her pointy tail in the other.

That wasn't what got me though; beside her stood Jasper in a floor length white … dress? Robe? I supposed it was a robe. He was wearing a flowing white _robe_ with thick gold trim on the neck and sleeves. A halo on a headband floated above his head and he was holding a little golden harp. Alice must have dusted him in some kind golden glitter, too, because he sparkled slightly in the candlelight.

That poor bastard. It was a true testament to how much he loved my sister that he allowed her to force him into such an affront to his manhood. I should probably get _him_ a nice thank you gift as well, because that just as easily could have been me if Alice had decided she wanted to play nurse instead of Bella. I shook my head in sympathy for my brother-in-law and friend, but as I watched him talk and laugh with the group they were standing in, I had to admit that he didn't seem bothered by it at all. It didn't really surprise me though, nothing ever really got to Jasper.

Just then, Alice looked our way and shrieked, clapping her hands and jumping up and down before she grabbed Jasper's hand and ran over to us. "You guys are finally here!" she trilled happily. "What took you so long? Never mind, I can probably guess. Bella looks good, huh?" she said, winking at me with a sly grin.

I rolled my eyes and turned to Jasper, shaking his hand and trying not to laugh at his ridiculous outfit. He saw right through me though, and chuckled as he said, "I know, man, I know. The things we do for love, huh?"

"You're a bigger man than I, buddy," I replied, clapping him on the back. "Nothing would have gotten me out of the house looking like that. Er, sorry." I said, grimacing at my unintended jab.

Jasper just laughed. "Say what you will, but I'll bet if Bella gave you the same doe-eyed pouty face that Alice gave me, you would have folded, too. I just can't say no to that woman."

I chuckled and shrugged at him, but thinking back to the happily excited look on Bella's face earlier, I knew he was right. She could ask anything of me, and I would do everything within my power to give it to her—even if it meant dressing up like a fairy princess and prancing around in tights for the evening. I sure as hell hoped it would never come to that, but if it made her happy, I would do it.

I sighed and nodded as Jasper gave me a knowing look. "You're right, buddy. If Bella asked me to, I'd dress up like an angel, too," I conceded.

Jasper snickered and punched me on the arm, causing me to kick his leather sandal in return. The two of us could never seem to get over being obnoxious teenage boys around each other; we had known each other since the fifth grade, after all. I honestly couldn't have hoped for my sister to pick a better man than Jasper; he truly was the best of friends.

The six of us chatted happily for a while before breaking off to mingle with the other guests. I was standing with Emmett and a few of his employees, discussing the renovations that his construction company was overseeing in my wing of the hospital, when my eyes wandered and landed on Bella across the room.

She was simply radiant as she talked animatedly with a small group of our mutual acquaintances. In all the years that I had known her, Bella had always been somewhat shy and reserved; she preferred to keep to the outside edges if we even went anywhere at all. In the last couple of months though, she had become an outgoing and fun-loving woman that I hardly recognized. It was wonderful. My heart leapt in my chest as I watched her smiling and laughing with everyone. I had never seen her so full of energy and life, and I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face as I was once again filled to near bursting with love for her. She was so beautiful. Inside, outside, all of her. All I wanted in that moment was to spend my life showing her how much she meant to me, and I shifted slightly, thankful for my lab coat that hid my sudden desire for her.

The conversation continued around me as I watched Bella from afar, my need for her growing stronger by the minute. She drew me to her like a magnet to metal; I had always felt an undeniable pull to her, even when we were children. She was everything I had always wanted, even back then. I had watched her grow up and waited patiently until she returned the feelings I had for her, thinking I would die if the day ever came that she turned me away. The first time we kissed, it was like the first time I'd ever truly breathed because I finally knew that one day she could be mine. I had been out-of-my-mind in love with her for over twenty years now, and to my amazement, my attraction to her only grew stronger by the day, never wavering, not ever. I needed her as my lungs needed air. Everything about her drew me in: her look, her touch, her smell, just _her_. I could spend my entire life by her side and never get my fill of Bella. She was my everything.

Emmett brought me back to reality by asking me a question, but I missed it. He repeated himself with a chuckle and I hastily answered before turning my attention back to Bella, but by the time I looked back over to where she had been, she was gone. My eyes scanned the room and suddenly caught a flash of white heading around the corner into the main house. I excused myself and hastily followed her, seeing her once again turn a corner into the main house and then close the bathroom door behind her.

I waited impatiently in the hallway, needing nothing more than just to have her close to me right then. The door finally opened and she stepped out, looking startled but happy when she saw me.

"Hey, you," she said with a smile. "I was wondering where you had gotten to."

"I'm never far," I murmured, pushing myself off the wall and closing the distance between us in one second. My lips sought hers immediately as I wrapped her up in my arms, and I knew I couldn't wait any longer. I needed her. Right here, right now.

I released her from my grasp and took her hand instead, quickly leading her down the empty corridor. "Edward, what are you doing?" Bella asked as I pulled her into the last room on the right and closed the door behind us. We were in the guest bedroom, and there was no lock on this door, but I couldn't be bothered to care. The whole party could come watch us if they wanted to; the only thing that mattered to me right then was my frantic need to make love to my wife.

"I have to have you," I said huskily as I leaned over her and let my hands wander down her back to rest on her ass. "Right now."

She let out a quiet whimper as I nibbled my way up her neck and across her jaw, finally stopping at her ear where I whispered, "Do you want me, too?"

"Yes. God, yes," she replied shakily. I could feel her trembling slightly as I pressed myself against her further, but I knew it was out of lust and not out of fear. Our safeword ran once through my head, and I was grateful that we had a way to keep ourselves under control. If she was feeling even half of what I was in that instant, things were going to get crazy.

"How much to do you want me?" I implored, letting my hands trail back up her sides to cup her breasts through the fabric of her dress. Her nipples were rock hard as I ran my thumbs over them, and my mouth watered as I imagined them under my tongue. "Tell me how badly you want me, too."

"My body aches for you, Edward. I want to feel you everywhere." she said, her voice still shaking.

"You will," I promised as I stepped back to shrug out of my lab coat and loosen the tie around my neck. My cock was straining against the front of my pants by that point, begging me to release it so I could sheath myself in her warm, wet body and never let her go. I wanted to be inside of her forever, joined as closely as possible until the end of time.

Bella bit her lip as she watched me slowly undo my shirt and pull it out from my pants. I dropped it to the floor by my feet and reached out to bring her close to me again. My hands ran up her bare arms to her neck, and I stopped to brush her hair gently behind her shoulders before moving to the long row of buttons down the front of her dress.

Every inch of her flesh that I slowly exposed only fuelled the fire blazing within me. I could hardly wait to feel her warm body pressed up against mine with nothing between us but our skin. My fingers were surprisingly deft as I crouched down to slip the last button through its opening and parted the fabric concealing her.

I gasped in surprise at what awaited me. Her breasts were bare, full and pale in the sliver of moonlight shining in the window. My shocked eyes travelled down her smooth, flat belly to her hips, where she was wearing a lacy white garter belt to hold up her stockings…and nothing else.

"Holy fuck, Bella," I breathed as searing hot lust raced through my veins. She shifted slightly and her dress slipped off her shoulders, sliding down her back to land in a puddle at her feet. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion as I stared at the goddess standing before me. She was truly a sight to behold: her long flowing hair, her blazing chocolate eyes, her smooth, creamy skin practically glowing in the soft darkness of the room. She was glorious, and she was mine. All mine.

I lowered myself onto my knees and ran my hands up her legs, over her hips, then around to her ass. Cupping her cheeks, I pulled her toward me and hitched her right leg over my shoulder. My tongue came out to lick lightly along her folds and she moaned softly as she tangled her hands into my hair. The sweet and tangy flavour of her body was nearly my undoing, and I had to take a deep breath to calm myself before I came right there in my pants.

Bella ran her fingers down the side of my face and I tilted my gaze up to meet hers. I could see her chest heaving with laboured breaths as she stared down at me, and I knew I couldn't wait any longer to be inside of her.

I gave her delicious pussy one last lick before standing up and leading her to the bed, where I spun her around and bent her over so I could enter her from behind. As soon as my cock was free I grasped her hips and plunged myself inside her, letting my pants simply fall into a puddle around my feet. We both groaned as our bodies connected and I began to thrust slowly in and out. Her hot, slick walls stroked me perfectly, causing pleasure to shoot through my entire body, radiating out my fingers and toes.

"Yes, Edward!" Bella cried as I increased my speed, gripping her hips even harder to brace myself. "Fuck me. Fuck me!"

She knew how much I liked her dirty words now, and I grinned slyly as my arousal burned even stronger. The little minx; she knew exactly how to get me going, and it worked.

"There are at least a hundred people just around the corner, Bella. Be quiet or I'll have to gag you," I panted.

She groaned loudly and then suddenly shouted, "Fuck. FUCK!"

Fire raced through my veins as I abruptly pulled myself out of her and spun her around to face me. I gripped her upper arms as we stared into each other's burning eyes, flames of passion crackling and sparking between us. "I warned you," I said through gritted teeth.

Her eyes widened in excitement and her lips parted slightly at my menacing words. "Do it," she whispered.

I released her from my grasp and looked around the floor, finally spotting my crumpled shirt in a heap by the door. Quickly stepping out of my pants and shoes, I walked over and retrieved my tie, bringing it back to where Bella was still standing at the foot of the bed.

I looked into her eyes one more time, making sure this really was okay. She gave me a wicked grin and nodded, so I brought my tie up to her face and slipped it between her lips, pulling it taut and tying it at the back of her head.

"Bella," I said quietly, a thought suddenly occurring to me. "You won't be able to speak now. So if you want to say "meadow", slap me across the face instead, okay?" I wanted her safeword signal to be something glaringly obvious; something I couldn't misinterpret in the heat of the moment. She grinned around the gag and nodded.

A loud thump suddenly sounded in the hallway, and we both whipped our heads around to the door. "Where's the can?" a man's voice slurred as the doorknob jiggled.

I stopped breathing as I braced myself for us to be caught naked and getting kinky by some drunk stranger at our friends' Halloween party; this was going to be bad. If word of our situation got around to Rosalie, we would never, ever hear the end of it.

"No, Tyler, it's over here," a woman called in an annoyingly high-pitched voice, and I relaxed slightly as I heard him release the doorknob.

"Shit, Lauren. Why didn't you say so before?" Tyler complained as he obviously fell against the wall and then staggered off.

"Hurry up before someone sees us," Lauren shot back, and then a door banged shut down the hallway.

My heart was pounding frantically as I turned back to Bella with wide eyes. Holy hell, that was close. We just stared at each other in shock for a moment, processing what had almost happened. Adrenaline was coursing through my body so fiercely that I was nearly shaking with … _excitement_. Our brush with disaster turned me on so much that I thought I might explode.

I wasted no time pulling Bella to me and lifting her up by the ass to straddle my waist. As soon as her legs were wrapped around me, I plunged myself back inside of her and walked us over to the nearest flat surface. She groaned around her gag as I slammed us up against the wall and began pumping into her furiously. I needed release and wanted her to get there with me, so I braced one hand under her ass while the other came around to finger her clit.

She moaned and panted as I swirled my thumb while simultaneously pounding into her. Her muffled cries of pleasure were enough to bring me straight to the edge, and I let go the second I felt her walls clench around my cock. The most powerful orgasm I had ever experienced rocked through me; it exploded out of my abdomen and screamed through my limbs. My whole body shook with the force of pleasure I had never known before, and I had to pull my hand away from Bella to hold myself up on the wall so I wouldn't collapse.

I stood there panting and shaking, leaning us against the wall as I came down from the high of my intense release. Every inch of my skin was tingling in the aftermath. I had no idea where that orgasm had come from, and I wondered if I would ever feel anything like that again. It was unreal.

When I finally caught my breath, I pushed off the wall and carried us on wobbly legs back to the bed. I lowered Bella down to sit on the edge and leaned over to untie her gag before falling down beside her.

"That was…" I began, but couldn't find the words to express how I felt about everything that had just happened. It was beyond incredible. If this was how Bella felt after the first night we got into all this D/s business, I now completely understood why she pushed me so hard to do it again. And hell, was I glad she did.

"Yeah," Bella breathed. "Are you okay?" she asked, turning to me.

"Yep," I said with a grin. "You?"

"Yep," she replied, beaming at me. "Better than okay. I love you, Edward Cullen. God, how I love you."

I chuckled as I leaned over to kiss her on the mouth. "Don't even get me started, woman," I said against her lips. "The whole reason we're in here is because I love you so much I couldn't help myself any longer. If I start to think about it again, we'll end up knocking their house down! I don't know about you, but I certainly don't want to have to explain that to Em and Rose."

Bella laughed and kissed me one more time before standing up. "Definitely not," she said. "Speaking of… We should probably get the heck out of here before anyone comes looking for us."

"Right," I agreed, getting up to collect my clothes.

I watched as Bella leaned over to retrieve her dress from the floor, shamelessly ogling her perfect behind as it poked out of her lacy white garter belt. Hells bells, the woman is unbelievably sexy, wearing nothing but a garter belt and stockings under her costume. It was almost as if she knew something like this might happen and wanted to make it as easy as possible. My eyes widened as realization suddenly dawned on me.

"Bella," I said incredulously. "Why did you come out tonight practically naked under your costume? Did you _plan_ for this?"

She smiled sheepishly and shrugged her shoulders as she slipped into her dress and began buttoning it up. "I didn't _plan_ for it … but you can't blame a girl for being prepared, can you?" she asked as her eyes danced mischievously. Good lord, my wife was a vixen.

I chuckled as I shook my head in awe. "I guess I can't," I conceded. "Especially not when it benefits me so incredibly well."

Bella giggled and went over to the mirror to try to straighten her appearance. As soon as I was dressed, I joined her and frowned as I took in our dishevelled states. We looked like we just fucked each other thoroughly. How embarrassingly appropriate.

"We can't go back out there like this," I said and Bella grimaced in reply.

"Everyone will know," she agreed. "Do you think we can sneak by somehow?"

"Doubtful," I replied. "Alice sees everything."

"Yeah," she said, turning away from the mirror and looking around the room. Her eyes stopped on something to my left and she bit her lip with a grin. "How would you feel about going out the window?" she asked. "We're on the ground floor."

I turned around and looked at the window, then burst out laughing. "Are you serious?" I demanded. "I'm thirty one years old! My days of climbing in and out of bedroom windows are long over."

We both laughed as we remembered how I used to sneak into her bedroom at her father's house, having to climb a gnarly old oak tree to get to her tiny second story window. I had nearly killed myself the first couple of times I scaled its heights, but by the time she moved out, I could have climbed it in a coma. We carved our initials into it just after her eighteenth birthday, and I wondered if they were still visible or if time had worn them away. I would have to check the next time we went to Forks for a visit.

"Well, it's that or face Rosalie," Bella said, bringing me out of my musings.

"All right," I relented. "I'm feeling nostalgic, so let's do this." I rubbed my palms together and headed over to throw open the window as Bella giggled behind me.

"Ladies first," I said as she came up beside me. She hopped onto the sill, swinging her legs over as I helped lower her down to the ground. Once I knew she was steady on her feet, I took one quick look around the room to make sure we didn't leave any incriminating evidence and then climbed out after her, landing almost silently on the crisp grass.

"I guess I haven't lost it," I joked as we jogged across the lawn toward the valet station.

Mike raised an eyebrow at us as we appeared out of the trees but didn't say anything as he left to retrieve our car. Working for Rosalie must have taught him better.

Just as I saw the Volvo's lights coming up the drive, I noticed Bella shivering slightly and realized we had left our jackets inside. "Damn it," I muttered, wrapping my arms around her to keep her warm. "It looks like we'll have to face the music after all; we left our coats in there."

Bella laughed lightly and shrugged. "Oh well, it was worth it," she sighed happily.

"Yes, it was," I agreed as I kissed her forehead. Boy, was it ever.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading :) See you next week!**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Many thanks to those who read and reviewed the last chapter. I'm sorry I haven't been able to reply yet, but I haven't been on my computer in a couple of days now and trying to manage such things from my Piece-of-CrapBerry just sucks. Anyhoo ... you all know I love you and your nice comments so please don't stop!**

**Here is the next chapter which I again have not re-read from posting it the first time around, because I know myself much, much, MUCH better than that. I hope you enjoy it! :)**

* * *

_**~ Chapter 16 ~**_

_**(Bella)**_

I fidgeted nervously with the strings on my hoodie as I waited on the Hales' front doorstep. This moment of reckoning had come much too quickly. I was there to pick Rosalie up for our regular Saturday Strippercize class, and would have to try to explain our abrupt departure from the party last night. I was never going to hear the end of this, and I knew it.

Rosalie had actually called us around one-thirty in the morning to make sure we were safe at home, but didn't press the issue because we were obviously asleep when Edward answered the phone. Just the fact that she hadn't made a big deal out of our secret escape didn't bode well for me at all. I was sure she knew something else was afoot with us last night, and was saving her inquisition for when she could get me alone. Unfortunately for me, that happened to be right now.

I sighed dramatically as the ornate front door swung open and I was met with a clearly unimpressed Rose. She eyed me with her arms crossed tightly over her chest as she tapped one foot impatiently against the marble floor.

"You have some explaining to do," was all she said as she stared at me expectantly. Other than her rapidly tapping foot, she didn't move a muscle.

"Can I at least come in?" I asked sarcastically. "Or are you going to make me spill my guts out here on the porch?"

Her lips pursed into a dusty pink line as she briefly considered my request, then she huffed and stepped aside to allow me in.

"I'd offer to take your coat," she snipped as the door clicked shut behind me. "But it seems to be here already."

I rolled my eyes as I walked past her into the front room and perched on the edge of their grey linen sofa; I had a feeling I wasn't going to be sitting for long. Once the truth of our activities last night came out, Rose was probably going to chase me down and pull my hair out strand by strand. She wasn't one to hold back if you gave her a reason to go medieval on you.

"So," Rosalie said as she lowered herself gracefully onto the matching sofa opposite me.

I watched nervously as she folded her hands into her lap and looked up at me with a perfectly calm face. I knew her too well; she was seething below the surface.

"Where would you like to start?" she asked. "With your sudden disappearance last night or with the jackets left behind in our cloak room?"

I swallowed thickly as her eyes narrowed and a wicked smirk played on her lips.

"No, I know… Let's start with the rumpled bed and dented wall in the guest bedroom."

I stared at her in shock. We had _dented the wall_? Holy hell! I knew that we had been rough and frantic last night, but I didn't realize we had gone that far. How could I not have noticed that?

"You're kidding, right?" I said incredulously. There was just no way Edward had slammed me against the wall hard enough to break the plaster without my knowing it. I would have noticed. Right?

"Am I?" Rosalie asked. "You tell me … you were there, after all. It looks to me like things got a little rough between you two last night. Oh pardon me, I meant _a lot rough_."

My mouth was hanging open as I blinked at her repeatedly. How could this be possible? I had looked myself over this morning and I didn't have any bumps or bruises. My shoulders were a bit sore, but no more than they would be after a long day at work. Nothing about my physical state this morning suggested that we had gotten that aggressive in the heat of the moment. I simply couldn't believe what she was telling me.

"Can I see?" I choked out. "I need to see the room."

Rosalie's posture relaxed slightly and she frowned as she took in my agitated state. "Sure," she said carefully as she stood from the sofa.

I followed wordlessly as we walked down the long hallway and turned into the last room on the right. My eyes immediately sought the spot where Edward and I had climaxed together, and just as Rose had said, there was a shallow dent in the shape of my back and shoulders on the wall.

My knees went weak as I stared at the evidence of our untamed lust; I was completely and utterly stunned. Had we really come that far? It seemed like only yesterday that I had unwittingly thrust us into this adventure together, thinking that we could just add a little sizzle into our sex life and otherwise carry on as usual. My plan had gone horribly wrong though, and instead we had ended up in a tangle of miscommunication and misunderstanding that ended up hurting us both. It was horrible to have to go through all that stress and emotional pain with the man I loved more than anything in the world, but I couldn't say I was sorry that it happened; not when I was standing before tangible proof that this lifestyle we had stumbled into was exactly right for us.

Edward and I had both acknowledged that last night was one of the most incredible sexual experiences of our lives, and now I knew it was because we had truly given ourselves over to our base natures and just let go. We let our deepest, darkest desires take over and gave ourselves the freedom to just feel everything in the moment, and take it all as it came. We had done it; we were there.

I didn't realize I had walked over to the wall and was running my fingers along the cracks we had made until Rosalie came up beside me and squeezed my shoulder gently.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly, all traces of her annoyance gone.

"Yeah," I whispered, unable to speak around the lump that had settled in my throat. "I'm just so proud of him."

"Was this a big step for you two?" Rosalie inquired and I nodded yes.

Edward had struggled so much in the beginning as he battled to control his over-protective instincts toward me, but now he was able to be so unguardedly aggressive that we had damaged Em and Rose's house! This was a big step, indeed.

"I think I need to go home," I said dazedly. "Do you mind if we skip our class today?"

"Not at all," Rose replied. "I'm still feeling a little hung over anyway. We'll make it up next Saturday."

"Okay," I said then turned to leave the room. I needed to get to Edward immediately. I needed to show him everything I was feeling in that instant; words simply wouldn't be enough.

"Bella," Rosalie called as I reached the front door.

I stopped with my fingers on the handle and turned to her quizzically. I was in such a state right then that I would have just walked out without saying goodbye.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked with a look of concern on her face; my behaviour must have been really bizarre.

"Better than okay," I said as my mouth curled up into a grin. "In fact, I'm the best I've ever been."

Rosalie furrowed her brow in confusion but smiled back at me anyway. "Alright, well … call me later please. I think we need to continue this little chat we were having."

I chucked softly; I knew she wouldn't let it go.

"I will," I said. "And I'm so sorry about your wall. We'll pay for the repairs, of course."

Rosalie just waved her hand dismissively. "Bah, Em will have that fixed up in ten minutes. Besides, I guess it's only fair that you two even the score against us."

I raised one eyebrow at her as she grinned wickedly, but decided that I probably didn't want to know what she was talking about; especially not if it had anything to do with her and Emmett defiling my house somehow. "Ignorance is bliss," Thomas Gray said, and in this case, he was right.

"I'll call you tonight," I said as I turned and ran to my car.

Every second that I wasn't in Edward's arms was one I'd trade ten minutes in hell for. My heart actually ached to be near him and desire pulsed so strongly between my legs that it hurt. I needed him—now.

The entire drive home was a blur. By the time I pulled the Volvo into our usual spot against the curb I had no idea how I got there. The car and I were both in one piece though, so I must have been paying attention on some level.

I ran up the sidewalk and through our front door, slamming it shut behind me.

"Bella?" Edward called out from the living room, but I had already kicked off my shoes and started to pull my sweater over my head, so I didn't answer.

"Hi," he said when I came around the corner, leaving a trail of clothes behind me.

His eyes went wide and a smile crept onto his face as he watched me pull off my shirt and unhook my bra. I threw them both to the floor and pushed my bottoms down in one swift motion, then went to straddle him where he was sitting on the couch.

"Hi," I replied breathlessly as I pulled off his t-shirt and moved to unzip his jeans.

He helped me shimmy them down his legs and then kicked them to the side with his underwear. He looked at me questioningly but there was no time for words, so I pulled his face to mine and immediately plunged my tongue into his mouth. I moaned softly as his delicious taste washed over me and I tangled my fingers into his messy hair so I could lap at every last drop of his essence. Edward wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me close to his chest as he returned my kiss passionately.

I could feel his stiff erection sliding against my wetness, so I reached down between us and guided him inside me. We both groaned in pleasure as I sank further into his lap and began to move my hips slowly above him. Our bodies fit together so perfectly, and I was immediately overwhelmed by the sensation of his thick length filling me completely.

Edward ran his hands down to my ass and squeezed my cheeks roughly so he could guide his thrusts within me. Pleasurable pain jolted through my body as his fingers dug into my flesh. The sharp pinch of his nails sent tingles up and down my spine and ended as a pulse in my clit. I tightened my hold on his hair and leaned my forehead against his as my body began to tremble in lust.

"Oh God," I breathed as he gripped even harder and began pumping faster beneath me. Pleasure was building steadily in my belly and I didn't know how much longer I would last. "Don't stop," I begged as I threw my head back and clenched my eyes shut. "Don't fucking stop."

Edward grunted and moved his mouth to my neck, where he licked up my throat and across my jaw, then bit down on the sensitive flesh just below my ear. I came completely undone as his teeth sank into my skin and sent a shiver through my entire body. Waves of release rolled through me and I cried out as my walls clenched tightly around his dick.

I was expecting him to follow after me in orgasm, but instead he stopped and repositioned us so I was lying on my back with him hovering between my legs. "I'm not done with you yet," he growled as he pinned my hands over my head and thrust back into me.

My knees were shaking with fatigue as he began pounding in and out of me, but I was so turned on by his forcefulness that desire awoke between my legs again. I loved the feeling of his strong body pressed on top of mine, slick and sweaty from his efforts. Being pinned beneath him as he had his way with me was easily one of my most favourite positions, so I clasped my legs around his hips to bring him closer to me still.

Edward wrapped his hand around both of my wrists and I groaned loudly as he brought his other hand down to roughly squeeze my breast. My clit pulsed as he pinched and rolled my nipple between his fingers, and I couldn't help but wish he would take it into his mouth. His tongue was so skilled and I wanted to feel it run over my flesh, over every inch of my body.

His pelvis was rubbing perfectly against my throbbing clit with every thrust he made and I quickly found myself at the edge of release again. My entire body was in a frenzy of lust and I couldn't contain the moans of pleasure that were falling from my mouth. Edward was panting against my neck as he increased his speed, and then brought his hand from my breast to grasp my hair tightly. He pulled my head to the side so his lips were pressed against my ear where he whispered roughly, "Come with me. _Now._"

I saw stars as the sharp pain in my scalp coupled with his sexy, demanding words brought forth another explosive orgasm from deep within me. Intense pleasure radiated out from my hips to the very tips of my fingers and toes as I called out Edward's name in ecstasy.

He grunted in my ear one last time as he thrust forward forcefully and came buried deep inside of me. Once his orgasm was spent, he collapsed on top of me and we lay panting and shaking together as we came down from the heights of our shared release.

"Wow," Edward breathed against my neck as he rolled to the side and wrapped his arm around me.

"Yeah," I replied, still a little breathless. "Wow."

Edward chuckled lightly and brought his hand up to gently caress my cheek.

"Not that I'm complaining," he said. "But what brought that on? I thought you were going to the gym with Rose?"

I turned my head slightly so I could look into his eyes as I grinned happily.

"You're not the only one who gets overcome with love and desire, you know. I was just so proud of you, Edward. I had to come home and tell you right away."

"Proud of me?" he asked as he cocked his eyebrow questioningly.

I told him about the damaged wall in Emmett and Rosalie's guest bedroom and how I was so taken by everything he had overcome to get us to that point. How I was so amazed that we had gone that far last night without either of us realizing it, and how I was sure that meant this sexual lifestyle was exactly right for us. Edward listened with wide eyes and a small grin as I excitedly explained everything, then nodded his agreement when I was done.

"I can't believe we actually left physical damage behind," he said as he shook his head in amusement. "That's going to be one seriously awkward conversation with Emmett."

I snorted and poked his arm playfully. "It's only fair, Edward Cullen, and I don't pity you at all. _I_ had to face Rosalie this morning."

Edward chuckled as he pulled the blanket from the back of the sofa and wrapped it around our naked bodies. I curled into him and laid my head on his chest as I sighed in contentment. I had everything I ever wanted and needed right here in my arms, and I couldn't ever imagine wanting more. I had Edward; I was whole.

**x - X - x**

The bell rang signalling the end of the school day and all of my students immediately began gathering their things and filing out of the classroom.

"Don't forget to read chapter thirteen of Catcher in the Rye for tomorrow," I shouted over the noise of their departure. "I'm here if anyone has any questions."

Not a single one acknowledged me as they fled the classroom in a flurry of shouts and laughter. They seemed more excited about getting out of here that they were about anything I had to teach them. I sighed dejectedly as the last student ran out the door and the room went silent.

I spent the next two hours grading poorly written essays that I knew had been thrown together after American Idol had ended last night. It was depressing as hell, but I really didn't want to wallow in my failed attempts to spark a love for literature in my students, not when I had a Lust for Life class to look forward to tonight. Things were really starting to get interesting in the course and I was excited to see what was in store for us next.

I circled my last red 'C' and filed all of my paperwork away, then turned off the lights and locked the door before I headed out to the Volvo. The drive home was painfully slow since I had stayed late enough to hit rush hour traffic, but forty-five minutes later I finally pulled up in front of our house and ran inside.

Edward pulled me into at tight embrace and kissed me passionately when I came in the front door, then led me to the dining table where he had set out ham and cheese Paninis with a whole wheat pasta salad for dinner. The man was a god in all things.

"So," he said after swallowing his first bite of sandwich. "How was your day?"

"Same as ever," I replied with a shrug. "I want to teach, they don't care to learn. You?"

Edward frowned as he mulled over my response; it was obviously not what he was expecting to hear.

"Are you really unhappy there?" he asked.

I sighed and put my fork down on my plate.

"Not unhappy, just … unfulfilled, I guess. I just feel like my passion for sharing knowledge is being wasted on kids who don't give a crap. I became a teacher to actually _teach, _and right now I feel more like a glorified babysitter."

Edward's frown deepened and his forehead wrinkled as he stared at me. I hated to be bringing us down when we had something good to do tonight and I hoped that we could let this subject drop rather than ruin our moods with my moping.

"I just want you to be happy," he finally said. "Do whatever you need to do, and I'm behind you all the way."

My heart swelled as I smiled at him happily. He has told me that so many times before, but every time I heard those words it still made me melt. I couldn't imagine being loved more than I was by Edward.

"I know," I said. "I'll figure it out someday. But for now we need to run, or we'll be late for our class," I pointed out, nodding toward the clock behind him.

"Okay," he said as he stood and gathered up our plates. "We definitely don't want to give Ms. Weber a reason to punish us!"

I laughed as I helped him clear the table, then we grabbed our jackets and ran out the door. We made it to class with two minutes to spare, and had just settled into our seats when Ms. Weber came striding into the classroom with Benjamin following meekly at her heels. He immediately sat in the chair with his head bowed while she perched on the edge of the desk and launched right into our lecture.

"Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen," she said in her crisp, authoritative voice. "Tonight we begin our series on BDSM."

* * *

**A/N: Oooooh. That's right. We're going there ... with Ms. Weber. *cackles menacingly* See you next week! :)**

**Note: **For those questioning whether or not Edward and Bella could possibly have dented a wall in such a way—Rose and Emmett live in a huge, old mansion that they have remodelled quite extensively, however some of the original plaster walls remain. These old walls are crumbly and weak, and it really doesn't take much to scratch or dent them. The dent is shallow, maybe just 1/8 of an inch deep, and most noticable where Bella's shoulders hit the wall. I believe it is quite possible for this scenario to have happened, as I myself have done worse damage to plaster walls in old houses by accident, or even by playfighting. Just throwing this out there as I remember having a few people mention this last time around.


	17. Chapter 17

******A/N: Hello, lovelies! My apologies for not updating sooner—last week just totally got away on me! Many thanks for the reviews on last chapter, and as always I'm sorry I haven't replied to them. I am ultimate fail in that regard and I know it :(**

**Now everyone please listen up, because this next bit is important. Just in case you've forgotten my disclamatory rant from Chapter 12, let me refresh your memories: THIS IS ALL BULLSHIT. Everything I wrote here is just a bunch of crap I made up to suit this story, and while it may sound cool, it's not real. Any similarities to actual practice or theories on the subject are completely coincidental, and I do not claim expertise on any of the ideas I express through these characters. Okay? Are we clear? Okay.**

**Let's get on with it then, shall we?**

* * *

_**~ Chapter 17 ~**_

_**(Edward)**_

Silence filled the air as Ms. Weber strode confidently into the classroom with Benjamin following obediently, his head bowed in supplication and his eyes never leaving the floor. Her stiletto heels clicked and echoed loudly as she walked around the front of the large wooden desk and perched lightly on the edge, leaving Benjamin to sink into the chair behind her where he sat quietly and stared unwaveringly into his lap. The tension in the room was stifling as she crossed her long fishnet-clad legs and eyed us sternly, before her razor-sharp voice cut through the silence like a knife.

"Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen. Tonight we begin our series on BDSM," she looked around the room as she spoke, her fierce stare daring anyone to react to her words. Then, seemingly satisfied with our attention, she continued. "BDSM, or bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism, is a practice that has been around for centuries, though its exact origins remain unknown. It is a facet of sexual psychology that is not widely understood, with many differing theories as to what motivates one's preference for their chosen role. That being said, in this course we will explore _my _beliefs and experiences regarding the subject, which I have gained through years of study and research, as well as the insight that fifteen years of being a Domme has given me."

It was the first time she openly acknowledged her lifestyle with Benjamin, and though I was sure I wasn't the only person to have guessed the truth early on, a collective gasp resounded around the room at her admission. Bella and I both glanced at each other at the same time, grinning smugly with the knowledge of the pictorial proof we had already seen, and then refocused our attention on Ms. Weber, who had once again begun speaking after letting her last statement sink in.

"Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, I am a Dominatrix, more casually referred to as a 'Domme,' and Benjamin is my submissive, or 'sub.' Such has been the dynamic of our relationship for the past twelve years, and I can confidently tell you that we could not function any other way with each other—we are what we are, and both of us are comfortable in our respective roles. Now, while I will not be openly discussing the more intimate affairs of our relationship during our lesson, I do feel it is important you know that I speak not only from textbook knowledge, but also from personal experience. So, with that said, I will offer this opportunity only once: are there any questions?"

Much to my disappointment, no one moved even the slightest bit as Ms. Weber scanned the room with her harsh gaze, but I wasn't surprised either. Even though I had a hundred burning questions about what went on behind their closed doors, there was no way I was going to actually _ask_ her about my perverse fascination with her private life, whether I had her permission to or not. The simple truth was Ms. Weber scared the shit out of me.

When it was obvious that we were all too intimidated to make any inquiries of her, Ms. Weber stood from the desk and, without making eye contact, ordered Benjamin to set up the slide projector that rested in the back left corner of the room. He shuffled wordlessly down the aisle farthest from me, his head never moving from its slumped forward posture, and then wheeled the ancient machine back up to the front. Once he had it positioned correctly and plugged in to the outlet on the floor beneath the desk, he pulled down the screen fastened above the blackboard and returned to his seat unceremoniously.

The whole scene was sickly awe-inspiring to me—the way Ms. Weber commanded him so effortlessly and how he obliged immediately and without question. As much as it bothered me to even consider it, I couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to wield that kind of power over someone; to be so in control of their every move. I couldn't even fathom the amount of discipline it would require to implement such measures in a relationship, and to uphold them so diligently, when just thinking about it was so mentally exhausting for me. What was even more intriguing, however, was how Benjamin seemed to be so accepting of the whole situation. He actually seemed to _want_ to be dominated so severely; he thrived on it.

I glanced over to Bella and found her watching them intently, with her eyes narrowed slightly while she chewed absently on her bottom lip. I knew that look; she was deep in thought. It scared me a little that she might be pondering the same avenues I was, but before I could nudge her and ask what was on her mind, Ms. Weber flicked the projector on and her voice cracked like a whip through the silence.

"We will begin our lesson by examining the five basic levels of BDSM, focusing specifically on the areas of bondage and submission." She clicked the small remote she held and an image flashed up on the screen. It showed a blonde woman bent over the back of a couch, with a man holding both her wrists behind her back and spanking her bare ass with his free hand. "What you see here is what I categorize as Level One Bondage. There are no physical ties or restraints, nor is the Dominant employing the use of any tools other than his own hands. The Submissive has all five of her senses available to her, and is able to immediately remove herself from the situation should it prove to be too much. Most sexually active men and women will experience some form of Level One Bondage in their life time, with anything from gentle biting and grabbing to mild restraint using only your own body fitting into this category."

She clicked the remote again and a new picture appeared in front of us, this time of a man down on all fours and bound at his ankles with a thin white rope. A woman with wild red hair stood behind him in a thigh-length, black negligee and a pair of black patent leather heels, and she was striking his back with a short handled whip made of long, thin leather strips.

"Level Two Bondage," Ms. Weber explained, "occurs with the addition of instruments designed to restrict movement and inflict mild to moderate physical pain. As you can see here, the man is tied securely at his feet, therefore preventing him from quickly removing himself from the scene should he become overwhelmed. This requires a higher level of trust in his Dominatrix and their established safeword, because his immediate freedom and safety are in her hands. In addition to being bound, the sub is also being whipped with a leather flogger, rather than the Domme's own hand. Doing so creates..."

Ms. Weber's voice continued to buzz in the back of my mind, but my thoughts were drifting to Bella and I and how we fit into this whole crazy scene. BDSM on one level or another was right for us, of that much I was certain, but how far were we willing to go? I knew that I loved how she trusted me enough to give herself to me so willingly, and how incredible it felt to take control of her body and watch her experience pleasure like she never had before, but could there be more for her? Could there be more for me?

I turned my head slightly to look over at Bella, who was listening raptly to Ms. Weber's words, her eyes wide and her lips parted in an expression I wasn't sure I could name. She looked ... intense. Her tongue peeked out to wet her lips and she took a deep breath, letting it out in a slow shudder as she remained focused on the lesson before us. I furrowed my brow as I watched her soak it all in, and once again wished I had the ability to read her mind so I would know exactly what she was thinking about all this.

"This next slide," Ms. Weber said, drawing my attention back to her lecture. "Portrays a couple engaging in what I describe in my book as "Level Five Bondage", one of the most extreme forms of BDSM. Notice how the submissive is completely at her Dominant's mercy—restrained at her head, hands, knees and feet. She is also blindfolded and gagged."

My brain nearly shut down at the sight of the image on the screen. A shirtless man wearing dark grey dress pants was standing beside a woman strapped to a large, freestanding wall. It was tilted back slightly so her weight wasn't pulling at the restraints, which consisted of long, black velvet ties that wrapped around her forehead, wrists, knees and feet. A deep blue silk scarf covered her eyes, while a matching one threaded through her full red lips. She wore a thick leather collar with thin chains that ended in small clamps on her nipples, and her legs were spread out on the board, so I could clearly see the multiple rings and barbells piercing her pussy.

What really shocked me, though, was the pale, creamy skin of her slender limbs, the blush on her rosy cheeks, and her long, dark brown hair, cascading in supple waves down her sides.

It was Bella.

I stared incredulously, my cock instantly turning to stone as I imagined myself standing beside her, sliding my fingers down the soft planes of her body and slipping them between her slick and waiting folds. I wanted to tug on the chains attached to her nipples and bite just above the collar around her graceful neck, causing her to scream my name as my hand brought her to ecstasy. Then, after she came, I would lick the insides of her thighs and slap the tender flesh of her pussy until she begged me to take her, finally releasing her from her bindings so I could throw her to the floor and fuck her into oblivion. I could actually _feel_ her silky hair gliding across my fingers as I pulled her head back toward me, demanding that she look into my eyes as I thrust forcefully into her from behind and spanked her round ass until it was glowing red.

Holy motherfucking, cock sucking, rat bastard, ass-pounding _SHIT_.

My daydream was so vivid that I nearly blacked out, and I was surprised, albeit relieved, that I hadn't actually come right there in my pants. When I finally shook myself from my stupor, I glanced over to Bella again and found her staring straight ahead, her eyes glazed over as she chewed her lip absently. I wondered if she had recognized the likeness to herself in the picture and was having the same reaction I was, but with Ms. Weber still commanding the room in all her fierce authority, there was no way I could interrupt to ask her. At least, not if I wanted to get out of here alive.

The rest of the class passed in a daze as I concentrated my imagination on every picture of a fat, ugly grandma I had ever seen, trying to will my raging erection away. Scenes of Bella in various stages of bondage kept popping up in my mind, though, and I could barely control myself from taking her by the hand and having my wicked way with her right out there in the hallway.

About thirty minutes later Ms. Weber finally dismissed us, and I attempted to adjust my still painfully hard cock before standing up and turning to Bella expectantly. She didn't move from her chair, though; she just sat there looking contemplative and lost in her own thoughts. I waited a moment for her to come to, wondering if she just needed a moment to gather her thoughts the way I had, but when she still didn't stir. I sat back down beside her and tucked a stray hair behind her ear.

"Um, Bella?" I said quietly. "Are you ready to go?"

She turned her head to me slowly, licking her lips as her eyes locked on mine. The ravenous hunger in her gaze sent a chill of raging lust down my spine, and I nearly threw her over my shoulder and bolted from the room. The conflict I saw behind her fervour made me pause, however, and I scooted my chair closer to hers so I could wrap my arm around her shoulder as I asked in a near whisper, "Is everything okay?"

Bella blinked a few times and shook her head before laughing uneasily and giving me a small smile. "Yes," she replied. "I'm sorry; I'm just totally lost in my head right now. What did you say before that?"

"I asked if you were ready to go," I told her, trying to keep the look of concern off my face. Her behaviour was starting to worry me.

"Oh," she said, shaking her head from side to side again. "Yes, of course. Um ... I'd like to talk to Ms. Weber for a second, though. Do you want to go start the car and let it warm up a bit? I can meet you in front in a few minutes."

I just stared at her, unable to keep the shock and confusion from my expression. "You want to talk to Ms. Weber," I repeated. "Alone?"

"Um, yeah-h-h..." she replied awkwardly, taking a deep breath as if to calm her nerves. "If you don't mind."

"Okay," I said, even though my mind was racing with panicked speculation. What the hell could she possibly have to say to Ms. Weber that she didn't want me to hear? Worse yet, how would Ms. Weber respond and what effect would it have on our lives? _For the love of all that is holy, just what is about to happen here?_

I forced a reassuring smile and kissed Bella's cheek, then left her in the classroom as I walked quickly to retrieve the car. My stomach was twisting in nervous knots as I climbed into the Volvo and turned the key in the ignition. Something told me that whatever was said right now between Bella and Ms. Weber was going to have a profound impact on us, and I was nearly jumping out of my skin with both excitement and terror. I sat in the idling car for several minutes, thinking back on my reaction to the last slide she showed us, and how desperately I wanted that scene to take place between Bella and me. Bella seemed affected by something she had seen or heard in the class as well... Could that possibly mean what I wanted it to? Could Bella want that, too?

Before my imagination could get too out of control again, I put the car into drive and slowly made my way to the front of the empty school. Bella came out of the double glass doors just as I pulled up to the curb, and I scrutinized her face as she walked toward me, trying to glean from her expression any hint of what was discussed in my absence.

I was relieved when her eyes showed no trace of the anxiety I saw in them before, but they didn't give me any hints either. "How did it go?" I prodded, trying to sound nonchalant, but really I was about to implode with raging curiosity.

"Fine," she answered, but didn't offer any more details before subtly changing the subject. "You know, I didn't think it was possible, but she's even scarier face-to-face than she is the rest of the time."

Even though I was growing annoyed at her evasiveness, I couldn't help but laugh. "I can't even imagine," I said. "I was shocked that you'd be brave enough to face her alone."

Bella snorted. "Hardly... I was having a panic attack the entire time. The woman is a walking definition of the word "intimidating." My hands were shaking so badly I actually dropped my purse at one point!"

I chuckled as I turned out of the parking lot and onto the main road, glancing over my shoulder as I pulled immediately onto the ramp leading to the freeway. "Well, you're braver than I am, anyway," I told her. "Other than this class, I don't think there's anything that could get me to go willingly into her presence."

Bella's breath hitched slightly and she shifted awkwardly in her seat, looking for all the world like she was hiding something, which I was fairly certain she was—acting had never been her strongest talent. She glanced over and caught me eyeing her perplexedly as we were stopped at a red light, and with a dramatic sigh, she turned to me finally and said, "Stop looking at me like that. I just had a question to ask about something she mentioned during class, and I thought it would be easier woman-to-woman. It's nothing you should worry about, I promise. Okay?"

I raised an eyebrow questioningly, not entirely sure if I believed her story, but when she smiled at me with her large, pleading eyes and bit her bottom lip all sweet-like, I decided to let the matter drop. Hell's bells, I was such a sucker for her. "Okay, but you know you can tell me anything, right? I mean, after everything we've been through together, especially over the last few months, there's nothing you could say or do that we couldn't deal with together."

Bella beamed at me and reached over to grasp my free hand, twisting her fingers with mine and squeezing them gently. "Of course I know that," she replied. "But it's really nothing. In fact, I don't even know if it was worth the strain on my heart to get an answer, now that I think on it."

I laughed again as I pulled the car to a stop against the curb and turned off the engine, and then leaned over to kiss Bella's lips before she could open her door. "I really, really love you," I said against her mouth, and I could feel her smile as she pressed her lips against mine once more.

"And I really, really love you," she whispered back, bringing her hand up to my jaw and kissing me more deeply than before. Our tongues met briefly before she pulled back and looked into my eyes, saying, "You know what I would love even more, though?" I hummed in reply. "You and me ... in bed ... now."

That was one request she never had to make twice.

We ran from the car and through our front door, quickly kicking off our shoes and heading straight to the bedroom. I shrugged out of my t-shirt and kicked my jeans to the side, leaving all my clothes in a heap on the floor as I threw back the covers and slid between the sheets.

Bella undressed more slowly, draping her sage green cable-knit dress over the armchair in the corner and sliding her nude thigh-high stockings down one leg at a time. She stared at me seductively as she unclasped her pale yellow bra and let it fall down her arms, then finally hooked her thumbs into the sides of her matching thong and pushed it down to her feet.

I took a deep breath as she stood naked before me, her smooth, pale skin almost glowing in the soft light of our lamps. She was so damn beautiful it hurt.

"Come here," I said huskily as I reached my hand out to her. She just grinned at me coyly, though, with her teeth sinking delicately into her lower lip as her eyes narrowed naughtily.

"Mmm," she sighed, and then she raised her arms above her head, arching her back slightly as she stretched her fingers up to the ceiling. Her hair fell in dark brown waves down her sides as she tilted her head back and closed her eyes. I watched in silence as she spread her arms out slowly, reaching them to opposite sides until her hands were about three feet apart, where she finally remained, her glorious body spread out like a succulent buffet.

I eyed her shamelessly, my cock instantly reacting to the delicious treat standing before me ... and then my brain suddenly clicked in recognition. Standing there as she was, her arms stretched above her head with her feet hip distance apart, she was in almost the exact position of the picture I had reacted to so strongly before. My mind's eye instantly saw her bound, blindfolded, and gagged as my hands roamed her flesh, pinching and slapping while my mouth licked, sucked and nipped. I would drive her wild with lust, teasing and coaxing her orgasm from her slowly, until I finally allowed her the release she so desperately craved.

I would dominate—and she would submit.

Before I even realized what I was doing, I leapt from the bed and my body crashed into hers. We stumbled momentarily until her back hit the closet door, where I pressed my full weight against her and brought my hands up to palm her breasts roughly.

"You are a naughty girl," I whispered menacingly into her ear. "You knew exactly what you were doing by standing in front of me like that, didn't you."

Bella shuddered violently as she sucked in a ragged breath, but she didn't respond.

I ran my hands down her sides and over her slim hips, finally ending at her ass where I dug my fingers into her soft flesh and pulled her even closer to me. "Answer me," I demanded. "Don't make me ask you again."

"Y-y-yes," she stuttered. "I knew what I was doing and how you would react. I'm such a bad girl."

A wicked smirk played on my lips as I clucked my tongue and leaned down to look directly into her eyes, which were blazing hotly as she stared back at me. "Tsk, tsk, tsk, Bella. You are very naughty, indeed. Tell me, though, do you know what happens when bad girls misbehave?"

She shook her head 'no' as she sucked in another deep, shuddering breath, her chest heaving with the force of her excitement.

I pulled away and took her by the hand, leading her over to our dresser where I bent her over before moving to stand behind her. Every hair on my body stood on end as ran my fingers down her spine and then let them rest in the small of her back. I leaned down so I could brush my lips against her ear, feeling her trembling beneath me as moved my hand to caress her left ass cheek, and then said in a throaty growl, "They get punished."

Bella whimpered once as I pulled my hand away, but when my palm snapped back to meet the soft, fleshy mound of her rear, she moaned do deeply that my blood burned like lava in my veins. I spanked her again, a shiver coursing through me as the force of my slap reverberated up my arm and set my pulse racing, and then a third time, letting her cries of pleasurable pain sear me to my very core.

"Oh fuck. Fuck yes!" she groaned, and I released my hand against her bottom once more.

"Watch your language," I warned her as the sound of my palm meeting her ass echoed around the room. "Your filthy mouth will only prolong your punishment."

Bella moaned as my warning washed over her, and I spanked her several more times, watching hungrily as her body tensed and relaxed with the sting on her flesh. Seeing her react to my aggression was the most erotic sight I had ever witnessed, made better only by the sounds of longing falling from her lips.

I caressed her glowing pink ass cheek gently, allowing my fingers to soothe the last remnants of pain away, and then moved my hands to her shoulders so I could turn her body to face me.

"You took that well," I said softly, and her eyes lit up as she soaked in my praise. "Now you shall be rewarded. Go sit."

I pointed to the high-backed wooden chair tucked neatly under her vanity, and she immediately walked over and pulled it to the center of the room, before lowering herself onto the plush, padded seat.

I nodded my approval and then went to the top drawer of my bedside table, removing the black box for the first time since that disastrous Friday night so many months ago. Bella gasped when she saw me set it on the bed and unlock it with the small key, and I looked up at her and winked as I pulled first the handcuffs from its depths, then the two red silk scarves.

She watched excitedly as I made my way over to her and then knelt down behind her chair, pulling both of her wrists around to handcuff them behind her back. I then moved to her right side, using one scarf to fasten her ankle to the leg of the chair, and then repeated my actions on her left. Once I had her bound securely, I stood and went back to the bed, finally retrieving the small leather whip from the box before returning to stand before her.

"So..." I began in a dark voice as I walked slow circles around where she sat. "You are mine now. Your body, your voice—it all belongs to me. You will speak when I tell you to; you will move when I tell you to; and if you disobey me, you will pay the price. Do you understand? You may speak..."

"Yes," she breathed shakily. "I understand."

"Very good," I replied as I stopped to stand in front of her. "Now close your eyes."

She complied immediately and I watched as her eyes flitted nervously behind her closed lids, thrilled that she was so willing to go along with my scene. I bent slightly so I could run the tip of the whip from her foot to her knee, marvelling at the goosebumps that followed the trail I was making. I paused when I reached her mid-thigh, and drew a small circle before flicking my wrist and striking the sensitive inner flesh of her leg. Bella flinched and her breath hitched, but she didn't cry out.

I continued to drag the whip up her leg until I reached the apex of her thighs, where I ran the small leather tip through her wetness before I snapped it back and struck directly onto her clit. Her whole body jerked and a small whimper escaped her throat this time, but when she licked her lips and clenched her eyes tightly to tame her desire I knew she was okay for me to go on.

I continued to tease her with the whip, dragging it up her belly and flicking both her hard nipples, then up her throat and to her face, where I gently tapped her cheek before continuing my trail back down. I repeated my circuit several times, until her cheeks were red with pent-up lust and her breathing was laboured and erratic.

Deciding it was time to put both of us out of our misery, I tossed the whip to the floor and knelt between her knees, pressing them open to allow my face access to her wet and swollen pussy. Her hips bucked forward as I ran my tongue once over her moist lower lips, and I immediately pulled my face back to chastise her.

"I didn't say you could move," I told her gruffly, and her face scrunched up in effort as she forced herself to remain still.

Satisfied with her obedience, I used my thumbs to separate her folds and once again licked from her entrance to her clit. Her sweet musky taste washed over my tongue and my cock immediately throbbed in response, wanting to be inside her soft, wet heat. I pushed back my lust and continued my ministrations on her sensitive nub, swirling my tongue in circles as I slid first one, then two fingers inside her and began moving them slowly.

Bella shuddered and her breaths came in ragged gasps as I felt her walls begin to constrict, and she threw her head back and whimpered desperately as an orgasm peaked within her. Her thighs quivered violently beside my head as she released on my hand, but other than her strangled moans, she didn't make a sound.

I pulled away from her now drenched pussy and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, then reached down to release her legs from their ties before moving behind her to pop the latch on handcuffs. Once she was free, I stood and walked back around to her front, and was surprised to find her eyes still closed.

I stared at her for a moment, shocked and proud at how diligently she followed my commands, and then it hit me like an aluminum bat to the head. I understood now why Bella had reacted so strongly to what had unfolded at The Hales' Halloween party. Neither of us had really known where we were going, but somehow, we were there. Sexually, we had become what our deepest desires had always begged for, and we _thrived_ on it.

I was her Dom, and she was my sub.

Swallowing thickly, I cleared my throat and told Bella she could open her eyes. She looked up and the unyielding trust that emanated from her gaze blazed through me and nearly set my heart on fire. I reached my hand out to her and she took it unquestioningly, standing from the chair and melting into my chest as I wrapped my arms around her.

"I am pleased," I said into her hair. "You played your role perfectly, and now I want you to make love to me."

Our lips met in a passionate kiss as we fell onto the bed, our arms and legs tangling as we pulled each other closer. She wrapped her thighs around my waist as our bodies finally joined, and I groaned at the sensation of her hot pussy perfectly stroking and sliding over my cock. We grabbed whatever skin we could find as we thrust our hips in rhythm, moving faster and faster as the tides of pleasure swelled in us both. With one final thrust, I sent us over the edge. Bella moaned my name repeatedly as we climaxed together before finally collapsing in a heap of slick and sweating limbs.

"Wow," I breathed after rolling over onto my back, where I lay staring at the ceiling with a satisfied grin on my face. "You're amazing, you know that?"

Bella giggled softly as she scooted over to wrap an arm around my chest and lay her head on my shoulder. I slid my hand under her neck and ran it down to the small of her back, pulling her even closer as she hitched her knee over my hip.

"You're the amazing one," she replied as we adjusted ourselves around each other, finally getting comfortable and relaxing into one another's embrace. "That was incredible, Edward. You were ... _gah_! I can't even describe how sexy you were. And the things you were saying... Augh! I almost burst into flames when you tied me to the chair and told me I was yours."

"Mmm," I hummed. "You bring it out of me. You just make me so insane with lust that I can barely control myself."

"Well, I like it best when you lose it," she said and I chuckled in response.

"Speaking of my losing it, did you really know what you were doing by stretching like that in front of me?" I asked, remembering suddenly how we began this whole evening.

Bella furrowed her brow and tilted her head back to look at me, answering, "No, but it seemed like the right thing to say at the time. What were you talking about anyways?"

"The 'Level Five Bondage' slide," I told her. "The woman in that picture looked just like you."

Her eyes went wide as she said in surprise, "What? Really? I didn't see that at all!"

I laughed lightly. "Hmm, I guess it was just me seeing what I wanted to see then."

We lay there peacefully for a while, Bella drawing lazy circles on my chest while I ran my fingers back and forth across her hips. I got lost in my thoughts, marvelling at how extreme things had gotten between us tonight, but somehow I couldn't stop thinking about how much more there was for us to explore, either. The tools, the toys, all the different scenes we could try—it seemed like now that I knew how amazing it could be, I wanted it all. How could I ask for more, though, when we had finally gotten to a place where we were both comfortable and fulfilled?

I glanced down at Bella, and immediately noticed the far-off, glazed over expression on her face.

"What's on your mind?" I asked quietly, and she started slightly in my arms.

"Oh, I was just thinking about everything that happened today. The class, the sex—it was all just so ... wow."

"Yeah," I agreed, before prodding into a new topic and hoping she would open up about what she was hiding before. "So what did you think about everything we learned today, anyways?"

She laughed uneasily. "It was ... interesting."

I chuckled. "Interesting—that's a good way to describe it."

"I don't know," she said. "It got me thinking about some things, but I decided it was better for me to forget about it."

My heart thumped a little harder in my chest as I wondered if she was referring to the examples of extreme BDSM we saw, but I was afraid to go there and potentially ruin everything we had finally managed to achieve. Neither of us seemed to want to say any more, so we went back to lying there quietly and lost in our own thoughts, until finally I couldn't hold it in anymore, and against my better judgement, asked, "What things?"

Bella took a deep breath but didn't answer immediately, so I brought my hand up and tilted her head to meet my gaze as I repeated, "What things?"

"It's really ... not important," she said, but I could see the conflict in her eyes.

"Yes it is," I argued gently. "Just tell me."

She shook her head and still refused to answer, but when I looked into her eyes again, it was obvious that her resolve was wavering. "Tell me," I insisted, my voice coming out more demanding than I intended it to, but it seemed to have finally done the trick.

Bella sighed in defeat and closed her eyes, pressing her face into my chest as she whispered, "I want more."

* * *

**A/N: I hope this chapter was worth the wait! Even though I suck at replying, reviews are the only payment I get for writing this story, so please leave me some love before you go! See you next week :)**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Hi everyone! Sorry this update is way behind schedule. This chapter actually needed a little work and that of course took way longer than I wanted it to! Also, this chapter was beta'ed way back the first time around, but not again this time. So if you see any mistakes or typos after my little fixes, please by all means let me know :)**

**DOUBLE WARNING: Remember this from chapter 1? _This story will contain themes and situations which may not be appropriate for all readers, including BDSM (Bondage, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism), the potential for graphic personal injury and physical pain, and coarse or offensive language._ If you didn't heed this warning before, now is your last chance. Ya got me? Okay. **

**Here we go...**

* * *

_**~ Chapter 18 ~**_

_**(Bella)**_

"Damn it!" I swore as I tripped over my own feet and the full basket I was carrying crashed noisily down the stairs. Freshly laundered towels spilled all over the dusty basement floor as I reached wildly for the hand rail, trying desperately not to add myself to the mangled heap below.

I managed to grasp the railing just before I tumbled down after the laundry, but my shoulder still connected painfully with the wall to my left in the process. I winced as the dull thud sent shock waves across my upper back and down my arm, annoyed with my clumsiness but relieved that my injuries weren't as bad as they could have been. _My God, I'm a menace. A living, breathing hazard to my own personal health and safety. I should be quarantined._

Grumbling and massaging my throbbing shoulder, I righted myself and carefully descended the stairs to gather my now dirty linens, tossing them angrily into the white plastic basket so I could carry it all back to the laundry room. Once I had them in the washing machine ... again ... I ascended the stairs one tread at a time and closed the basement door behind me.

_Yeesh._

Obviously, I was distracted; and it was having a detrimental effect on my physical well-being. So far today I had slammed my thumb in Edward's desk drawer, stubbed my toe on the foot of our bed post, hit my head on an open cupboard door, and banged my hip on the corner of our dining table. I needed to get my head out of the clouds and back to earth, before something else—something worse—happened and I landed myself in the hospital.

I couldn't help but daydream, though. After my impromptu discussion with Ms. Weber on Thursday evening, the last two nights had flown by and all I could think about was the appointment that Edward and I had with her this afternoon.

To say I was shocked when she offered to see us today wouldn't even come close to describing how I felt. I was _floored_. In all honesty, I didn't even really know what I was asking of her when I approached Ms. Weber in the empty classroom. But once I started talking, the words just tumbled out of my mouth and before I realized what I was saying, I had told her our entire sordid tale and asked her opinion on how we should progress from there.

She had eyed me speculatively for a moment, making me squirm and tremble where I stood, but then much to my surprise she pulled a business card from her tote bag and handed it to me, saying simply, "Saturday at three o'clock. Do not be late."

The card I held was a slick, shiny black, with nothing but an address printed on it in bold, white Gothic font. When I looked up at her in question, wondering where she was inviting us to and why, she'd glared back at me, resting her elbows on the desk and steepling her fingers as she leaned forward in her chair.

"You will either accept my help, or you won't," she said stiffly. "But this opportunity will not be extended again. Now, should I expect you at three o'clock this Saturday?"

I swallowed thickly and nodded, not wanting to miss this chance even though I was nervous about what I had just signed us up for.

"Very good, then," Ms. Weber had replied, and then she raised her eyebrows and tilted her head toward the door, silently telling me our conversation was over. I was dismissed.

I croaked out a 'thank you' and practically ran from the classroom, tucking the shiny black card into my purse before I emerged from the school to find Edward waiting for me in the car.

Initially, I had been too nervous to tell him everything that transpired between Ms. Weber and me, to the point where I even considered cancelling without him ever knowing. I knew I wanted this, _more _of this, so badly, but we'd come so far in the last few months and I honestly didn't want to rock the boat we had finally gotten afloat.

Then we had the most amazing sex of our lives, with Edward dominating me in ways I had only dreamed of until then, and I not only knew how perfectly suited we were for this lifestyle, but also how much more there was for us to explore. Still, I was afraid to let my secret out, fearing not only Edward's reaction, but the shame of breaking my promise to never push him again as well.

He coerced it out of me, though, and to my delight he was receptive and even excited about the idea. We were in ... and we were going all the way.

Now here I was, with a little over an hour until it was time for us to leave for the mystery location and whatever awaited us there, so flustered with nerves and excitement that I could hardly walk straight.

Edward wasn't faring any better, either. He hadn't sat still for more than five minutes all morning, and his constant pacing and fidgeting was starting to wear on my already frazzled state of mind.

The two of us were quite a pair.

I made my way into our bedroom and was surprised to find Edward there, frowning into the full-length mirror as he alternated holding two different neckties in front of him. He gave me a sheepish grin when he saw me reflected beside him, lowering his hands and tossing the ties onto the dresser to his left.

"I don't know what the hell I'm doing," he admitted with sigh. "I haven't been able to concentrate on anything at all today."

"I noticed," I said softly, wrapping my arms around his chest and pressing my cheek into his back. "If it's any consolation, though, I'm just as much of a wreck ... maybe more. I almost went head over heels down the stairs a few minutes ago because I can't keep my mind off of, well, you know."

Edward turned to face me and gave me a worried look, immediately going into 'doctor mode' even though he wasn't a practicing MD. I loved that about him. "What happened? Are you hurt?" he asked, running his hands down my arms as his eyes raked over my body, looking for any outward signs of injury.

"I'm fine," I said, smiling reassuringly and stepping forward to melt into his embrace. "I just tripped. You know me; I'm klutzy enough as it is without having something like this to steal my focus. I'm so excited it's all I can think about!"

Edward chuckled softly, resting his chin on the top of my head and pulling me tightly against him. "Me too. I wonder what's in store for us, anyway. I think it's the uncertainty that's killing me; I have no idea what to expect."

"Yeah," I agreed. "That's the scary part. With Ms. Weber ... who knows? Something tells me she won't put us through the wringer today, though. I think she's pretty serious about what she does and knows what she's doing. Besides, I wouldn't even consider going through with this if I didn't think we were safe with her."

"Of course not," Edward replied immediately. "I'm sure it'll be okay. And if it's not, we can always leave. It's not like she's _our _Domme; we don't have to obey her if we don't want to."

I giggled into Edward's chest, feeling his wiry muscles ripple under my face as he laughed along with me. "Good point. Let's just hope _she's_ aware of that fact too. I wouldn't want things to get ugly."

"I could take her," Edward said flippantly, earning another snicker from me, though I certainly didn't disagree.

Wrapping my arms even tighter around his back, I sighed at the feeling of his strong arms holding me. No matter what, I was always safe with Edward. He was my rock, and I never had to worry when he was beside me.

"Everything will be fine," he murmured after a moment, planting a soft kiss into my hair. "This'll be good for us; I'm sure of it."

I wholeheartedly agreed.

**x - X - x**

At exactly two-fifty-five we pulled up in front of an enormous, three-storey Victorian house. Its bright white exterior and perfectly tended lawn was not at all what I was expecting to find, so I double-checked the address on the card just to be sure we were at the right place.

"I guess this is it," I said to Edward, though I was having a hard time reconciling stern, rigid Ms. Weber with the beautiful, welcoming home before me.

We climbed out of the car and walked hand-in-hand up the winding, shrub-lined path. Even though it was late fall and the trees were mostly bare, there wasn't a single stray leaf or dead branch to mar the immaculately kempt grounds. The paint on the wood siding and large, wrap-around veranda was fresh and crisp, and there wasn't a crack or peel to be found on the burgundy painted trim. Rounded, potted topiaries sat on either side of the door, not a leaf or stem out of place though their season was nearly over.

Everything was in perfect order; maybe I could see Ms. Weber living here after all.

Edward glanced at me questioningly as he lifted his hand to ring the bell, giving us one last chance to back out before we encountered God-only-knew-what on the other side of the door. I raised my eyebrows at him in reply, silently putting his unspoken question back to him, and then I grinned when he shrugged and nodded with a crooked smirk.

"Let's do this," I said determinedly, eliciting a chuckle from Edward as he used his index finger to press the doorbell once.

A short melody chimed within the house as we stood waiting for an answer, and then the door swung open to reveal Ms. Weber as I had never seen her before.

I tried not to gape as I took in her unnaturally casual appearance. She was wearing a simple black turtleneck sweater, form-fitting dark-rinse jeans, and plain black socks without shoes. Her normally tight-coiled hair was loose and flowing freely down her back, softening her harsh features as it framed her face.

The stern look she was giving us was all too familiar, though. Ms. Weber eyed us speculatively from behind her thick-framed glasses before finally stepping aside and wordlessly ushering us in. Edward and I stood there awkwardly as she closed the door with a heavy click, neither of us daring to step further into the house without her direct invitation.

Casually attired or not, Ms. Weber was still plain scary.

So much so, that I was shocked when she turned to us with a polite smile adorning her usually rigid face.

"I trust you had no trouble getting here?" she asked conversationally, looking back and forth between us. Her voice was still strong and clear, but rather than her usual authoritativeness, she actually sounded ... friendly.

At a complete loss for words, I opened and closed my mouth several times until Edward finally came to my rescue. Clearing his throat first, he replied, "No, we found the place quite easily ... uh, thank you."

Ms. Weber nodded once and then gestured for us to follow her. "If you would please remove your shoes, I'll show you around before we head downstairs," she said, the tone of her voice still belying everything I thought I knew about her. It was like we were in the presence of Angela rather than Ms. Weber; a side of her personality that I had never even considered before.

We left our shoes on the pale Oriental rug in the foyer and then padded silently after ... Angela.

Her home was stunning. Colourful artwork hung on light beige walls with crisp white trim and mouldings. The furniture was traditional and subtly ornate, with several antique pieces scattered amongst the collection. Each room was tastefully decorated and spotlessly clean, with everything coming together to blend seamlessly with the time period of the house.

Angela engaged us in casual conversation as we made our way through the first floor and onto the second, talking about the history of the building and occasionally commenting on a piece of artwork or furniture. The whole situation was surreal ... and more than a little unnerving. Edward and I would respond when necessary, but it was clear that neither of us were entirely comfortable in her alter-ego's presence yet. If Angela noticed or was bothered by our hesitant acceptance of her though, she didn't make it known. I wondered if she was used to this kind of reaction and knew that it would take time for people to warm up to this kinder, gentler side of her. Ms. Weber was cold as steel, after all; there was no getting close to _her_.

We finished our tour of the second floor and climbed up to the third: a small, sparse room with a sloped ceiling and only one small, shuttered window. There was a single bed made up in dark grey linens against one wall, a three-drawer dresser and a tall wardrobe opposite it ... and nothing else. The walls were a light shade of cream and completely bare, spare for a tiny picture of a grand oak tree hanging at the head of the bed. There were no carpets to take the chill from the hard floorboards beneath our feet, and even the air seemed cold and uninviting.

The room gave me the creeps.

An eerie tingle crept up my spine as we passed a door to what I assumed was a closet, making my stomach tighten into nervous, twisting knots. I stared at the unassuming, six-panelled door for a few seconds, wondering why a closet would need a large, black padlock secured on the outside, when a thought suddenly occurred to me.

"Where's Benjamin?" I asked before I could stop myself, realizing the instant the words left my mouth what a stupid question that was to ask.

Angela's head whipped around and her fierce, icy glare left absolutely no question in my mind: I was dealing with Ms. Weber now. Kind, gentle Angela had disappeared the instant I overstepped my bounds and inquired about something that was absolutely none of my business.

I understood now, though. The two of them were not like Edward and me, or any other couple I'd ever known, for that matter. Domination and submission wasn't just a sexual thing for them ... it was their _life_. Benjamin belonged to her and her alone. She _owned_ him. I had no right to ask about him without her permission.

I backed against Edward's chest as she regarded me harshly, and was glad when he wrapped his arms around me protectively. The thick tension around us was stifling as Ms. Weber stared at me with narrowed, calculating eyes. I wondered briefly if my mistake was bad enough to get us thrown out, but then much to my surprise she turned to face me fully and actually answered my question.

"He is being punished," she replied in a clipped, sharp tone, and then she led the way from the room without another word.

Edward and I gaped at each other as we watched her rigid frame descend the narrow staircase. Not that we'd had any idea what to expect anyway, but this appointment was turning out to be more bizarre than either of us could have imagined. I was positively dumbstruck by everything that was unfolding around us, and now more than a little curious about what was still to come.

Not wanting to provoke any further ire, we hurried after Angela, or Ms. Weber; I wasn't sure anymore. We followed her back down to the main floor, where she unlocked and opened another padlocked door, and then down another flight of stairs to the basement.

I gasped when she flicked the lights on, bathing the room before us in soft, dim light.

_This_ was exactly what I had been expecting Ms. Weber's house to be.

Black velvet panels draped floor to ceiling around the entire room, giving the space a dark, cave-like feel. Torch shaped sconces dotted the walls every two or three feet, interspersed with pewter-framed, black and white pictures of people in various stages of BDSM sexual play. Deep, black leather couches faced each other in the center of the room, with ornate, silver-leafed coffee and end tables completing the setting. Glass cases holding tools and toys I had never even dreamed of sat along the far wall, with his-and-her mannequins dressed in scant, studded leather outfits standing in one corner.

Edward and I stopped a few feet into the room and just stared incredulously, scanning the room left and right as we took in every startling detail.

Ms. Weber turned back to us once she reached the furniture arrangement, smirking in obvious amusement at the shocked looks on our faces. "Welcome to the Domination Den," she said with a wicked gleam in her eyes. "Come sit. We have a few things to discuss before we get started."

We walked forward dumbly and sank onto the far couch, while Ms. Weber perched lightly on the one across from us. She tilted her head to the side as her eyes flitted back and forth between Edward and me, most likely trying to gauge our reactions to her announcement.

I didn't even know _what_ to think. My mind was reeling as I tried to retrace the steps that had brought us here today. I could honestly say that the last thing I expected from this appointment was to be invited into their BDSM club. I thought she was maybe going to give us some advice on exploring the D/s lifestyle, schedule us for some sexual therapy sessions, or just load us down with literature on the subject.

But_ this_?

I couldn't even comprehend what we were doing here. Joining the Domination Den was so much more than I'd expected. It was so much more than I ever dreamed possible for us.

More.

I had told Edward I wanted more ... and I sure as hell was getting it.

What did he think about all this, though?

I glanced over and found him staring off into space, chewing the corner of his bottom lip absently with his unmoving eyes narrowed in contemplation. He caught me looking at him and turned his head slightly in my direction, winking and giving me a small, crooked grin.

My heart stuttered in my chest. _We were in_. I smiled excitedly at him in return.

Taking our silent exchange as her cue, Ms. Weber cleared her throat to draw our attention and then said, "Our organization is probably not what you think it is. We don't swap partners or have orgies and sex parties. Simply put, we are a group of people who share a common interest, and we meet regularly to discuss and share ideas, practices, new products and the like. Now, I want to be clear that while we are engaged in meetings or activities within the Domination Den, but _only_ within the Domination Den, I am your peer. You may call me Angela and you are free to talk to me or ask questions at your will. Nothing is taboo or off-limits within these walls. We are all very open and willing to share intimate details about our lives, and as one of us, we expect you to do the same." She paused and looked from Edward to me. "Does this interest you?"

We glanced at each other briefly, both of us already knowing the answer, and then turned our eyes back to meet hers. "Yes," Edward answered while I nodded my assent.

"Very good, then," Angela replied, a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth. "So, with that out of the way, let's get to the main reason you two are here. From my short conversation with Bella the other night, I gathered that aside from what you have learned in my class, you two are relatively new to the BDSM lifestyle, but looking to delve a little deeper into D/s sexual role play. Is that correct?"

"Yes," Edward said again, and I couldn't help but feel excited to hear the affirmation come from his mouth. I loved knowing that he wanted this as much as I did. Somehow, that made it all so much better for me.

"Okay. Well with that in mind, I have come up with a scene that, if you are willing, you may play out in our chamber down the hall. I believe it to be a small step above what you have already explored on your own, but also a good place to start with furthering your experience as you discover what level you as a couple are most comfortable in."

My heart leapt into my throat as she explained what she was offering to us. Could we really do this? Here, in her home? One look at Edward's wide, lust-filled eyes was all the answer I needed. Yes. Yes we could.

There was paperwork to fill out and waivers to sign before we were actually ready to get started, but all too soon Angela was leading us down a short hallway to a heavy, black-painted wooden door. She inserted a skeleton key into the old fashioned lock, turning it with a loud click and then stepping back to allow us entrance into the room.

My eyes raked over the dark, wood panelled walls, the long, narrow table with several different types of whips and other toys, and the small drain in the cold, bare, concrete floor. What really caught my attention though, were the shackles hanging from the ceiling in the center of the room. Just knowing they were for me sent a shiver of longing up my spine.

"As discussed," Angela began, "you are free to make use of any of the tools you see here, as well as the restraints I have set up for you. Everything has been cleaned and sterilized as required, so you need not worry about the cleanliness of our equipment. This room is sound proof, but there is an intercom just beside the door should you require assistance at any time, as well as a panic button in case of emergency," she said, pointing to a small, white box on the wall and the bright red button beside it. "Please note that this is a two-way intercom, and while I don't make a habit of listening in on my clients, I do reserve the right to should I deem it necessary. I would also like to remind you that excessive bodily injury and bloodshed is prohibited, and will result in your immediate dismissal from The Den. Do you understand everything I have just told you?"

We agreed and she left the room with a final nod, shutting the door behind her.

Edward immediately turned to me, and the fire blazing in his emerald eyes nearly brought me to my knees. I licked my lips and tried to still my trembling hands as he looked me up and down hungrily, but the raging desire his gaze had awoken in me was almost more than I could bear. I needed him to touch me; to hurt me; to pleasure me. I needed him to dominate me. Now.

I stood there silently as Edward regarded me, wanting so desperately to reach out and bring him closer, but I knew my role didn't allow that. The sub had no say in how or when things happened. I was at his mercy now.

After a few agonizingly long minutes, Edward finally cocked his head to the side and asked, "Who does your body belong to?"

I knew the answer but didn't reply, remembering his instructions from the other night. _"__You are mine now. Your body, your voice ... it all belongs to me. You will speak when I tell you to; you will move when I tell you to; and if you disobey me, you will pay the price."_ He didn't tell me I could respond, so I held my tongue.

Edward's mouth twisted into a smirk at my silence. "Very good," he praised, making my heart beat faster and butterflies dance in my belly. "This time you may answer. Who does your body belong to, Bella?"

"You," I said immediately.

"That's right; you belong to me. Today, though, I also own your pleasure. You will only climax when I tell you to, and any orgasms you have without my permission will result in punishment. Do you understand? You may answer."

"Yes," I replied, but my stomach flipped nervously. The man obviously didn't know his own talent. Holding back orgasms when Edward was doing deliciously wicked things to my body would be near impossible. I wondered what exactly my 'punishment' would be if I unintentionally disobeyed.

"Strip," he commanded, not wasting any more time on formalities.

My hands immediately went to the buttons on my shirt, popping each one through its hole and then letting the garment slide from my arms. I removed my pants and socks next, and then my bra and panties, leaving them in a pile beside me as I stood naked and shivering slightly in the cold air.

Edward walked up and ran a finger from my bellybutton to my right nipple, pinching the hardened flesh as his lips brushed my ear. "Good girl," he whispered, his hot breath raising goosebumps on my neck.

I watched as he walked to the table, running his hand along the outer edge as he selected his first tool. Picking up a leather flogger, he came to stand beside me and wrapped an arm around my waist, pushing me forward slightly as he held me against his chest.

"Are you my good girl, Bella?" Edward asked.

I kept quiet.

"Or are you my bad girl?"

Again, I didn't respond.

"It's an interesting paradox when the good girl wants the bad girl's punishment," he continued, dragging the tips of the flogger's leather fingers up and down my spine.

It was all I could do to remain upright at that point. My knees were shaking so violently with barely contained need that didn't know how they were managing to hold me. Luckily, I had Edward to lean on and support some of my weight or I was sure I would have ended up on the floor.

"What's even more interesting still," he went on, seemingly oblivious to my tremors, "Is how the punishment and the reward amount to the same thing in your case. I think we need to do something about that."

Oh God. What did that mean?

"Any disobedience between now and when we leave here will result in five spankings with the paddle. You will receive four warm-up spankings with my bare hand to prepare your bottom beforehand, for a total of nine strikes. Understood?"

Warm-up spankings to prepare my bottom? Edward had been doing his homework.

Was he _serious_? Holy hell. Somehow the idea of him really, truly chastising me for disobeying him was a complete and utter turn on. I relished the thought of him having such stern control over me. I wanted to be good for him and earn my rewards, while I definitely _didn't_ want five strikes with the paddle.

I was so surprised by his statement that I almost answered but caught myself at the last second. How ridiculous would it have been to earn my very first real punishment by simply answering without permission when he asked me if I understood my new punishment? Good Lord; I was getting so worked up I could hardly think straight anymore. He needed to get on with things before I got myself in trouble.

"You may respond, Bella," Edward said. "Do you understand the terms of your new rule?"

"Yes."

"Very good," he replied. "And what happens to good girls? You may respond."

"They get rewarded," I breathed, silently begging him to do something—anything—to me.

"They get rewarded," Edward repeated, and then he slapped the flogger against my back.

The sharp sting as the leather fingers hit my flesh turned quickly to pleasure that pulsed between my legs. He struck me again slightly lower, and then again lower still, making his way down my spine to my rear.

I bit my lip to keep from crying out, but Edward wanted otherwise. "Let me hear how much you like it," he said huskily. "Let me hear how much you want it."

I could feel his erection pressed against my leg as it strained within his pants, so I knew he liked this just as much as I did. That just made me want it even more.

"It's so good," I panted. "It's so fucking good!"

Edward groaned in my ear and brought the flogger against my behind several more times before tossing it behind him and pulling me upright to face him. He pressed his mouth forcefully against mine, his tongue slipping between my lips immediately as his hands held my head securely.

I was just getting into the kiss when he pulled away, his eyes alight with excitement. He led me to the center of the room, where he raised one arm above my head to secure it in the shackle. The cuff was stiff but lined with something nubbly and soft so it wouldn't chafe my wrist. I tugged a little to see if my hand could slip free, but no, I was bound tight.

My shoulder protested slightly when Edward lifted my left arm, reminding me of my near tumble down the stairs this afternoon. I rolled it slightly as he slipped the thin strap through the buckle and pulled the cuff tightly around my wrist, but it didn't bother me any more than a dull ache so I didn't think it was worth mentioning.

Once I was secured, Edward stepped back and took a deep breath, his gaze once again raking over my naked form as I stood bound and vulnerable before him. He licked his lips as he began unbuttoning his shirt, his eyes never leaving mine as he let it fall to the floor and moved on to his pants.

I watched hungrily as he undressed, every inch of my skin screaming for his touch. I hoped that whatever he planned to do, he wouldn't make me wait too long for release, because my clit was throbbing so desperately with need that it hurt.

The instant his underwear fell to the floor, Edward came forward and pulled me against him, once again attacking my lips with his own. He kissed me passionately, almost frenzied, as he ran his hands down my back to my rear. Gripping my still tender flesh violently, he pulled me up to straddle his waist, letting the shackles support the weight of my upper body as he immediately plunged himself inside me.

I gasped as a plethora of sensations rocked through me: tension as my arms were pulled taut against their restraints; a slight throbbing in my left shoulder and a wonderful stretch in my right; pain on my backside as Edward's fingers dug further into my skin; and sweet relief as I finally felt him where my body craved him most.

A cry of pleasure escaped me as he thrust forcefully between my legs, making me bite my lip to keep from earning a reprimand; I didn't know if I was still allowed to be vocal. I choked back another moan as my orgasm built steadily within me, hoping desperately that I would be able to contain it until Edward told me to let it go.

Immobilized and unable to actively take part in the situation, I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, letting everything I was feeling take hold as my climax rose closer and closer to the surface. I was starting to get worried that it would burst forth without my being able to stop it, but then I heard Edward grunt and knew that he was nearing his release too.

"Open your eyes, Bella," he growled at me. "I want you to look at me when we come."

I raised my head and locked my gaze with his, the fiery passion in his stare nearly melting my skin from my bones.

"Who owns your body?" he demanded. "Answer me!"

"You do," I replied breathlessly, meaning it with every fibre of my being. He owned everything: my heart, my body, and my soul. I gave it all to him willingly.

"Say it again," he ground out. "I want to hear you call my name as pleasure takes you."

"You do," I repeated, louder this time. "I'm yours, Edward ... only yours."

Sweat dripped down his face as he pounded furiously against me, bringing my orgasm to the point of no return.

"Edward, I... I..."

"Come with me! Now!" he exclaimed, grunting as he spilled himself inside me.

My release crashed through my body like a landslide, radiating from where Edward and I were joined and sending shockwaves through my limbs to the very tips of my fingers and toes. I thrashed against my bounds, calling his name over and over as the pleasure took me, until a searing pain in my left shoulder brought it all to a screeching halt.

White light exploded in front of my eyes as agony like I had never known seared through my arm and across my back, my cries of ecstasy quickly turning to screams.

"Meadow!" I shrieked. "Meadow!"

* * *

**A/N: *takes a deep breath* Okay, let me have it...**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Um... I'll just see you at the end. *bites lip nervously***

* * *

_**~ Chapter 19 ~**_

_**(Edward)**_

Meadow.

It was a pleasant word; one that rolled smoothly off the tongue and evoked images of warm sunshine, lush green grass, fragrant wild flowers, and the tranquility of a light breeze whispering softly through the trees.

It was a word that served to remind me of one of the most beautiful moments of my life: the first time I made love to the only woman I would ever want. I became whole that day, as Bella and I gave ourselves to each other in the peacefulness of our own private sanctuary.

Our meadow.

Every time I heard it I couldn't help but smile, because that simple word reminded me that I was hers and she was mine. We were one in each other, as I had dreamed we would be since childhood. If I had her, I was complete.

It was a word that had always held a special place in my heart, until it was hurled at me like a thousand fiery spears and everything I loved about it was reduced to ash.

"Meadow! Meadow! Meadow!" Bella screeched frantically.

It was a word I never wanted to hear again, even if I lived until the end of time.

My insides turned to ice as I stood frozen in horror, listening to Bella's anguished cries and watching tears flow freely down her face. I had no idea what was happening. One second we were climaxing as untamed pleasure took our bodies, and then the next she was screaming in pain while repeating our safeword over and over.

"Bella? Bella! What happened?" I asked in a panic.

Her legs were still wrapped around me but I didn't dare release her until I knew what the issue was; I didn't want to risk making anything worse. The best I could do was try to support her weight against me by sliding my forearm under her ass and steadying her back with my free hand. Even that tiny movement seemed to cause her further distress though, so I held my breath and stood still as possible while I waited for her to answer.

"My arm! My ... my shoulder!" she gasped, her voice choked and rife with agony. "It's on _fire_! Get me down! Get me _down_!"

I looked up to the shackles that held her wrists, following her arms down to her shoulders and immediately noticing that one was hanging lower than the other.

_Holy fuck, she's dislocated it._ This was bad. Really, really bad. She needed to get to the hospital right away.

"Bella, I'm going to set you on your feet now, okay?" I said calmly and clearly, even though I was being consumed by terror on the inside. How the hell did this even happen?

She nodded and I began to slowly unfurl her from my waist, cringing every time she moaned or cried out in pain. Thankfully, the chains were long enough that once she was standing her arms hung loosely in the air and didn't add any additional stress to her injury. I exhaled a small sigh of relief. It wasn't much, but I would take whatever shred of good fortune the universe offered me at this point.

"Okay, I'm going to release your arms now," I told her, looking straight into her wide, terrified eyes. "You're doing really well, Bella. I'm so proud of you."

She half sobbed, half laughed as more tears spilled over onto her cheeks, and then nodded for me to continue.

I unlatched the cuff from her right hand first, and then took a deep pull of air before moving to her left. As carefully as I could, I slid the thin leather strap through the small buckle, grasping her wrist with one hand before the cuff came completely loose.

We stood there breathing heavily for a second, both of us knowing what I had to do next and how horrible it was going to be, but there was no avoiding it. I had to lower her arm to her side so we could get the hell out of here and get her the immediate medical attention she required.

"Are you ready?" I asked, placing my free hand on her uninjured arm for whatever small comfort I could offer. It felt like the most pathetically inadequate gesture for the circumstance. What else could I do, though? I would gladly have taken this on myself if it was possible, but it wasn't. All I could do was go through it all beside her.

Bella began to sob in earnest as she anticipated the torment to come, but after a few seconds she licked her swollen lips and whispered wretchedly, "Okay."

Every fibre of my being hated this whole situation as I took a deep breath to steel my resolve ... and then guided Bella's arm in a wide half-circle until her hand eventually met her outer-thigh.

It was the most difficult ten seconds of my life. Her blood curdling scream would echo in my nightmares for eternity; I knew that I would never, ever forget that sound.

"Oh God, baby ... I am so, so sorry," I choked out as she collapsed against my chest, shaking and crying hysterically. "It's going to be okay, though. We just have to..."

I was interrupted when the door crashed open and Angela burst into the room, frenzied and slightly out of breath. "What the hell is going on in here?" she demanded angrily, slipping seamlessly into Ms. Weber mode. "The rules expressly forbid excessive use of..." but she trailed off when she saw that we were clearly in the midst of an emergency.

Her demeanour changed immediately. "What happened?" she asked, looking from Bella's face to mine. Concern was etched in every line of her sharp features, and if she noticed or even cared that we were wearing nothing but our skin, she didn't let it show.

"She's hurt ... badly," I replied quickly. "I need to get her to the hospital right away. Do you have a blanket I can wrap around her? I won't be able to get her fully dressed around the injury."

Ms. Weber nodded and then dashed from the room.

I turned my attention back to Bella, who was still sobbing and trembling in my arms. "I'm just going to put your underwear on, okay? We'll try your pants and socks too, but if it's too much, I'll stop."

"Okay," she ground out, her voice hissing through her clenched teeth.

I made sure she was steady on her own before lunging for her pile of discarded clothes a few feet away, grabbing her bottom pieces and then returning immediately to her side. She leaned her hip against my shoulder as I kneeled down to help her step into her panties, pulling them up her legs and then doing the same with her pants. I decided to forgo the socks, figuring she was covered enough for decency and not wanting to have to jostle her any more than necessary.

Ms. Weber returned with a dark-beige fleece blanket just then, wrapping it around Bella's shoulders and helping to support her while I dressed quickly.

"Are you taking her to Harborview?" she asked as I picked up Bella, cradling her against me with her injured shoulder to the outside.

I was already half way out the door when I realized I hadn't even considered that issue up until now.

I worked at Harborview.

Sure, it was a big hospital with many different departments and hundreds upon hundreds of staff, some of which I knew and some I didn't, but how was I going to explain what happened if Bella was being tended to by someone I saw regularly in the cafeteria? Would I tell the truth, consequences be damned? Or would I lie to save my reputation? Frankly, neither option appealed to me.

I decided within one second that it didn't matter immediately; what mattered was getting Bella there and taken care of as soon as possible. I could figure out how to handle the details on the drive over.

"Yes," I called over my shoulder, and then made my way up the stairs as carefully as possible.

Ms. Weber was hot on my heels as I reached the main floor and headed for the foyer. She ran past me to open the front door, holding it wide open so I could slip by without bumping any part of Bella on my way out. "I'll meet you there," she said as I hurried onto the porch and down the steps.

I didn't reply, not giving a damn what she did or didn't do at this point. All I cared about was getting to the hospital so Bella could be treated without delay.

Thanking my lucky stars that the Volvo had a remote starter that included the door locks, I leaned back to help support Bella against me so I could reach into my pocket and retrieve my keys. I pressed the button that unlocked the doors and then started the engine immediately after, not wanting to have to fumble with the ignition once we were in the car.

Bella cried out in pain when I slid her into the passenger seat and rested her limp arm in her lap, but it couldn't be avoided. I buckled her in and then ran around to the driver's side, jumping behind the wheel and speeding off without another thought.

"We're almost there, baby," I said as we flew through the streets, trying to reassure her as she whimpered and moaned in agony. "They can give you some morphine as soon as you're admitted, and then you won't feel it anymore. I promise."

The drive seemed to take forever, but in reality we arrived at the Emergency Room in a little under twenty minutes. I pulled the car into a staff parking stall just a few steps away from the ambulance bay and then removed Bella from the car as gently as I could, once again holding her against me as I ran in the sliding double doors and up to the admittance desk.

"I'm Dr. Edward Cullen from the Oncology Laboratory and Research Center," I told the receptionist hurriedly. "My wife has dislocated her shoulder and needs a bed immediately."

Annoyance surged through me when the frizzy-haired young woman smiled coyly and stared up at me through her eyelashes, not moving to page a nurse to accompany us into a room. Normally I could shrug off unwanted flirtations and advances, but this was just ridiculously inappropriate. 'Jessica Stanley', her name tag said. I would have to remember to talk to the hospital director and get this bitch fired come Monday.

"I said she needs a bed! _Now_!" I barked, and wasn't at all sorry when her face crumpled before she ran off in search of some assistance for us.

Within minutes she was back with the Head Nurse, Cynthia Cope, who thankfully knew me and led us directly into a curtained off area, where she helped to get Bella settled and drugged before she went to add her name into the queue. Cynthia soon returned to fill out Bella's chart while we waited for a doctor to become available, but to my intense relief she didn't ask too many questions or probe into the situation any more than necessary. I had already decided to be honest if need be, rather than attempt to hide everything only to have my efforts result in a domestic abuse investigation, but I was grateful nonetheless to not have to reveal the shocking details of our intimate affairs.

I stayed with Bella the entire time, holding her hand and whispering soothingly in her ear as the ER doc confirmed my diagnosis, citing her small accident on the stairs as likely predisposing her to injury, and then manipulated her shoulder back into place. The process seemed to go smoothly and without complication, but she still needed to be X-Rayed to ensure the reduction was successful and there were no bone fractures that would require further attention.

I walked down the hall to the waiting room as Bella was taken off to Radiology, and was surprised to find Ms. Weber and Benjamin sitting rigidly in the far corner. In all honesty, I had forgotten that the two of them even existed up until that point, having been so consumed by everything that was happening with Bella.

Ms. Weber's head snapped up and her eyes met mine as I made my way around the rows of chairs to where they were seated. I was taken aback by the unmasked fury in her gaze, and was even more shocked when she stood and stormed up to meet me half way across the room.

"How could you let this happen?" she hissed, stopping so that her face was inches from mine as she glared at me. "You've read my book. You've been in my class for months. You were accepted into the Den because I thought you knew the fundamentals of being a Dom. And yet here we are at the _hospital_ because you ignored the first and most important of your responsibilities!"

I was staring at her in a complete stupor while she raved at me, but then she paused and my brain caught up with her words.

"_Excuse me_?" I asked incredulously.

"Your number one charge as a Dom is to maintain the physical, mental, and emotional health of your sub and ensure they are capable of enduring any scene you engage them in!" she replied acidly.

"My number one charge as a Dom..." I repeated, rage beginning to bubble and rise within me.

"That's right! The health and safety of your sub should be your utmost concern at all times. If you knew Bella was not fit to participate in BDSM practices today, you never should have gone ahead with your activities! Allowing her to be shackled and suspended if she had any pre-existing conditions that could exacerbate the strain already placed on her body was irresponsible and dangerous. Your sub should always come first. Always!"

I exploded.

"THIS ISN'T A FUCKING GAME TO ME!"

Ms. Weber recoiled slightly as I yelled angrily, causing every person within earshot to turn and gape at us.

"This is not a fucking game," I repeated just as harshly, but more quietly this time. "Ensuring Bella's health and safety isn't just my responsibility as a Dom ... it's my responsibility as a _husband_. She always has, and always will, be my first and foremost concern. If I had thought for a second that she wasn't fit to carry out that scene today, you can bet your ass that I would have stopped it immediately. Nothing ... and I mean _nothing_ ... is more important to me than Bella. She isn't just my sub, she's my everything."

Ms. Weber was staring at me like I had just hit her over the head with a club. Her eyes were wide with shock as she opened her mouth to respond, but then she closed it again without saying a word. A flurry of emotion flashed across her face as we stood toe-to-toe, and then suddenly I understood.

In that instant I realized something intrinsically important about her relationship with Benjamin, something that was pivotal to how she related to Bella and me.

They weren't lovers.

They were a BDSM Domme/ sub couple ... and nothing more. There was no passion between them; no tender moments or sweet 'I love you's' before bed. They weren't best friends or soul mates or any of the other things that Bella and I had in each other. They were Ms. Weber and Benjamin in every aspect of their lives. It never got switched off with them.

Well. I'd be damned if I was going to let someone who didn't even know what love _was_ tell me that I wasn't taking proper care of my wife.

Never breaking our gaze, I took a small step back to indicate that I was done with our conversation. I had nothing more to say, and I certainly wasn't going to listen to anything more, either. Understanding my unspoken dismissal, Ms. Weber nodded and turned to snap her fingers at Benjamin, who stood and immediately came to her side.

"Please keep me informed of Bella's condition," was all she said before she led Benjamin away.

I watched them walk through the sliding glass doors and then collapsed into a nearby chair. My head was pounding and spinning after all the mayhem from today, and all I wanted was to get the okay to take Bella home so we could both get some much needed rest.

Thankfully, soon Cynthia Cope was calling me back into Bella's room and informing me that her X-Rays were clean and she was cleared to leave. We were sent on our way with a prescription for Percocet and instructions for Bella to wear a sling and limit movement of her arm for the first few days, but otherwise she was expected to make a fast and full recovery.

The drive from the hospital was quiet, and we both went straight to bed the moment we got home. Neither of us seemed to know what to say about everything that had happened, or maybe we just didn't need to say anything right now. I didn't worry about it; I was fairly certain we were on the same page about how to proceed from here, anyways.

We spent the next couple of days taking things slow and easy, with both of us taking time off work to recover both physically and mentally after Saturday's disastrous outcome. Other than Bella's aggravation at having to move so gingerly around her healing arm, things were light between us and our relationship didn't seem strained at all by what we had gone through.

Not that I expected it would be. In the last few months we had become so much closer in every way possible, and I couldn't imagine anything ever being grave enough to come between us. I was hers, and she was mine. Forever.

I spoke to Ms. Weber once after our showdown at the hospital, when I called the next day to let her know that Bella was doing fine and would have no lasting effects from her injury. She was pleased to receive this good news and asked that I pass her wishes for a speedy recovery on to Bella, and then we hung up without any further conversation. After that, I didn't expect to ever see or hear from her again.

It was a week to the day when Bella finally brought up the events that had brought our exploration of the darker side of sex to a screaming halt. I was initially reluctant to discuss things while she was still healing both physically and, I was sure, emotionally, but eventually relented when she assured me that she was more than fine to just talk.

"Okay," I said with a warm smile, setting my magazine down on the coffee table as she came to sit beside me. "Do you want to start or should I?"

"I will," she replied immediately, sinking into the couch cushions and letting her head rest against my shoulder.

"The floor's all yours," I told her, and she giggled before launching in.

"Alright, here's the deal, Edward. You and I both know that this was just an unfortunate accident." I hummed my agreement and she carried on. "So, with that in mind, I don't think that we should let this get in the way of our progress."

My stomach lurched in surprise; this was not at all what I was expecting to hear.

"We've discovered so much sexually in the last couple of months, so much more than that, actually," Bella continued. "And I think it would be such a shame to let that all go to waste just because of something that was beyond our control."

I opened my mouth to respond, but she began again before I could get a single word out.

"Okay, wait, that's not entirely true. I should have said something when I first felt something wasn't right about my shoulder, I'll own that. But obviously I had no idea that some slight discomfort was going to lead to such a nasty injury! I may like a little pain with my sex, but I'm not that much of a masochist!" she joked.

"Bella, I..."

"So, anyways," she said, not giving me a chance to say anything more. "I think that as soon as my shoulder is better and I get the all-clear from the doctor, we should pick up right where we left off. I mean, before I got hurt, everything you were doing was amazing! Ugh, and all that talk about 'real punishment'? I was so excited I could hardly stand on my own! We definitely need to explore that more."

"Bella..."

"Do you think Ms. Weber will be willing to help us out again after all this? She has to know it wasn't our fault, right? You talked to her just a few days ago, didn't you? What did she say? Are we allowed into The Den still? Maybe I should call her and tell her my side, you know, just so she knows..."

"Bella!" I said forcefully. I hated to raise my voice to her, but she was getting out of control. "Bella, you're not serious, are you? You still want to go back there?" I asked incredulously.

She sat up and looked me in the eye. "Of course I want to! Why wouldn't I? Don't you?"

"This isn't about what I want anymore," I told her, and I meant it. It didn't matter how much I wanted it or how right it felt for me to be her Dom. She came first. I had to ensure her safety. "Your arm was practically torn off the last time we involved ourselves in this business, and that simply isn't worth the rewards. I can't allow you to be put at risk like that again."

Bella's face went white as she soaked in everything I was telling her. "What... What are you saying?" she whispered, both her voice and bottom lip beginning to tremble.

"I'm saying that's it. We're done. No more bondage, no more whips, no more Lust for Life. We need to let this go; it's best this way."

"No!" she shouted, suddenly jumping to her feet. "No, not again. You tried to hold us back once, and look what we were missing! This is what we _are_, Edward. We need this!"

I knew the truth of her statement like my lungs knew how to breathe. We _were_ a Dominant and submissive, and I didn't know how we were going pick up and move on from that. Still, though, I had to do this. I had to do it for her.

"This is not up for discussion, Bella," I warned, the Dom in me beginning to rise to the surface even though we weren't doing anything sexual in nature. I had already made my decision, and I needed for her to accept it. "I don't want to hear any more about it."

"Don't," Bella pleaded. "Don't do this, Edward. Don't take this away when it's the best thing that's ever happened to us."

Visions of us in various states of role play flashed through my memory, nearly weakening my resolve. I could feel her soft flesh under my hand as I spanked her over our dresser. I could see the fiery lust in her eyes as I gagged her in the McCarty's spare bedroom. I could hear her voice in my head, crying out in ecstasy as we fulfilled every fantasy we'd ever had and reached heights of pleasure neither of us knew existed before. But I could still hear her tortured screams too, and as much as I wished they would fade away, those always echoed the loudest.

"I'm your sub," she said quietly, imploringly. "And you're my Dom."

"Not anymore," I replied, even though just speaking it was the blackest of blasphemies. Every cell within my body knew the lie as I tried to deny it. "I'm your husband and your lover, but I'm not your Dom."

"Yes you are!" she cried, tears welling up in her eyes. My heart felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. "I'm your sub, and you're my Dom. Listen to me, Edward! I'm your _sub_, and you're my _Dom_! That doesn't go away just because you don't want it anymore!"

I hated to hear her say that, hated for her to think I wasn't giving up exactly as much as she was, but I couldn't relent. I had to get her to let this go so we could try to move on.

"Fine!" I exclaimed harshly, knowing what I had to say even though I was sure it was the most horrible thing I would ever do. "You want me to be your Dom? Then this is me as your Dom, Bella. You are no longer to speak of us engaging in any form of BDSM. You may not suggest it, ask for it, or attempt to incite it in any way. Period. Any disobedience of this rule, no matter how small, will result in my immediate withdrawal from this relationship. Do you understand? You may answer."

My soul broke as I watched her begin to cry in earnest, but I knew this was for the best. Deep down she had to know that I only said it to bring closure to the situation, and I tried to convince myself that in time we could forget this all ever happened and find happiness in another avenue. It felt so incredibly wrong, but I had to believe it or I had nothing left.

"Answer me, Bella," I said, still firmly, but gentler this time. "Do you understand the terms of your new rule?"

She shuddered visibly as more tears began to fall down her face, but then she wiped them away with the back of her hand and licked her swollen lips before she replied. "Yes."

* * *

**A/N: *peeks out from behind fingers* Um ... yeahhh. Okay. This is all I'm going to say: Almost everything I write is a twist on canon somehow, and this story is no exception. Think about it. That is all. **

**Thanks for reading and reviewing! **


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Hello, dear readers. Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter! Real life has been being a bit of a bitch lately, so yeah :/**

**Anyhoo ... for those interested, I just posted a sweet little one-shot for the _Remember When This Was Fun_ Contest. It's a silly, funny, fluff-fest of cuteness titled _'Isabella of Lore'_ and might be a nice chaser to clear your palette of the angst we're facing here. That, and it would give me teh happehs for you to check it out :)**

**Okay, moving along!**

* * *

_**~ Chapter 20 ~**_

_**(Bella)**_

We went on.

Or at least, we tried to.

Snow blanketed the ground, Christmas came and went, and all the while Edward and I never spoke of the life he had forced us to give up. That didn't mean its residue wasn't hanging in the air like fog, though — it practically choked us.

Reminders of our forbidden past were everywhere: the office, our bedroom, the couch in the living room, Rosalie and Emmett's, the turn off to Ms. Weber's house that we passed nearly anytime we went anywhere.

Try as we might to ignore them, our Dom/sub roles were always there; simmering below the surface, restrained but never forgotten.

I didn't want to forget.

Dominant and submissive was who we_ were_, and as much as he pretended and denied it, I was sure that Edward knew it too. We couldn't go back, not now that we were aware of what lived inside us. BDSM was more than what we wanted; it was what we _needed_. Like two fish trying to make a home on dry land, living without what sustained us would only lead to our destruction. I wouldn't let that happen, though; neither of us would. We simply had too much to lose.

Surprisingly, or maybe not, our relationship stayed strong despite the blow our sex life had taken. Though our lovemaking now lacked the intensity and depth we had experienced through our Dom/sub roles, we remained unwaveringly committed to each other and our marriage. We tried to turn back the clock, to pretend that everything we had discovered in one another had never existed. We tried to make it work. But as the days and weeks went on, the painful truth became more and more obvious.

We got bored, or maybe we just got boring ... again. We rarely went out, except for the occasional shopping trip or monthly dinner at Edward's parents' house. We never rented movies or went to the theatre. Our friends continued to call and invite us to various outings and functions, but we didn't often accept. None of it appealed to us anymore.

Our life became a robotic routine of getting up and dressed, eating breakfast, going to work, coming home, sharing some light conversation over dinner, cleaning up the kitchen, and then finally going to bed. Once in a while we'd make love, but sex was dull now. Sure, there was love and physical pleasure to be had ... but something huge was missing, and we both knew it.

It was there as Edward's grip tightened painfully but then loosened on my wrists while he thrust above me. It was there as I bit my tongue to hold back the profanities that lit a fire in him, the ones I knew would earn me the spankings I craved. It was there in our eyes as we climaxed together, our locked gazes communicating what our mouths were forbidden to.

We wanted it.

We needed it.

Still, we tried to push it away.

Within two months we were barely speaking at all. Not because we were angry or drifting apart; simply, neither one of us had anything to say anymore. It was like the real Edward and Bella, the ones we had found through passion and lust, pleasure and pain, died the night BDSM was taken away from us. Now we were just shells going through the motions of living. Food lost its taste. Wine lost its warmth. We didn't laugh, we didn't cry, we didn't feel. Our whole world became dull and gray.

We still loved, though. Through it all, I never once considered leaving Edward, and I knew in the very depths of my heart that he would never leave me. Yes, he threatened to should I try to engage our lost lifestyle again, but I knew better than that. It was obvious to me what Edward was trying to accomplish as he handed down my final rule as his submissive. He had threatened to take away the one and only thing I couldn't live without: him. And though it hurt me more than any physical pain ever could have, I obeyed.

I had no other choice.

He was my Dom, and I was his sub. It was the simple truth, and I clung to it. If I refused to forget it ever happened, as Edward wanted me to, then it was still real. If I never let go, then maybe one day we could have it again. Maybe one day we could be whole.

Maybe one day ... he might forgive me.

_I should have told him. _That thought echoed through my head daily. His charge as my Dom was to ensure my wellbeing at all times during a scene, while my responsibility as his sub was to always be honest about what I was feeling both mentally and physically. But I wasn't honest. I let him down.

It was all my fault.

After many months of inner-reflection and soul-searching, I had finally been able to admit to myself how foolish I really was. It was difficult to for me to accept at first, because I had always considered myself to be a mature, well-rounded, rational person, but the more I thought about it, the more I came to realize the truth: I was an idiot.

The irony of it all was that as intelligent and highly educated as I was, I would never actually _think_ about the choices I made. As soon as I made a decision, I acted on it. I didn't stop to consider how my choices might affect me or those around me; I just went ahead with what seemed right at the time. Even if it was something I _knew_ wouldn't go over well with Edward or anyone else involved, I always did it anyways, even if no one else understood why.

My impulsiveness sure came back to bite me in the butt this time, though.

When I had first felt the ache in my shoulder as we were playing in the Den, I knew immediately that it was something that could pose a potential problem. The red flags and warning bells were there, but I refused to acknowledge them. I was so caught up in everything that was happening, in all my dreams and desires that were finally coming true, that nothing could have made me call a time out.

Well, nothing except having my shoulder pop out of its socket.

I still shuddered every time I remembered the sheer agony of my injury. But even so, that memory wasn't enough to deter me from my hunger for the Dominant I knew still lived inside Edward. He was there, chained and silenced, but he wasn't dead. I could more than sense his presence — I could _feel_ him with every fibre of my being. My Dom wanted out, desperately; he was just too scared to show his face again. His _real_ face.

And I finally understood why.

Edward wasn't just afraid of losing control and hurting me, he was _terrified_ of it. Even though we both knew the situation was not his fault in any way, he still felt responsible for what had happened. He blamed himself and his nature for bringing this upon me. In his mind, allowing us to engage in BDSM was what led to my injury, and if he just removed that risk from our lives, I would be safe.

It was a ridiculous conclusion considering I couldn't even walk down the street without potentially tripping on a crack, falling on my face, and knocking myself unconcious, but to Edward it was the only way.

Once I realized the truth behind his actions, I couldn't be angry or bitter with him. Edward was hurting himself as much as he was hurting me, and all the while doing it _for_ me. He was more willing to be broken and miserable, living as a ghost of a man, than he was to see me harmed in any way.

He hurt me emotionally because he loved me too much to see me hurt physically. I couldn't hold that against him; he truly thought he was doing the right thing. Only, he hadn't considered just how much losing him, even if it was emotionally rather than physically, would destroy me. How much it would destroy both of us.

All I wanted now was for him to come back. I wanted him to realize that being together as our true selves, not just as Edward and Bella but as Dominant and submissive, was worth the risk BDSM carried. We were nothing without each other, but we could be everything our very deepest desires wanted — if only he would allow us to be.

I couldn't tell him that, though, as desperately as I wanted to. For one thing, I was forbidden to speak of it, but more importantly, I wanted him to see it for himself. No coercion or manipulation; it had to be his decision. All or nothing.

So, I waited, trying to be patient, even though I was dying inside more and more every day. I tried to find other ways to fill the gaping hole in my chest, the one that opened up when my new life was abruptly taken away from me, but nothing could sew the wound shut.

Skydiving, pole dancing classes, erotic books: all of it could excite me for a while, but the thrill would never last. It vanished as soon as I stepped into our home and the stifling air of despair consumed me. It was gone the moment I looked into Edward's empty gaze as we said goodnight and turned away from each other to sleep. Nothing could take the place of the only thing, the only person, I wanted — the only thing I wasn't allowed to have.

Eventually I gave up, and I let the darkness consume me.

Edward fared no better.

Without each other, the world had nothing for us anymore.

**x – X – x**

I was surprised to hear the doorbell ring one Saturday morning in early March. We certainly weren't expecting company, and it was extremely unusual for any of our family or friends to drop by unannounced. Or at least it was now.

I looked away from the TV show I wasn't actually watching and over at Edward, who just stared back at me and shrugged. Damn it. The last thing I wanted to do today was talk, especially to some stranger trying to sell me God-only-knew-what that I quite honestly could not care any less about. With an annoyed sigh, I grudgingly got up off the couch and went to answer the door.

My heart nearly stopped when I saw who it was: Ms. Weber and Benjamin.

Other than the brief phone conversation Edward had had with her, we hadn't seen or heard anything from Ms. Weber since our disastrous first session in the Domination Den. What on earth was she doing here now?

It took me a moment to find my voice. "H-h-hello," I stuttered. "What... Um... Do you want to come in?"

"Thank you, Mrs. Swan-Cullen," Ms. Weber replied as she stepped into the house, followed closely by Benjamin. "I must apologize for our unexpected visit, however I was fairly certain this would be the only means by which I might gain an audience with you and Mr. Cullen."

"Oh. I, um... Okay." My mind was reeling. I could barely even understand what she was saying let alone form a coherent thought of my own. "Um ... why don't we go sit down? Edward's in the living room."

Ms. Weber nodded. "Yes, that would be fine."

They shed their jackets and boots and then followed as I led them around the corner and into our front room, where Edward was now sitting up straight in his chair, looking as shocked as I was to see who our company was. His wide eyes tracked them as they moved to sit on the couch, Ms. Weber crossing her long, stocking-clad legs and Benjamin sinking down beside her. An uncomfortable silence fell over the room as we all just stared at each other, waiting for someone to speak first. I wondered who it would be. Certainly not me, as I still had no idea what was going on, and I doubted it would be Edward, either — he looked like he was about to choke.

After looking back and forth between us several times, Ms. Weber let out a deep breath and began. "I'm sure you are both wondering as to the nature of my visit. Once again, I do apologize for dropping in on you without notice; I certainly did not mean to cause you any inconvenience. That said ... I hope I'm finding you both well?"

I opened my mouth and then closed it again, unsure of how to answer. Before I could try again, Edward snapped out of his stupor. "What do you want?" he demanded, his voice coming out deep and gravelly. I hardly recognized it anymore.

Ms. Weber didn't even flinch. "I do not want anything of you, Mr. Cullen. I simply came to inquire into your prolonged absence from my class. It did not escape my notice that since your first and only visit to the Domination Den, you have had no contact with me at all, professional or personal. Why is that?"

"_Why?_" Edward asked incredulously. "Are you kidding me? You came all the way here to ask _why_, when you know very well that my wife was terribly injured by ... by what happened that day?" He shook his head at her. "I would think the answer is obvious."

"No. No, it is not obvious," Ms. Weber countered. "While the injuries that Mrs. Swan-Cullen sustained during your activities in the Den are unfortunate, I do not see why they would lead you to walk away from your progress. As I understood from our last conversation, Mr. Cullen, she was expected to recover fully. Has she not?"

"I'm fine," I blurted out, startling even myself. Both their heads snapped around to look at me, breaking their tense standoff. I looked pleadingly at Edward before I continued. "My arm is healed. I have full use of it and it doesn't hurt anymore. Ever. I'm fine, and ... I'm not afraid to try again."

Edward swallowed thickly, his eyes straying down my neck to my shoulder before he turned back to Ms. Weber. "Even so, I'm not willing to risk that happening again. Bella's safety comes first."

Ms. Weber cocked her head to the side and she looked at Edward through narrowed eyes, almost as if she were seeing him clearly for the first time. "I understand that, Mr. Cullen, however I must ask: What is Bella's safety worth to you? Yes, you're protecting her from physical harm, but at what cost?"

Edward's face hardened and he leaned forward to glare at Ms. Weber. "Just what are you implying? That I should put my wife at risk for my own pleasure? That I should allow her to be in danger just so I can have what I want, consequences be damned?"

"Not at all," Ms. Weber said calmly. "I'm simply asking if you realize the full extent of your actions. You speak of consequences, but are you even aware of what you have caused by denying her, and yourself, this life?"

I swallowed thickly. How could she know how much we were suffering from the loss of BDSM? She couldn't; neither of us had spoken to her in months and we didn't have any mutual friends. Yet she read us like a book after being here for all of five minutes. Were things that obvious between us? Were we really as dead as we felt?

Edward recoiled like she had slapped him, briefly gaping at her before recovering and jumping to his feet. "Who the hell do you think you are?" he ground out through his teeth, fists clenching at his sides as his anger surged.

Ms. Weber was quick to stand, meeting his hard gaze with her own piercing stare. "I know exactly who I am!" she hissed. "The real question here is who are _you_?"

"_Excuse me_? How dare you come into my house and..."

"I dare to because in all my years of experience I have never felt or even seen what the two of you share," Ms. Weber cut in harshly. "You have something that most of us only ever dream of finding, and here you are throwing it away out of fear and uncertainty. Well, if you refuse to acknowledge it, then let me tell you exactly who you are, Mr. Cullen. _You are a Dominant_. No matter how much you may wish you weren't, you can't change that fact. It's in your very blood."

Edward took a step back, his nostrils flaring as some unseen battle was raging inside him. "No," he refuted, shaking his head almost frantically. "It may be who I am, but it doesn't have to be Bella's fate. I can't stand the thought of something worse happening to her. She can move on. She can find someone else to have a normal life with if that's what it takes. But she doesn't have to succumb to this. I won't let her."

"Edward!" I gasped, tears welling in my eyes as my heart began racing. "Edward, what are you talking about?"

"Maybe," he replied without looking at me. "Maybe you would be better off if I just ... disappeared. You could start over with someone else who wasn't..."

"NO!" I shouted. "No, I couldn't! All I want is you, Edward, exactly as you are. You don't have to deny what you are for me."

He shook his head again. "You don't want this, Bella! You may be okay now, but what if next time it's your neck? That can't be put back together again! If the only way we can be together is for you to be put in a dangerous situation again and again, then it'd be better for me to just walk away. I won't let you give up your life just to be with me."

"I have no life without you," I sobbed. "You're my everything."

"Oh for God's sake, man!" Ms. Weber exclaimed suddenly. "Take your head out of your ass so you can see what's right in front of you! Listen to what she's actually saying, not what you think you want to hear from her. She is your submissive just as much as you're her Dominant. You two were made to be together in this lifestyle. Your deep love and commitment to one another, your vigilant protectiveness and her unyielding trust — it was obvious to me from the first day I saw you in my class. Never in my life have I met another couple who were so perfect for a Dom/sub relationship. It's what you both need; so stop refusing to give in to it. Let yourselves be what you are."

Hot tears ran freely down my face as I watched Edward struggle with himself. If this didn't make him see, I didn't know what would. "Please, Edward..." I whispered. "You're my Dom, and I'm your sub."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them and looking from Ms. Weber to me. The pain in his gaze spoke louder than his words. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, and then he turned and walked out the door, taking everything I thought I knew with him.

* * *

**A/N2: To clear up any timeline questions that might arise: Chapter 19 took place in mid-November, and this chapter picked up at around mid-January. Things decline steadily for Edward and Bella as the first part of this chapter progresses, with Ms. Weber showing up at their house in early March. If anyone has any questions or would like further clarification, please ask! **

**Thank you, as always, for reading and reviewing! xoxo**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Well, there were mixed reviews to last chapter, (both now and the first time I posted it), which I fully expected and understand. The most important thing I want you all to remember is that this story is an all-human parallel to canon, which means that yes, it might be a little over the top in some instances, but it's meant to be. This is fanfiction, people. I also realize that not all of you are experienced or even comfortable with the BDSM lifestyle, so you may not understand the power that sexuality of this nature can hold over a relationship, even one that did not start out with this dynamic. I'm okay with that, and truly happy that you're even reading this hot-mess of drama at all. I only hope that through this story I might open your eyes to something that is very real for a lot of people. BDSM is _real_, and it can run so, so, _so_ much deeper than a little spank and tickle with your sex. **

**So, with all that said, I hope that everyone who is still reading at this point will stick with me to the end. We're getting close, my dears. Frighteningly, sadly, thrillingly close :)**

* * *

**~Chapter 21 ~**

**(Edward)**

Walking out on Bella was the very last thing I ever thought I would do. Yet in that moment, as I was forced to confront everything about myself that I had been determined not to face, it seemed like the only thing I _could_ do.

I left because I was just so ... conflicted.

Confused.

Completely and totally screwed.

My whole world was falling apart, and I had no idea how to put it back together. No matter what I did now, Bella was going to get hurt. So the question became: What mistake was I more willing to live with? Could I risk hurting her physically to spare her emotionally? Or would it be better if I just ... disappeared?

A ripple of panic shot through me as I even considered the latter option. The thought of spending the rest of my days without Bella made my very soul ache. The idea was so sickening to me that I was surprised I had even been able to utter the words to her earlier. Even faced with this dilemma, I didn't know how I would ever be able to walk away from my everything. Bella was my _life_. The only thing I did know was that I wouldn't last long if I chose that path.

Without my greatest reason for being, I was better off dead. I was half way there anyway...

The impatient blare of a car horn jolted me from the morbid turn my thoughts had taken. Dazed, I looked up at the green traffic light I was facing and then around me at the busy streets of Seattle. Good God, I was such a wreck that I had forgotten I was even driving. I needed to find somewhere quiet to sort out my head.

Cautiously, I drove ... and drove ... and drove. It wasn't until I reached the almost-hidden turn off onto the winding forest trail that I realized where I was going. Unconsciously, I had left the city and made the two hour highway trip to our cabin in the woods. I was surprised that my innermost mind had chosen here, of all places — we hadn't been out here in years.

I looked around in surprise as I pulled into the short gravel drive and brought the Volvo to a stop. I didn't even recognize the neglected, unkempt scene before my eyes. Turning off the engine and stepping out of the car, I swallowed thickly as the desolation of our once beloved second home washed over me.

We had made so many wonderful memories here, and now it was a wasteland. Dead weeds and knee-high grass poked up through the foot of snow that covered the path to the door. The paint was peeling on the screened porch and siding. As I waded through the drifts to inspect the back of the property, I found evidence of birds' nests and animal dens dotting the roofline and foundation. Finally, my heart sank at the sight of a large, fallen branch that was resting within a broken window around the far side of the small house. This place that we had once cherished was in ruin. How could we let this happen?

Sighing sadly, I continued back around to the front of the house and made my way to the weathered screen door. The hinges creaked and groaned as I pulled it open, and the loud _thwack _it made as I let it shut behind me echoed shockingly around the quiet. Startled, I held my breath as a flock of birds launched out of a nearby tree, but within seconds their wild flapping and squawking faded back into a peaceful — and eerie — silence.

I chuckled and shook my head at how on edge I was; the air of abandonment around here must be getting to me. Shaking off the last of my anxiousness, I made a quick scan of the front porch before fishing the keys from my pocket and readying myself for how I would find the inside. I was mildly surprised that the key still worked in the lock, or that it hadn't been broken off so thieves could make off with the few belongings we had left out here, but the latch turned smoothly and the door swung in without protest.

My heart beat a little faster and my palms tingled with sweat as I stood in the threshold and let the stale, musty air of four long years hit me. It smelled awful, but underneath the stench was the faint aroma of something sweet, and floral, like lavender. My heart clenched. _Bella._ Even after all these years, her essence still clung to the walls, the furniture, the floors; she was in the very breath of this place.

I closed my eyes as a wave of despair crashed into me, threatening to bring me to my knees. Why was I here, alone with only memories of the woman I loved, when she was within my reach, waiting for me to step up and be the man she needed? The man I wanted to be; the man I _was,_ if only I would allow myself to indulge him.

How though? How could I subject her to a life of risk and danger just so we... No. I couldn't, and neither did I want to think about that right now. I had other demons to confront, and they were waiting for me in every room of this cabin.

I stepped inside and closed the door behind me. I had to do this.

Immediately to my left was the kitchen, so I decided to start there. The first thing I did was open the window, letting in the cold but fresh air. Everything was still in its place in the cupboards, and thankfully we hadn't left any food to rot or attract bugs. The refrigerator was a different story though. Even though it had been emptied before we left the last time, four years of trapped lingering odours had worked their way into the plastic and would never let go. There would be no saving this thing; it would have to be replaced.

Next, I went past the small dining table with matching chairs tucked neatly underneath it, and into the living room, which looked exactly the same as I remembered. Layers of dust clung to every surface, but other than that, everything was neat and in order. I ran my hand along the back of the couch as I walked further into the room, thinking back to all the times we had snuggled up and put on a movie, only to end up making love and then falling asleep in each other's arms while it played on.

The fireplace was another reminder of cozy nights spent together, as were the tall shelves of Bella's books: the ones she would read to me as we lounged on the plush rug, drinking wine and listening to the soothing crackle of the flames. We would usually end up making love there too, with the heat of the fire making us sweat as our bodies said what words never could.

Frowning, I turned away before my heart could get punched in the nuts any more. I still had more rooms to go, and I didn't want to break down before I finished this. There would be plenty of time for that later.

Swallowing that somber thought, I made my way down the short hallway, past the bathroom where we would shower together every morning, and into the spare bedroom. Nothing had changed in here either, except for the thick dust and cobwebs that now defaced the furniture. One corner of my mouth perked up as I recalled that no one had ever stayed in this room. As newlyweds, Bella and I had been so absorbed in one another that it never occurred to us to invite anyone to visit. For a moment that seemed like a shame, but my smile grew as I was reminded that just because we'd never had any guests, that didn't mean the bed wasn't well broken in.

With an amused snort, I opened the window as far as it would go and then crossed the hall to our slightly larger, but still modest, master bedroom. I was still grinning as I stepped through the doorway, but any levity I felt after leaving the last room died the instant my gaze focused on the sight before me. My eyes burned and my chest throbbed painfully as I was bombarded with images of all the happiness we'd shared here.

Long nights of passion and pleasure, mornings spent wrapped up with one another, breakfast in bed, lazy afternoon conversations, tickle wars and pillow fights — we'd had at all. Now it was just empty. Void of any fun or laughter. It was lifeless ... just like we had become.

I couldn't take it. I was down the hall, through the living room, and past the kitchen in a flash, gasping at the cool, crisp air as I burst through the patio door and into the bright sunshine of a late-winter afternoon. Gasping for breath, I stood hunched over with my hands on my knees until the world stopped spinning and the wave of nausea had passed.

Why was I doing this to myself? I had to get out of here.

I all but ran to the car, but when I got in I couldn't bring myself to drive away. I wanted to, really, really badly, but I couldn't. I just sat there, holding the keys in the ignition and looking back at the house and everything we once were. I couldn't walk away from this place, no more than I could walk away from Bella. I understood that now. I just had to figure out how to fix things.

Fix things...

I didn't know how I was going to fix _us_ yet, but I could certainly start here.

Stepping back out of the car, I walked determinedly up to the house and let myself in again. The stale, musty air of abandonment accosted me once more, but this time I ignored it and focused on the lingering perfume of Bella instead. I had a plan. I would scour this place clean of all that belittled the memories of happier times. I would make this house a home again. A place where we could make _new_ memories. Somewhere we could start over, and do things right this time.

I hung my jacket in the small closet by the front door and pushed up my sleeves, the chill of the cold house immediately making me shiver. Luckily we'd never bothered to have the electricity cut off, so after relighting the pilot light in the furnace, I went and turned up the thermostat. The smell of burnt dust nearly choked me as the warm air began flowing from the vents, but I had to endure it; I needed heat to survive here.

Now ... where to begin? The dust was nearly half an inch thick in some places, so I decided the best place to start would be with a good vacuuming. After finding the hose and attachments in the spare bedroom, I set to work and vacuumed ... and vacuumed ... and vacuumed. It took four hours to cover every square inch of dusty surface, but when I was done I immediately felt the change in the air.

Slowly, bit by bit and room by room, our second home was coming back to life.

Next I decided to tackle the bathroom, because if I was going to be staying here, I would definitely need the facilities. I wasn't entirely sure what to expect when I tried the taps in the small white sink, but to my relief the faucet spouted water after just a few clanks and groans. The water looked reasonably clean and clear so I figured it was good enough for cleaning; I would have to arrange to have some fresh stuff trucked in for drinking and cooking, though.

It took a lot of scrubbing to get the bathroom to sparkle to my satisfaction, and when I finished I was absolutely starving. The problem with this was going to be finding food. At nearly eight o'clock on a Saturday evening, any nearby small-town grocery store would be closed, and it was much too far for a run to the city, especially at this hour.

Sighing in resignation, I washed my hands, put on my coat, and made the twenty minute drive to a nearby all-night truck stop. I ordered a cheeseburger and fries to go, and picked up a few staples — bread, peanut butter, coffee, some bottled water, toiletries, and a few extra cleaning products — in the adjoining convenience store while I waited. The young, platinum blonde-haired waitress licked her lips and eyed me seductively as she rang up my meal, making my blood nearly curdle with annoyance and revulsion.

There was only one woman in the world I wanted to look at me that way, and right now she was probably burning all of my clothes in our front yard. God have mercy; I was going to have to call Bella. Tonight. I wanted to talk to her so badly, but what the hell was I going to say?

I spent the drive back to the cabin thinking about everything I needed to tell her. There was so much, but unfortunately my confusion about how to move forward from here meant that most of it contradicted the rest of it, and all I was left with by the time I arrived 'home' was a grovelling apology.

Begging her forgiveness seemed like the best place to start, anyway.

I ate my dinner at the small dining table and then wiped it and the kitchen with the disinfecting spray and paper towels I bought while out. Then I mopped the floor, sprayed the bathroom with disinfectant and wiped it, too, and stripped the beds and put the sheets in the washing machine. Then, when I was finally out of ways to procrastinate, I picked up my cell phone to call Bella.

It was ten-twenty-five. I wondered if she would still be awake, or if she would even be home at all. She might have gone to stay with Alice and Jasper; they loved her and would be there for her when I wasn't ... couldn't be ... _wouldn't be_. Damn it. I was such an asshole.

After a deep breath and a mental slap across the head, I dialled our number and brought the phone to my ear. Bella answered after the first ring, her cracked and panicked voice making my stomach lurch.

"_Hello?"_

I took another deep breath. "Hi."

"_Oh my God, Edward! Oh thank God... Where are you? Are you okay?" _she asked frantically.

After all I had done to hurt her and our marriage, she was still worried about me. I hated myself for it. "Yes, I'm fine. I'm ... somewhere safe." I wasn't sure why I didn't want her to know I was at the cabin, but keeping it secret seemed like the right thing to do for now, so I went with it.

I heard Bella sniffle and swallow thickly. _"Well ... are you coming home? Please, please come home, Edward. I'm so sorry about what happened earlier. I had no idea..."_ she trailed off as sobs overtook her.

My hand found its way into my hair and I gripped it tightly, the crushing anguish in my heart nearly destroying me where I stood. "No... No, Bella. _I'm_ sorry," I choked out. "I never should have run out on you this morning. I just... I didn't know how to handle everything. I'm so confused right now."

"_Confused about what?" _she asked quietly._ "About what Ms. Weber said? Or about ... me? And you... And ... us?"_

"No! God, no. If there's one thing I'm certain of, it's you, Bella. I love you so much. I just need some time to figure everything else out. Can you give me that? Please? I don't want to lose you." I was trying to keep it together, but my voice still broke at the end. I was terrified she would say no; I couldn't live without her.

"_Edward..."_ Bella began, but she stopped and took a deep, shuddery breath. "_Edward, I don't... I mean I..."_

My insides turned to ice. She was going to refuse me. I had lost her. Everything around me went black as I fell trembling to my knees. "No, no, no, no." I moaned wretchedly, my forehead pressed against the cold tile floor in the kitchen. "Please give me a chance to make this up to you. Please? I'd rather die than be without you."

Bella gasped. _"Don't even say that!"_ she exclaimed, her trembling voice sounding almost angry. _"Of course I'll wait for you. I just... How long do you need? I feel like I'm being torn to pieces right now. I miss you so much. I need you here with me."_

"I miss you too," I whispered, unable to express myself any louder as my heart pulled itself out of the deepest depths of despair. She was willing to wait for me; I still had a chance to make things right for us. I was so relieved I thought I might float away. "Honestly, I don't know when I'll be ready. There are some things I have to do, and ... they're important. I know it's not fair for me to ask you to wait when I'm the one who left, but this will be a good thing in the end. I just need time..."

The line was silent for a few seconds, making my stomach twist nervously, but then she let out a deep breath and replied. _"Okay. I love you, and I trust you. Just... Please come home. Tomorrow, next week, whenever. Just come home, Edward."_

"You are my home," I said softly, before adding, "Be careful while I'm away, okay? Don't do anything ... Bella-ish."

She snorted. "_I would take offense to that, but we both know what a ridiculous klutz I am, so fine. I'll try to be extra super careful until you come back. No promises, though. I can't be held accountable if I get a paper cut and bleed to death because I tripped and hit my head on the counter as I was getting a band-aid." _

I recognized the sarcastic humour in her voice, and I smiled, imagining the look of false annoyance that was probably gracing her face right now. It had been weeks since we'd had a real conversation, and months since we joked and teased each other. This had to be a good sign.

"Deal," I replied, feeling almost giddy as a little bit of the tension between us seemingly melted away. "I'll call you again soon, okay? Don't forget about me."

"_Never. That would be impossible,"_ Bella said earnestly, but then the quiver in her voice returned. _"I love you, Edward. No matter what, I will always love you."_

"I love you too. And we'll be together again soon, I swear it on my life," I assured her. "Good night, baby."

"_Good night."_

Bella hung up the phone, the soft click on the other end of the line sounding all too final to me. I wanted so badly to jump in the car and speed home so I could wrap her up in my arms and never let go, but I knew that as good as that would feel right now, in the long run it would be a mistake. I couldn't face her again until I had sorted out the mess in my head. She deserved better, and so I would become better. I wasn't exactly sure what that meant for me right now, but I was determined to figure it out.

After moving the freshly washed sheets into the dryer, I pulled a blanket from the linen closet, took it outside and gave it a good shake, and then laid down on the couch to sleep. I could have made up the bed with some 'clean' sheets from the linen closet as well, but I couldn't bring myself to face our room again. Not tonight, anyway; I'd had all the heartache I could take for one day.

Sheer exhaustion helped me fall asleep even though my mind was still a wreck, although my dreams were anything but restful. I tossed and turned through most of the night, and woke up in the morning with a sore back and a pounding headache.

A steaming hot cup of coffee made me feel a little better, as did a shower in the freshly cleaned bathroom. I found a long-sleeved t-shirt and a pair of jeans in the dresser in our bedroom, which were a whole lot more appealing than my clothes from yesterday, even if they did smell a little old. A quick breakfast of toast and peanut butter followed, and then I jumped in the car to run a few errands in the nearby town.

I picked up enough groceries to last about a week, and also ordered a truck of fresh water to be delivered within the next few days. Not much else was open on Sunday, so after a stop at the small local department store for some socks and underwear, I headed back to the cabin.

As I drove, I contemplated what I was going to do about work: if I would make the two hour commute there and back daily, or if I should try to beg off for 'personal reasons' and focus all my attention on the house. I decided that the latter was a much more appealing option, so I made a mental note to call my boss first thing tomorrow morning and ask if I could take at least a week of vacation time immediately.

When I got home I put all the food away, frowning as I shoved box after box of rice, noodles, macaroni and cheese dinners, crackers and juice boxes into the cupboards. Blegh. I would have to see about a new fridge right away so I could have some meat and fresh produce.

I puttered around the rest of the morning and afternoon, washing more sheets, blankets, towels, and spare clothes I found, and also cleaned and organized the second bedroom. In addition to the dust, we had left several boxes of old paperwork and files on the guest bed, and the corner desk was strewn with more of the same. It took a good couple of hours to get it all sorted and put away, and I was just about to fold down the last box when something stuck at the bottom caught my eye.

It was a small, brown, leather-bound book, half wedged under one of the inner box flaps. I had never seen it before, so I assumed it must be Bella's. Curious, I opened it to the first page, where I immediately recognized the notes and doodles scrawled in my wife's messy handwriting. I flipped through more lists and reminders and little drawings of ... I didn't know what ... until I came to about 10 blank pages in a row. Figuring this was nothing more than a daily journal, I closed it and was about to go put it in one of the desk drawers, but then a flash of red stopped me.

I let the book flop open naturally in my hands, the pages separating where a piece of red ribbon marked the end of a long entry. My pulse quickened as I picked up the ribbon and let my fingers glide over the smooth silk. I had seen this ribbon before, tied to a key, many, many months ago.

Swallowing thickly, I turned the pages back to the beginning of the entry and began to read, the suggestive title making my heart beat even faster.

_**The Night She Wore Black**_

_**~ B.S.C. ~**_

_Bella smiled to herself as she ran her hands over the smooth black fabric that hung loosely over her torso. Her reflection was one she hardly recognized, but as the candlelight danced across the pale skin of her arms and legs, she knew this was a side of her she had long wanted to meet. _

_Keys jingling in the lock on the front door alerted her to his arrival, and then the smooth, tenor voice of her husband caressed her ears. "Baby? I'm home!"_

_Bella took a deep breath to calm her sudden nerves before calling out in reply. "I'm in the bedroom, honey! I have a surprise for you. Come and see!" Her voice was strong and confident, even though on the inside she was anything but. Tonight was a big night for her, one she hoped would change everything. _

"_Ok, I'll be right there," Edward answered, and then she heard his footsteps padding slowly down the hall._

_With one final look in the mirror, Bella turned and readied herself for his reaction to the scene she had created. This was everything she had always wanted – for herself, for him, for them. She could only hope he would respond with the same excitement she was feeling._

_Edward's gasp as he entered the room came as no surprise to her, but the hunger in his eyes as he looked around in awe was. She watched in nervous anticipation as he noticed first the candles, then the new white satin sheets that adorned the bed, and finally the small assortment of toys she had laid out on a black velvet runner atop the dresser. The handcuffs, the blindfold, the crop... Her skin prickled as she imagined how he would use them to bring her pleasure like she had never known before. _

_Bella's breath caught in her throat as his gaze travelled to her body next, taking in her bare feet and legs before moving up to the black silk teddy that fell softly over her hips. She never dressed like this – sexy, seductive, dark – and she could only hope that she looked as sultry as she felt. Bella braced herself for his response, and was rewarded when Edward's mouth opened slightly as he looked up to her full breasts, pressed tightly together by the black lace push-up bra she wore underneath her negligee. _

_His eyes blazed with a passionate fury as he finally brought his head up to meet her gaze, and in that instant Bella knew what his answer would be._

_Yes. He wanted this as badly as she did. He would take her, and she would relish it._

_A sly smile graced Edward's lips and then he was on her, his hands clutching her backside roughly as his lips sought hers in a hard, forceful kiss. Bella moaned against his mouth as the tingling waves of pleasure mixed with pain radiated from where he gripped her firmly all the way through to her fingers and toes. Yes, this was what she had always dreamed of – her deepest, darkest fantasies finally come out to play. _

I stopped reading when I realized I was no longer breathing. Everything I had always thought I knew about Bella was now reduced to dust at my feet. She had written this at least four years ago. Just how long had this side of her lay dormant, trapped within her and waiting to be set free?

Probably as long as I had wanted to dominate her; which if I was being honest, I would have to admit was over half my life. From very early on, when I was just discovering my attraction to Bella, I'd had these overwhelming fantasies to command her sexually. To control her body. To make her mine in every sense of the word. It disturbed me at first, and I feared the dark creature inside me that lusted for dominance over her. I didn't understand why I would want something so impure. It was just ... wrong. But the more I fantasized about it, the more I came to realize that in my dreams, she wanted it from me just as much as I wanted to give it to her. I wasn't just dominating her, she was submitting to me willingly, too.

Bella's words, spoken yesterday and also months before, echoed in my mind. _"You're my Dom, and I'm your sub. You're my _Dom_ and I'm your _sub_."_ Something deep within me stirred. I thought back to last fall and all the amazingly thrilling discoveries we had made together. I had never felt so alive, so free. For the first time ever, we were really _us_ — right down to our very souls. _We _... _us_. That meant Bella, too. She felt exactly the same way and I knew it. Frustrated, I pinched the bridge of my nose and then ran my fingers through my hair. How could this be wrong when everything about it felt so right?

I couldn't answer that question yet, so I decided to read on.

_Slowly, teasingly, Edward pulled back from their kiss, and Bella whimpered in protest. Her lips were hot and swollen from the fervour of his mouth on hers, and the heat travelled through her body as an intense desire awoke like fire within her veins. She needed him everywhere, and she was willing to take whatever he would give her._

_Bella looked up into Edward's eyes and bit one side of her bottom lip as the other curled into a devious smirk. "Take me, Edward. Tonight, my body is yours," she whispered, leaning in to let her warm breath tickle his ear. "Let your fantasies live."_

_He needed no further invitation. Grinning devilishly, Edward took Bella's hand and led her to the bed, where he gently pushed her down onto the silky, satin sheets. Bella's skin prickled as Edward climbed up to hover above her, the electricity of passion buzzing and crackling between them. They would never be the same after tonight, and they both welcomed what was soon to pass between them. _

_They would become one like never before, sharing the very essence of their souls as their bodies played out this primal game. _

I was sweating. And panting. And really, _really_ hard. My woman could _write._ As erotic and arousing as the words were, I didn't need to read any more because I knew exactly how this story would end; I had lived it many times before.

What struck me the most about this salacious tale was the beauty she managed to infuse into our every move. I had always thought of BDSM as immoral and depraved, no matter how much I might have craved it, but through this story Bella made it seem almost ... well, beautiful. Every thought she had about submitting her body to me was so heartfelt and passionate. It wasn't lust to her, it was love.

I had been looking at this the wrong way all along.

Pulling my wallet from my back pocket, I flipped through the contents until I found the shiny black card with only an address, to which I had taped a phone number I thought I would never call again. The fact that I still had it only further solidified my revelation.

I dialled the number and listened anxiously as it rang once, twice, three times, before a crisp, clear voice answered. "Hello?"

"It's Edward Cullen," I said determinedly. "We need to talk."

* * *

**A/N: So, for those of you who are reading this for the second time around, we have now reached the point where I left off last time. Which means ... ALL NEW CONTENT AHEAD! Are you excited? I'm excited :) I really can't wait to _finally_ share what comes next!**

**Thanks for reading! Reviews are always lovely. xoxo**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Sorry I'm late with this update! I found an issue at the last minute (of course!) and had to rewrite a small portion of this chapter, which, also of course, was a complete nightmare and took way longer than it should have! Doh! Anyways, it's all fixed up and good to go now, (I hope!), so here we are! **

**This (slightly revised) chapter is dedicated to _vickie l_, whose insightful and startlingly accurate review honestly kind of freaked me out a little. Has she been reading over my shoulder as I write? Lol! All kidding aside, she hit the nail on the head with a number of points, and put a big fat smile on my face in the process. This one's for you, darling! :)**

**Love and thanks to AngelGoddess1981 for reading and betaing this chapter at least 4 times. I'm not even kidding. She is just too good to me! **

* * *

**~ Chapter 22 ~**

_**(Edward)**_

An unnerving silence met me on the other end of the line, and I wondered belatedly if Ms. Weber would even be willing to hear me out after all that had gone down between us. I'd acted like a jackass yesterday; I certainly wouldn't blame her if she wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

She exhaled sharply before she finally spoke. "Alright, Mr. Cullen. What is it we need to discuss?" I could picture the rigid expression she wore as her voice lashed at me like a whip. She was angry. Very, very angry.

"Listen, I know you probably think I'm a raving asshole after everything that happened yesterday, but ... I'm trying to make things right and I could really use your help."

"How so?" she asked coldly.

I sighed. "It's too complicated to get into over the phone. Can we meet at The Den? I could really use a friend right now, and Angela is the only person I can think of to go to." It felt weird talking to her about the other side of herself, but I was quite certain that appealing to Ms. Weber wasn't going to get me anywhere. I needed her to shift into peer mode so we could have a real conversation.

I was met with dead air again as she considered my request. It was almost a full minute before she replied. "Very well, Mr. Cullen. Tonight at seven o'clock. Do not be late."

She hung up without another word, leaving me standing there with my acquiescence still hanging on my tongue. "Right..." I muttered, shaking my head and pressing 'end' on my phone. I knew by now that this was just the way she was, but even so, attempting to befriend Ms. Weber was definitely not for the faint of heart.

I checked my watch to see how much time I had before I would have to leave for Seattle, and then headed into the kitchen so I could fix myself a late lunch. After a couple of peanut butter sandwiches and a juice box, I made a few phone calls—one to order a new refrigerator to be delivered ASAP and the other to arrange for a rental car for Bella while I was gone with the Volvo—then set the alarm on my phone and laid down on the couch for a nap.

Three hours later I was awakened from a deep sleep, though I could have sworn I had just drifted off minutes before. I rubbed my eyes and sat up slowly, my head pounding again and my neck and shoulders painfully stiff. Another Advil was definitely in order, and maybe another coffee, too.

I cleaned myself up a bit before I dashed out the door, and within minutes I was coasting down the highway toward Seattle. It killed me that I would be so close to Bella and not get to see her, but sadly, I just wasn't ready to go home yet. I could only hope this meeting with Angela would help me get closer to getting my life back.

The drive went by fairly quickly, and before I knew it I was pulling the car to a stop in front of Ms. Weber's large, three-storey Victorian house. Even though it was late winter, her home was still immaculately kept: the sidewalk was shovelled right down to the cement and the snow was swept from the porch, railings, and windowsills. The outside lights were on in what I assumed was expectation of my arrival, but all the curtains were pulled closed now that the sun was fading quickly.

Maybe it was because I was apprehensive about the meeting that awaited me inside, but I couldn't help but feel like the place looked really cold. Uninviting. Or at worst, unwelcoming. I felt like it was staring me down, hoping I would turn tail and run away. Though again, it could have just been because of the not-so-warm reception I was surely about to get.

With a deep breath to steel my resolve, I got out of the car and walked briskly up the path to the front door. Sharp raps echoed around the quiet neighbourhood as I knocked, and then the door swung open to reveal a very unimpressed looking Ms. Weber. She wore a tight black turtleneck sweater, a knee-length, snug-fitting black leather skirt, her usual fishnet stockings, and a pair of black stiletto heels so high they put her eye to eye with my six-foot-one. This was _not_ Angela.

Ok then ... we were going to do this the hard way.

She glared at me fiercely through her black-framed glasses, and I glared right back. Two could play at this game, and unfortunately for Ms. Weber, her harsh demeanour didn't intimidate me anymore. I knew exactly who she was now, and as I stood there refusing to back down from her stare, I came to realize what that meant.

I knew who _I_ was now.

I was Dr. Edward Cullen: son, brother, friend, husband, lover ... Dominant. It was as much a part of me as the colour of my eyes or the tone of my voice, and no longer would I deny such an integral piece of my make-up. Being a Dom was woven so deeply into my being that I had to wonder if Bella had known it was there all along; if she had seen something in me, something different from the other boys, which drew the submissive inside her to me. After all, she had craved my dominance long before I even allowed her to see what I wanted from her in return.

The realization hit me so quickly it was like a switch had been flipped in my head. It was so obvious now—so right, so true. _I was her Dom, and she was my sub._ Nothing ever would, or _could_, change that fact, and I decided right here and now that I was done running from it. I would be the man she wanted, the man she needed, and most importantly, the man I was.

A grin crept onto my face as I refocused my attention on Ms. Weber, who eyed me warily as my newfound confidence rose to the surface. She took a small step back and cocked her head to the side, her eyes narrowing while studying my face, absorbing the sudden change in my demeanour. A charged silence hung between us as she decided whether or not she would speak with me, until finally she stood aside and opened the door wide enough for me to enter. "Come in, Mr. Cullen."

Ms. Weber closed and locked the door after I crossed the threshold into her home, and then led the way down to the basement without another word. I followed her to the sitting area and we each sat on a leather couch, facing each other as equals. We eyed each other for a moment, the Dominant within each of us sizing up the other, neither of us sure who was really in charge of this meeting. Though we were supposed to be peers while within The Den, my recent behaviour had obviously set her against having me as a friend. I couldn't blame her, but I was still disappointed. I had honestly liked Angela.

When Ms. Weber made no move to engage me in conversation, rather sitting stone still and glaring daggers at my skull, I cleared my throat and began to speak. "Look. You know I don't want to be here. I mean ... _I do _... just not ... here ... with you." She arched an eyebrow and one corner of her mouth twitched downward. I was not off to a good start.

"Okay, that's not what I meant. What I'm trying to say is... I know I'm not on your good side anymore, but I had no one else to turn to. Believe me, the last place I wanted to come back to was the scene of one of my worst nightmares. It's just... My whole life has fallen apart. I need to put it back together, and I don't know where to start. I was hoping you could help me understand."

Ms. Weber blinked at me a few times before responding. "Understand what, Mr. Cullen?"

I scrubbed my hands over my face a few times, trying to think of an honest answer. "I don't know. I guess my biggest problem is that I keep _screwing up_, no matter what I do. We played around with BDSM, and Bella got hurt. We abandoned BDSM, and Bella got hurt. I tried to force us back into the life we had before, to pretend that none of it ever happened, and things just took a nosedive. We honest to God could _not_ go back. I tried. _We_ tried. But no matter what we did or where we went, _it_ was always there, taunting us with what we wanted but couldn't have. We couldn't run away from it."

"Why were you running in the first place?"

"I wanted Bella to be safe, even if that meant protecting her from myself," I admitted with a sigh. "I struggled with getting into all of this right from the beginning. Not because I didn't want to—because, God, did I want to—but it just seemed so wrong to want those things, and worse to take them—especially when another person's wellbeing was tied in with all of it."

"That's understandable." Ms. Weber said. Her voice was still hard, but no longer razor sharp and deadly.

I was slightly taken aback. "It is?"

"Absolutely. As a sexual dominant, we are, in most cases, inflicting physical pain and discomfort on another. That's not something that should be taken lightly, and it certainly doesn't come easily to everyone. Some of the fiercest Dominants I've trained were hesitant at first. There's nothing abnormal about it, Mr. Cullen."

I just stared at her for a moment, letting her words sink in. "Are you telling me that I'm not the huge failure I've come to think I am? That all the trouble we've had is actually kind of ... normal?"

Ms. Weber sighed. "No one's experience with BDSM is the same. Some people transition into their chosen roles seamlessly, while others have a more difficult time releasing their preconceived notions of what is right and wrong in regards to sex and relationships. Men who were raised with the ethical belief that it's wrong to hit women—which is a good thing, of course—often have a harder time wielding the whip, so to speak. It can be a struggle to let go of those ideals, no matter how much they may want to engage in sadomasochistic play."

"That's... Damn. Well, that's pretty much my issue right there. What's the next step then? How do people overcome this?"

"It's all about understanding and accepting the dynamics of the arrangement, Mr. Cullen. Forget about whether or not this is right or wrong. BDSM isn't about morality, it's about fulfillment. It's about finding the equal and opposite needs to your own, and working together with your partner to meet them. A BDSM partnership is symbiotic. As much as a Dominant wants to dominate, a submissive wants to submit. When everything is consensual and you stay within the confines of your agreement, adhere to your safeword system and remember that your actions are for both yourself _and_ your sub's, there is no abuse. You're not beating your wife in a fit of untamed anger; you're not forcing yourself on her sexually. You're not doing anything that she hasn't specifically told you she _wants_ you to do. This is for both of you, equally."

My mouth dropped and I sucked in a shocked breath as the reality of her statement crashed down all around me. This was for _both_ of us ... _equally_. I wasn't fulfilling any part of myself that wasn't parallel to one in Bella. We were in this together, as consenting adults who knew exactly what we wanted from each other. I was her Dom, and she was my sub—perfect symbiosis.

What struck me even more profoundly was the realization that as much as I worried for Bella's safety and wellbeing, she in turn knew the potential risks of BDSM and had accepted them fully. I didn't need to protect her from this, because in the end we were working toward the same goal. Bella was a strong, fearless, intelligent woman who knew better than anyone what was best for her. Shedidn't want to get injured any more than I wanted to injure her. What we wanted was to fulfill our desires through our Dom/sub roles, and to do it safely and without incident, for both of us. Yes, the risk for accidents would always be there, but as a team, we could do our best to avoid them.

Together, we could do this, and we could do it right.

Ms. Weber's lips curved into a satisfied, knowing smile as she watched me fit the final pieces of this whole puzzle together. "Do you understand now? Edward?"

I chuckled lightly, glad to not only be free of the last of my hesitation, but also to see Angela, my friend, again. "I do—loud and crystal clear."

Angela's smile grew as her eyes softened. "I'm glad to hear it. In truth, I'm proud of you, Edward. You've come so far since your first day in my class. Despite your setbacks, you've grown into something bigger than even I expected of you. It's very rewarding to have witnessed."

I smiled at her unexpected praise. "Thank you."

"You are quite welcome. In all seriousness, you have something special; something I don't often see. The relationship you have with Bella, both in D/s and in your everyday lives, is ... incredible. Your love is palpable, your devotion unyielding, and the trust she has in you is shatterproof. I could see it from the very first day I met you. You're more than a Dom to Bella. More than a husband. I don't even know if there's a word to describe what you are to her, and she to you..."

"She's my everything," I said softly, filling in the blank Angela had left. "I love her. It's that simple ... and that complex."

"Exactly. You are a great Dom, Edward Cullen, and an even greater man. Be proud of every part of who you are."

I glanced down to the floor, humbled by her assessment of me. "Thank you. It means a lot to know you hold me in high regard. The feeling is mutual."

Angela nodded in acknowledgement before looking at me resignedly. "I owe you an apology," she began, folding her hands into her lap and leaning back into the couch. "I was out of line yesterday. It was not my place to come into your home and belittle you in front of your wife, your submissive. In all honesty, that was not my intention when I arrived. But you, Edward Cullen, are an infuriatingly stubborn man. You exasperate me to my limits."

I smirked. "Yeah, I've heard that a time or two." _Or twenty._ "And thank you. I accept and appreciate your apology, although I'll admit that it didn't even occur to me at the time to be offended. Mostly I was just worried about Bella, and how your visit might put her in jeopardy. I guess that wasn't really fair, though. I know now that you have only her best interests in mind."

"I want what is best for both of you," she amended. "If I didn't think this lifestyle was really right for you and your relationship, I never would have pushed so hard. I realize now that I took an unprofessional interest in your progression into BDSM, but like I said before, you and Bella have something truly remarkable. I couldn't allow myself to see that go to waste."

"Well, thank you," I replied, meaning it greatly. "You really did push me, but as we both know, I needed it. I'm just glad I had the strength to push back, and in the process, break through my own barriers."

"Very astute," Angela said, a small smile curving her mouth. "Tell me... What does Bella know of your newfound clarity?"

I cringed sheepishly. "Nothing. I haven't talked to her since last night, and even then it was pretty brief—I just didn't know how to explain myself. I've done everything wrong these last few months. I don't know if I'll ever be able to truly earn her forgiveness."

"She doesn't blame you," Angela offered. I looked at her questioningly, surprised and intrigued by her statement. She nodded affirmatively before continuing. "I stayed with Bella for close to an hour after you left, and we had quite a thorough conversation. She's a very insightful woman."

I smiled sadly. "She's always understood me in a way that no one else did. It was really foolish of me not to trust her with my demons, actually. She of all people would have seen them clearly."

"That's probably very true. Bella knows exactly why you reacted the way you did to all this, even explaining some of it to me when _I_ didn't fully grasp your motivations. She knows that everything you did was because of your love for her, however misguided your attempts to protect her may have been. She doesn't hold any of it against you, because she realizes that you did it all for her."

I swallowed thickly. Of course she would understand. It was shameful of me to have ever doubted that. "I don't deserve her."

Angela snorted. "Don't even try to feed me that bullshit. No one here is blaming you but yourself. Love is a powerful thing. It makes people do nonsensical things in its name—that's a universal truth. If Bella is able to forgive you for all that has happened these last few months, I certainly see no reason that you shouldn't do the same. You are human, as much as the next man. Humans make mistakes, and then we learn from them. Learn from this, Edward, and be the better for it."

I nodded, letting her words sink in to the very heart of me. I _would_ be better, and with that Bella would be able to be her best self, too. She would finally be free to be exactly what she was: my wife, my lover, my best friend, and my submissive. I couldn't imagine wanting anything more.

The room fell silent, and for several minutes we sat in quiet contemplation, me thinking on everything I had resolved today, and her thinking on ... whatever kinds of things she thought about. Then a question occurred to me. "What's your story?" I asked. She just stared at me with raised eyebrows. "Oh, come on. I bared my soul to you today. I'm sure you can offer me even a small insight into how you became who you are..."

Her eyes took on a wicked glint as her mouth twisted into a smirk. "I suppose that's only fair. I first dabbled in BDSM at the age of nineteen. I was a meek, unassuming child: often overlooked and seldom to ask for anything more. Then one day I read a book by the author Nathan Braxton*. It was a fictional story of a man who revels in dominance over his lover. I was enthralled by his boldness, wanting nothing more than to be confident and respected as he was. Spurred by the idea of breaking out of my shell, I did some research and soon found others who shared the same interest as me. I devoured all the information they could give me, and reluctantly started my journey as a submissive before moving on to training as a Domme.

"My own master was an incredible woman who enlightened me with more knowledge and understanding of myself than I could ever have discovered on my own. Subbing for her, while not an experience that I necessarily wanted, was one that I undeniably needed. Not long after that I was paired with my first sub, and from there I was reborn. I had found my power, and I never looked back."

"Wow," I breathed. "And Benjamin?"

She smiled somewhat fondly. "Benjamin came to me through a mutual acquaintance. I had already formed The Den but was still early in my career as a therapist. I was casually counselling patients out of my home, and had agreed to take on a Den member's long-time friend. He was hesitant to see me at first, being a tragically anxious man with nearly every social phobia in the book, but eventually he relented and we began weekly sessions. It took a while for him to open up and trust me with the secrets he had locked away, and once he did I found myself unquestionably intrigued by him. Our relationship developed slowly, experimenting and learning of boundaries and such until we solidified a situation that benefited us both. And now, well, we are what we are."

"And you're happy with him?" I prodded, hoping I wasn't going too far.

Angela was quiet for a moment, seeming to consider carefully before she answered. "I am content, yes. I do not want for any more than what we share."

I nodded, not sure of what to say. Angela had a very different take on life than the rest of us, but if what she had worked for her, then who was I or anyone else to judge? She said she was happy, or her version of what happiness was, and that was the important thing. Even though I didn't quite understand it, I was glad for her.

"Now, Edward," she said, breaking me from my thoughts. "As I understood from your phone call, you came here to ask my assistance in something. Is this still necessary after our conversation?"

"Oh, yes. More than ever, actually."

"By all means then ... ask away."

I huffed out a gust of air, unsure where to begin. I decided to be direct. "I fucked up. Really, really fucked up"

Angela raised one eyebrow. "Tell me something I don't know, Edward."

I snorted at her backhanded humour. "Right... Ugh. Walking out and running away like I did was incredibly stupid—the stupidest thing I've ever done. I need to make things right again."

"Agreed. I think you have your work cut out for you, though."

"I know, and I'll do whatever it takes to fix this. I have an idea, actually, but I'll need your help to see it come to fruition."

Angela eyed me speculatively. "Alright. Tell me this idea and what you require of me."

I grinned. "Well, it's right up your alley, actually..."

* * *

**A/N2: *wrings hands nervously* Well? Did this chapter live up to its long-awaited expectations? I can't even begin to tell you all how happy I am to finally be moving this story along toward the finish! Thanks so much to all of you who've stuck it out with me for so long! We're in the home stretch now, friends, Don't give up on me now! :)**

**Reviews are always appreciated! xoxo**


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